A/N: the poem was a poem I made when I was in 6th grade. :) I've been an AkaneXRanma fan for who-knows how long…but anyways, I won't keep you. Here it is and enjoy reading!! Please review!
DISCLAIMER: I would want to own them—really…but…let's face it: I DON'T!! -has died- :p
PLEASE LOOK AT ME
By:
Xxarmisteadxx
The tendo household's door suddenly opened. Clad in soaking clothes, Akane stomped her way upstairs to her room. Her family members who were there were all wondering what might have happened since the house was creaking and trembling with the every roar her feet is causing.
And…did they just hear a sob coming from her?
She opened the door to her room and slammed it full force that the "Akane" sign hanging at her door fell and cracked. She didn't bother to change herself to dry clothes…she was too preoccupied…to angry that her eyes were already puffy and red because of too much crying. She plopped down on her bed and grabbed a pillow. She held it tightly against her face.
Another tear fell from her soggy eyes then soon after, many came rushing down her cheeks. She mockingly smiled at herself. She looked so pitiful now that she could have won "The Most Pathetic Dumbass" in the world if there would be one.
She was ready to tell him then and there…but suddenly, he, he just…
"Oh...!!" She made a frustrated sound. "Unfair idiot!!"
What happened to him? What happened to her? To them? Did she not give her best to make this work out? Did she miss something? Is she not enough for his heart?
Perhaps not.
And this possible fact weighed down on her more. She felt so weak that she just wanted to cry and cry until she can't leak it all out anymore…until her tears were replaced by blood…until she bleed to death! It hurts so much…for the one you love to say those words…
It stabbed through her. Her soul was ripped out from her instantly when he told her that there is someone he loves...she doesn't know who the girl is and the HELL she cares! But one thing's for sure, it wasn't her. No, it couldn't be her. For Ranma, she's just one of those who know about his biggest secret…she's just someone who was forcibly engaged to him…a FAKE fiancée to be exact.
Nothing more…
I'm in love with someone, Akane… The words he uttered there, beneath the pouring rain, kept on repeating and resonating inside her mind.
"Kuso…I hate you…Ranma, you hurt me so much…I hate you…" She cursed under her breath. She would have shouted it though. She was just so angry at him…so disappointed.
But more so to herself.
All along she thought that maybe, just maybe…he loved her back. In the end, she was wrong. She was PERFECTLY wrong and it upsets her more to recognize that she can't accept this defeat.
She opened her eyes. Now, her pillow was also drenched with her tears. She wanted to let it all out because the more it stays inside her heart, the more it reminds her of hell.
I love you… She whispered beseechingly. But…why can't you look at me?!
She stood up from her bed. No more crying for her…She needs to move on…but before that…
She wiped the evident tears from her eyes. Inhaling deeply, she tried to fix herself…a mess! Other than being soaking wet, her hair was tousled and was dripping too. Her face was far from being pristine since her tears stained it and she was torn up…inside.
After changing to dry clothes, she brushed her hair gently…It's no use crying. Crying won't make Ranma fall in love with her…if it did, she would have cried an ocean just for him but it's too impossible.
She put down her brush. Sorrow stirred within her once more. Just the thought of him makes her want to break into tears again. This time, she controlled herself and soon she regained composure with a deep breath.
"I can't hide to these feelings forever…" She muttered and like the impact of a soccer ball hitting a person's head, an idea came up to her! "I know!" Though she wasn't really on the mood to do it, it might help!
She snaked a pen from a container in her table and tore a page from her notebook. Kasumi told her once that writing down your feelings could help ease some of your sadness…letting it out…
"To Ranma…" She wrote loudly. "From your uncute EX-fiancee." Oh, wow. He might think this would be interesting…however, she won't ever let him read it anyway.
She started gathering her thoughts about him. It was damn hard 'cause while she was at it, her eyes were brimming again with tears. And since she was in the process of letting it all out, she allowed these unwanted tears to roll down her cheeks…for the millionth time.
Scratch the thought of keeping the feelings inside her heart, scratch the thought of hiding the tears…she wants to let it all out!
Yes…she was frustrated yet she still hopes Ranma would notice her. She just can't forget Ranma just like that. Not after they spent so many moments together…Not after they went through many battles and
trials in life…she doesn't have the strength. Somehow, she still loves him no matter how difficult it is to know that he doesn't.
She started:
Ranma…please look at me!
Please see through me…
I am not so hard to love…
Please just look at me.
It looks so awful but it's the truth. If only pride wasn't something so hard to let go then she would have begged him like this in real life…she would have said this to him after he said those words…
I was quite hoping you'd notice me
Notice me above anyone else
But you confuse me every time…
You hurt the love in my heart dwells…
She wanted so much to add: But I still love you anyway… She just didn't have the courage to write it…neither say it…
This agreement we involved ourselves
How foolish of me to hope it would work!
Everyone knows you aren't interested
You don't care at all, you jerk!
All your actions, your gestures even your eyes tell me
You can't do this…you don't want to love me
Unfair is the best word to describe you
I think I'm better off with Ryoga than with you…
Oh how I wish I've never met you…
If only our fathers weren't friends…
Then I won't have to feel sorry for myself
Because truth be told, our relationship is just pretend
Indeed. An agreement. A stupid, piercing agreement. She realized she became such a fool for him. She realized she was hurting herself while loving him…she was hurting other people like Ryoga too…
"Your uncute!" words I hear from you often.
Do you know how much it kills me?
For my love to say those harsh words…
Do you think I could live in glee?!
Akane was no poet…and she could just try her best to make the poem rhyme…(because it sounds better) and at the same time, express her feelings especially about Ranma's wrong sense of humor. But no matter what he does, there's really no escape in this "unrequited love" for her. He's well engraved in her heart that she's afraid that she may lose a special part in her heart when he leaves her.
But…more importantly, the girls around you.
Kodachi, Ukyo and the amazon girl, Shampoo
Why is it that you look at them differently?
Are they more attractive than me?
Too much. He has too much fiancées! Why couldn't he just settle for one? Or…is it because the one he loves isn't between these 3…including her…
I am a tomboy…you say…
But you're an idiot in every single way…
Wait…screw that…I'm the idiot here.
'Cause I thought you might love me back. But your answer was clear.
Sigh…look what have you done to me, Ranma…
I'm a mess…because of my love for you.
And at the same time, I'm also blaming myself…
I haven't confessed anything to you…
Never did you ask about it anyway
Like I said, you don't care.
I can also imagine what might happen if I say it to you…
I'm sure; you would break up with me.
And that, I won't be able to bear.
Everything's a mess. It's normal when you're in love but it usually gets worse when the one you love…would never love you back. She hurts inside and no more can undo her from this sad spell.
I just want you to look at me.
Even though the slightest hint of love is nowhere
I just want to see myself in your eyes…
To ease the grief in this nightmare.
You hurt me constantly even in little ways…
Sometimes I want to die because of things you do.
But I can't help it. It's difficult to contain.
I'm afraid…I'm falling deeper in loving you.
Still so, so in love with you… It was always him who she looks at and doesn't he notice that?!
Well…in any case, I've learned to accept it somehow.
Though the scar won't disappear forever.
I just think you have to at least make an effort…
Put up a good, fake mask each time we're together.
"Yeah. Pretend, Ranma…it's what you're good at, right? And here I thought you cared for me… How could you break me when all I do up to this time is to build my love around you…Sigh. But now…the feeling is mutual. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU…" She chanted and cursed him.
I wonder now how things would end up…
To whom you will offer your love.
By the way I look at things, it's definitely not to me.
I would cry when that day comes…
When you have to say: "Set me free."
It was not clear…that time, she ran away immediately after hearing those words out from his mouth. She didn't see his reaction. She didn't even know if he ran after her or anything. But it was crystal clear.
Great. Just great…she knew she was going to lose him now and it gives her only heartache to think that they were "almost lovers". Oh, Ranma…
Then and there, she finished her poem with her name at the bottom part. She folded it and heaved a sigh. Cool! She does feel a lot better. At least she got to say her true feelings now to him, right? Although not directly…she still admitted it. She had confessed her true feelings for the pig-tailed guy. Braaaaavo!
She smiled bitterly. Yeah…she was kinda happy now.
Tsche!
Happiness is a lie! There is no happiness for her anymore…No Ranma, no happiness. He was her ONLY true love. Too bad it didn't work out for them.
She stared at the paper where the poem was and saw tears wetting it. Why is she crying again?
"I c-can't cry anymore for you, Ranma. I don't want to cry for you anymo-ore…please…stop it!" She closed her eyes while they were flooded with tears. She manage a firm grip to the paper and crumpled it until it was a ball of trash. She was breaking down again.
"I HATE YOU, RANMA!!" And with that, she threw the paper to the trash can and lie down on her bed…crying herself to sleep.
TO BE CONTINUED...by another story entitled: NO NEED TO ASK
A/N: What do you guys think? It's pretty emo…but don't worry! Okaaay?? Please review!! REVIEW! REVIEW!! I'm hungry for reviews… :)