Hola! Just found this on my computer, so I brushed it up a bit and thought I'd stick on here to see how it goes down. I'm thinking of making it into a proper story if you lot like it, if not I'll just leave it as a sexy little one-shot. So please review! Tell me if you think it's worth carrying on with, or if it's complete drivel and you feel the need to warn me to protect all of man kind. That's cool too.
Thanks guys :D
xxx
He was impossible. Impossible, beautiful and just impossible. There was nothing you could do about that, someone who so completely encapsulated the concept of beauty.
There was a hopelessness to that fact.
And it was ponderous, how just being touched by someone like Sirius Black could make you feel so completely wrenched with pain and hunger. A yearning that transcended all possibility because how were you supposed to prepare for someone – something – so completely unprecedented?
How were you supposed to cope when he was your best friend?
Night after night spent listening to Sirius and James laughing in a new, darker way. Chuckling interspersed with desperate profanity, strains on words that weren't there before. And more explicit snatches.
Fuck…
There… that's so good
Tell me what you want me to do
Night after night stifling his own groans, night after night imagining a different pair of long-fingered hands than his own stroking him. Guilt and desperation and confusion, and overwhelming lust. They got him hard.
But it was the inviting looks that made him feel hollow, powerless as lust stole him from sanity. Sirius had the Black propensity for looking poised, elegant and filthy simultaneously. Other Black relatives had perhaps put this inherent visual state to a rather more illicit use, but on Sirius its effect was devastating. A kind of reassuring danger, a classy danger. Danger that was not really danger at all, but a sense of teetering on the edge, just about to plunge into a life of depravity and sex and scandal but in a non-threatening way. It was an innate look that attracted women with no effort, and the occasional man as well.
Remus knew his best mate. Remus, better than anyone, knew the almost unintentional power of Sirius' looks. Remus knew. Remus had spent countless nights listening to various girls and boys proclaiming their individual ecstasies. That is, on the nights when he wasn't busy with James. Those were presumptuous, naïve claimants. Their cries echoed through his memory as one; a kind of constant prop to his unmanageable lust.
How could they have presumed themselves to be different? How could they be that blind to the obvious?
Worst of all; was he really thinking he would be the one to change it all?
When Sirius Black's gaze was turned on you, you didn't ignore it. Even the great, straight James Potter could be turned with a whisper and a nibble of his earlobe. Sirius was a force of nature. Remus was sometimes blind, but he wasn't stupid, and Sirius had cast that scoundrels' smile at him once too often to be ignored. What was Remus supposed to do? Sneak into Sirius' bed on one of the infrequent nights when it wasn't previously engaged? Prostrate himself before the great Sirius Black and hope to have his longing assuaged? But he knew that once wouldn't be enough. If Sirius would let him, Remus felt he could go on loving the stupid dog forever. Remus longed to return one of Sirius' loaded looks with one of his own. Remus was good at lust-filled looks; he'd had more practice that one would assume.
Outside the castle, Remus stood at the foot of the Ravenclaw tower gazing across the frostbitten grounds of Hogwarts. The greenhouses, directly in front of him, were steamed completely up by the respiration of hundreds of plants. He reached into one of his deep robe pockets and produced a packet of cigarettes. He opened the new packet, tapped it smartly on the bottom until one presented itself above the rim of the box. He wrapped his lips and around it and drew it out of the packet, lighting it with his wand. Then he dropped both cigarettes and wand back into his pocket.
Remus had never intended to start smoking, it had simply happened. Sirius had once mentioned that he thought it was sexy.
Remus watched the smoke blow in a steam from between his lips, almost indistinguishable from the mist that his breath made in the cold air. The tense relief that asserted itself whenever he was alone and thinking about Sirius made itself known. He slumped slightly further against the castle wall, thinking idly of the people on the other side of this metre thick wall.
He was hard.
It was quite obviously bad if merely thinking about Sirius - even in a platonic light - made his body react in such a primitive way. It had been a long time since- but that didn't matter.
It was just that thinking about Sirius made him think about Sirius and James. And Sirius and James was a far more controversial subject, even than Sirius and Remus. The groans that emanated across the dormitory were consistent and frequent. They still had the same effect on various parts of Remus' anatomy. But now they were interspersed with talking. Talking, not in the joking, blokey way that they generally spoke to each other in. Quiet, deep voices. Sirius' voice, which was more carrying, took on a smooth, sexy quality.
Pillow talk. Cuddle talk.
Not even the teasing, competitive tone of their fucking carried here, these after-sex conversations were loaded – they spoke of the future, of the impending war. They spoke of James inevitably marrying Lily; a subject that invariably signalled James' departure from Sirius' bed back to his own. Remus imagined them lying top-and-tail next to each other on the bed, naked. Hands behind their heads, casual. Looking for all the world as though they were recovering from a harsh Quidditch practice - but for the fact that they weren't wearing a stitch of clothing between them. Remus imagined them muttering these strangely sentimental things to each other from either end of the bed, awkward yet comfortable with each other, never looking directly into the other's eyes during these conversations.
It was completely unprecedented – Remus thought that the manliness, the mutual unspeaking acceptance of it all must have helped both boys to overcome themselves. James more than Sirius, in fact, because Sirius – for all his flaws – was a terrifically self-assured human being. James – while confident – did not have Sirius' genetic self-belief that allowed him to express himself easily in all mediums.
Remus was comfortable enough in himself to know that he was straight insofar as being straight included desperately lusting after your best male friend. He saw no real mutual exclusivity of the two facts, just that he was attracted to girls while being attracted to a male at the same time. James would probably call him a poof anyway. Not that he had any real legroom himself.
Remus was also generally quite a confident person - quiet, but sure of himself, and sexually he knew what he wanted - needed - even if he wasn't exactly sure what to do about it. That was what he was waiting for, for something to occur that would let him know what to do about this insatiable lust. Either that, or he was waiting for the final straw on his camel's back. That single glance, or raised eyebrow, or leg brush, or... well, anything really. Remus knew he was close to breaking point - the fact that he was out here in the freezing cold with a hard-on was physical proof of that. It wouldn't take much. In some ways he was dreading going to bed tonight, having to hear the moans and grunts because he wasn't resilient enough to keep up a silencing charm for more than ten minutes. He reasoned that not hearing the moans but knowing they were still there was worse than hearing them.
Remus' cigarette had burnt out, a long tube of ash where he had neglected to inhale balanced precariously at the end of the filter where the glowing end had burnt out. Remus swore quietly and dropped it, then stood upright and shook himself silently. He cast a quick warming spell on his feet and them stomped back inside the castle. The monotony of the day loomed ahead like a shadow moving steadily across a field towards him, and Remus knew he wouldn't even bother trying the silencing charm tonight.