Assuming Can Make an Ass Out of U and Me
A little AU story. If you squint you might see some Raidou/Genma and a little Kakashi/Iruka, but you have to squint hard. Not too hard. Just a little hard.
I own nothing. Nothing.
Chapter One
Genma held his tongue and allowed the gossip around him to slide off his back while he chewed upon his senbon. It might have been sliding off his back…maybe, but not away from his ears. Was this it? Was this what he was to Konoha? A slacker, a playboy, a bad influence, a gossip, an instigator? Really? His heart twisted at the angered or sly looks and smirks thrown his way by supposed comrades and friends.
"Maybe not so much off my back as I would like," Genma thought as he felt himself choke unexpectedly at the pang in his chest while his senbon dropped from his mouth to hit the floor.
"Shiranui, what are you up to now?"
The jonin choked again as he looked up at the one who spoke. An irritated, scowling Raidou who refused to use Genma's first name anymore. He couldn't answer. He couldn't speak. The lack of air made him slide down the wall he leaned against as the murmuring in the mission room halted while eyes turned towards him in surprise. He couldn't get air in his lungs. Genma groaned as he fought through the haze of pain that was tinging the edges of his vision black. What was this? His hair obscured his vision as he leaned forward to try and pull in some air. He tried so hard to fill his lungs, but nothing.
"Genma?! Genma, what's wrong?!" Raidou yelled from beside him, forcing the jonin's face up to look at him, "What's happening to you?! He can't breathe! Someone get the Hokage!"
Genma opened his mouth, but still couldn't seem to choke out words or suck in air as he continued to try to breathe.
"Rai, is it poison or a jutsu of some kind?!"
"Not a jutsu, Anko. I don't see any chakra with the sharingan. Raidou, keep his head tilted back to try and open his air passage ways. Try to stay calm, Genma. Izumo-san is getting Tsunade-sama."
Genma shook violently trying to breathe while Raidou forced his head back as Kakashi instructed. Words warped together as his eyes saw many leaning over him. Kakashi, Iruka, Aoba, Asuma, Anko, and Raidou begging for him to breathe. Manicured hands reached and ripped people back as Tsunade bent over him. He thought, "nice rack, Hokage-sama" and then blackness as the lack of oxygen proved to be too much. He came back to himself at the sound of beeping and the smell of antiseptic. He had no clue how long he'd been out. The pressure of a breathing mask felt uncomfortable on his face. Someone was also holding his hand. He wanted to open his eyes and see who, but he was so tired. A door opened close by as he sensed someone else enter the room.
"How is he, Raidou?"
"Still unconscious. Medics tell me he hasn't moved a muscle in the four days he's remained unconscious besides the rise and fall of his chest to breathe. Thank goodness Genma can breathe again, but I'm worried, Kakashi."
"We all are. Has Lady Tsunade determined the reason that Genma collapsed yet?"
"No. Hokage-sama is still analyzing Genma's bloodwork to see if this is the result of a poison for a second time since the first tests came up negative. She can't find a reason for any of this yet. Tsunade-sama did state that Genma's strength levels were very low and his chakra was depleted, but Gen's not been on a mission in a week. I also asked around and discovered that he'd been doing deskwork that day so he didn't overdo himself while training either. I don't know what this could be and just look at him, Kakashi. I've never seen Genma as pale as this, not even injured. What is this?"
Genma heard the concern in Raidou's voice and felt his hand squeezed in obvious fear. This baffled him. Raidou had ended their friendship. Called him a "do-nothing loser who needs to get over himself and try to be a real person." The hurt of this memory made the pain well and a familiar choked gasp came from deep within him. Genma felt himself arch in agony as anxious voices called out to him. A din of yelling began before gentle hands soothed the tension in his body until he could slowly breathe once a tube was inserted down his throat. He blinked at realizing he was watching this as well as feeling it.
"What the hell?" Genma blurted watching Shizune and the Hokage trying to heal his corporal body, "Th-that's me! Why is that me? What?"
The jonin gaped before noticing some familiar faces watching anxiously from outside through an observation window.
"What is this?" Genma questioned, "But…they told me to…I don't understand. Why are they so concerned for someone they threw away?"
The jonin tried to touch the door and realized his hand simply passed through the doorknob. He glanced back to his body and heard and saw that his heart was beating and he was still breathing.
"Okay. Let's go for it," Genma decided as he leapt and seemed to phase straight through the solid door, "That was sweet. Odd, but sweet."
"What is taking them so long?"
Genma turned to see Raidou pacing as the slightly older man watched the healers working in the room.
"Rai, they don't know what is causing this," Asuma offered, looking at an unlit cigarette in longing, "Gen's working too hard to breathe and can't seem to wake on his own. Lady Tsunade is trying to figure out this whole mystery."
"That's what I want to know too," Raidou snarled, gripping his fists tight, "Has anyone noticed anything off about Gen?"
An uncomfortable silence fell among the gathering. Kotetsu looked at Izumo and the two sighed. Asuma, Kakashi, and Aoba frowned as Anko scoffed.
"Has anyone been hanging with Genma recently?" Anko inquired as Rai flushed, "Geez. Gen's been making himself scarce ever since that blow up between us. I know he boned up big time, but I remember being too harsh in my insults and he tends to run in the opposite direction if he sees me coming these days."
"Same goes for Ko and I," Izumo admitted as many nodded about the group.
"You were all bastards," a new voice spoke up as eyes turned to see Iruka Umino walking down the hall, "I came as soon as I heard that Genma had another attack of…whatever this is."
Genma blinked as he watched Iruka gaze into the room that housed his unconscious body. Iruka rarely insulted people. This was new.
"'Bastards' is kind of harsh, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi pointed out as the chunin turned.
"I've always called things as they are and won't sugar-coat things for your delicate egos," Iruka snapped as many gazed at him in shock, "You turned on a friend without knowing the full truth. You assumed too much and cut off ties too soon. Genma is my friend. I'm here out of concern for him. Are you all here due to a guilty conscious? If you are then leave now. Gen deserves friends at his side and not a bunch of dicks who are here for the wrong reasons."
Genma glowed as he gazed at the younger man. Iruka understood. Iruka always understood. That made him feel a little lighter. Finally, someone who looked past the mask.
"We care about Gen!" Raidou growled as Iruka crossed his arms and looked away, "We do, Iruka. You have no right to state that we don't."
"Was it not you who told Genma to leave and not come back?" Iruka snarled right back in the man's face as the jonin paled, "You didn't see how hurt he was when the man turned away! You didn't see him take off running once he was outside, but I did and he wouldn't talk with me about it no matter how much I tried to offer comfort! And you!"
Kakashi stepped back in surprise as the sensei whirled on him.
"Always spouting 'look beneath the underneath,'" Iruka spat, sticking his finger in the Copy-nin's face, "You didn't. You didn't even try. You all wouldn't even listen. You have no right to be here since after all, none of you are friends with Genma anymore, right?"
"That was said in anger," Raidou spluttered, "We were too hasty maybe and…"
"That was over a month ago," Iruka interrupted with a snort, turning to look back in the window, "Over a month that he's suffered alone, worked alone, hid his pain, and been tormented by nasty rumors started by your very public display of childishness. I tried to reach him, but he stopped eating properly like you know he tends to do and hid from me. Now look at Genma. Are all of you happy?"
Silence was the answer before the door slid open as Tsunade stepped outside with Shizune following.
"Not a word," the Hokage ordered as mouths opened and snapped shut just as quickly, "I'm still not sure what this is, but it is apparently getting worse. Genma is on complete life support now. His vital functions are being controlled by machines and I can't sense a lot of brain activity, but there is enough to show that he is still fighting."
"My God," Iruka whispered as most of the shinobi's hearts dropped.
"I have a strong hunch that time is running out for Genma. I have to know what this is to be able to treat him. Umino, I want you going over every report of the missions Genma has been on over the last six months and get Ibiki to give you the Anbu mission reports too," Tsunade began as Iruka nodded, "Kakashi, Raidou, I want you to go over Genma's apartment with a fine tooth comb. Brat, use that sharingan of yours. This could still be a genjutsu of some kind. The rest of you, I want you to try and plot everywhere that Genma has been leading up to his collapse. Go now."
"Hai, Hokage-sama," the group called out and left together as Genma followed them in this strange state he seemed to be in as they exited the hospital.
"Iruka!" Raidou called after the chunin as he turned, "I've not been happy ever since that argument, but there are reasons that I was so angry and felt so betrayed. Don't assume to know how we all feel."
"Grow the hell up the lot of you," Iruka gritted out with livid eyes.
Genma blinked at his old friend and then giggled as Iruka spat at the feet of Raidou and leapt away. Iruka was mad.
"Now what?" Izumo asked, "Where has Genma been since the argument? I know that most of his missions have been solos and we can note that by the reports, but how do we plot where he was in the village?"
"Let's start with Gen's apartment," Kakashi decided as he turned, "There should be some clues there. Receipts or something to point in the right direction."
"Man," Genma groaned, thinking to the state of his apartment, "Guys, don't judge me. Who am I kidding? All I get is judgement these days. Screw the lot of you."
The jonin stopped and watched the back of his old comrades and then sulkily followed. Better than hanging around watching his body sleep. He grunted happily when it took the group nearly an hour to undo his traps and seals. Showed them a thing or two.
"I've got skills," Genma gloated as Asuma wiped the smoke smudges from his face while the other jonin and chunin coughed around him, "Take that, Asshats!"
"Can't say Gen doesn't prepare for things," Anko huffed, wiping her eyes, "Let's get this over with so we might find some answers."
Genma blinked as Raidou pulled out a key. He'd forgotten that his back-stabbing, mean, jerk of a friend had been given a copy of his apartment key. He'd have to ask for that back…if he ever woke again.
"Oh my," Raidou sighed as he glanced over the mess once the door swung open, "Kakashi, there is no way to see any kind of clues in this."
"Not true," Kakashi denied, pushing up his hitai-ate and opening his eye of red, "This room is clean of any traps or jutsu. Start organizing the mess as I check the rest of the rooms."
Everyone spread out and divided the work evenly as Genma grinned at leaving this particular group a grueling task to do. Served all of them right.
"Disgusting, gross, grosser, don't want to know what this is, ew, what the hell Gen?" Kotetsu murmured as he used gloves to go through the refrigerator, "Kakashi, there is nothing but old men growing in here. What am I looking for exactly?"
"Some poisons give off a glow after so long," Kakashi called from looking over some old receipts and papers, "See if you see anything that seems more off than just going bad due to Genma's lack of cleanliness."
"This isn't typical Gen," Raidou insisted, gesturing to the mess, "His place always looked lived in, but never like this."
"You think someone's been in here? Maybe erased evidence or something?" Izumo voiced as he helped Kotetsu begin to clean out the fridge.
"I don't think so," Raidou denied with a sigh, "This is…this is how Genma breaks."
Silence filled the rooms while shinobi glanced at one another with guilt etched on pale faces. The one whose apartment had been invaded scoffed from where he leaned against a wall. Genma hadn't broken. He just hadn't given a damn anymore. Not after…not anymore.
To be continued…