Day 1 of Rucas week. The next two correspond with this one. It'll be in order.
Today, he was going to get married to someone who isn't me. Today, I lock myself away, so no one can see my tear stained cheeks with my red puffy eyes. Today, I lose the person I love.
Pounding on my front door drags me out of my sorrow, "Go away!" I yell.
"Honey, you can't do this. Let me in please." I hear Maya's voice call out on the other side of the door.
I scoff as I saunter to my front door, and crack it open. "Maya, go to the wedding. I don't need a babysitter. I'm fine. Look at you," I gesture to her champagne dress paired with black heels, "you're dressed. You go."
"Not without you."
I laugh, "You're forgetting one thing. I wasn't invited."
She pushes her way inside, "So what! You'll be my plus one." She smiles. "Now, go put on your best dress show him he didn't break you."
Tears start to sting my eyes, "That's the thing, he did break me. I'm broken Maya!" I sniffle, "I got the first kiss, and she'll get the last. He chose her over me," I whisper. "I can't see that. I can't put myself through that." All the tears have unleashed from my eyes, and I'm now a sobbing mess.
Maya doesn't hesitate for a second to embrace me in a tight comforting hug. "I won't go. I'll stay with you, Riles."
"Go to the wedding. He is still your friend, support him." I wipe my tears away. "You can come over after and lie and tell me how awful it was." I let out a small laugh. I know it'll be the opposite of awful, it'll be beautiful.
"I'm not going to leave you by yourself like this. I'm staying." Maya argues.
"Listen Peaches, you are going. You are going to be happy for him. The way I'm trying to." I push her towards to the door, "Go, please."
"You'll call me if you need me."
I open the door, "Of course."
She gives me another hug before she walks out. Once I'm alone, I let all the tears run freely. I curl up on my couch and just hold myself. I lost him. I try to catch my breath, but that proves to be difficult due to my sobs. Maybe I should have gone. Maybe seeing him tie his life to someone else is something I needed to see to know that it is officially over. That there isn't any hope to hold on to.
Without even thinking about it, I'm up on my feet looking through my closet. I slip on my short red lace sleeve dress with nude pumps. I hurriedly brush out my straight hair and apply some make up to mask the redness and puffiness around my eyes.
Maybe this is a bad idea, but I'm going to that wedding. I'll just sit in the back and slip out before he has the chance to see me. I pull out my phone to text Maya.
Me
I'm going, no more feeling sorry for myself. Hopefully I make it on time.
I don't wait long before I get a response.
Maya
Are you sure you're going to be okay seeing him marry someone else?
Me
No, but it's what I need to see. I'm leaving now.
The whole way to the church, I can feel my heart thumping against my chest. I'm having second thoughts about this. I don't think I can go through with seeing him vow to love someone for the rest of his life, when it should have been me he should be vowing to love forever.
I'm standing in front of the stairs that lead to the front door. I can't go in. I can't do it. I'm not strong enough to see it.
Me
I'm outside, but I can't go in. This was a bad idea.
I wait for a response, but I don't get a text back. The ceremony must have started. This is it. I turn on my heels to walk away when I bump into someone. I try to hide my face because I can feel the tears starting to blur my vision.
"Riley?" I look up at the familiar face. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry. I was just leaving." I step to the side to go around him. "Sorry about bumping into you Farkle."
He grabs my hand, and I look up at him, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I say in a hush tone. "I thought seeing him marry someone else would help me move on, but Farkle I'm scared I'm never going to find anyone like him. Love anyone the way I love him. He was my person and I lost him." Once again I'm a sobbing mess. I move to wipe my tears, and I see black smears on my hand.
"Riley, you will. I promise." Farkle says as holds me and I bury my face into the crock of his neck.
I take a deep breath and slowly let it out, "You should get in there. You are already late, work right?"
He nods, "I'm not going to leave you here by yourself Riley. C'mon," he says pulling me away from the church.
"No," I shake my head. "I'll wait for Maya, and I'm pretty sure Smackle is in there waiting for you. You can go. I'll be fine." I give him a weak smile.
"I'm not leaving you alone. We can both wait out here. I don't think you should be alone right now."
"Thanks Smackle." I barely manage to get out.
We walk over to a bench that was off to the side of the church, hidden between two trees. Once we sit I pull out a tissue from my clutch, I knew I would need them, to clean the makeup that smeared once I stared crying.
Farkle and I don't speak as we sit there waiting. I lay my head on his shoulder and wipe away the tears as they escape. I was sitting holding onto hope that Lucas would call off his wedding and come running looking for me, but as time went on I knew it wasn't going to happen. Maya was right hope is for suckers.
Twenty minutes go by and I hear the church door opens. I feel Farkle turn his head since mine is still on his shoulder. He immediately looks at me. I try to look, but he blocks my gaze.
"I don't know if you should see." He says a little weary.
"I need to." I stand up to hide behind of the trees and peck my head out.
There I see the man that I love. He's dressed in a tux with a red rose pinned to his jacket. He has his arm wrapped around a beautiful brunette who's wearing a warm fitting white wedding dress. They both have smiles on their faces. He looks truly happy, they both do, and I can feel my heart breaking even more. I stare longer than I should have; I should have looked away before I seen them share a kiss filled with bliss. I feel a burning sensation in my nose due to the fact that more tears are regenerating in my eyes.
Farkle grabs me and pulls me into a hug, and I fall into it. I feel him brush his fingers through my hair trying to comfort me, but it does no good. This needed to happen. I needed to be fully broken before I move forward.
I feel a hand on my back that startles me. "I can take it from here Farkle." I don't need to look to know it's my Peaches.
I unwrap my arms from Farkle and throw myself at Maya. "Can you take me home?" I feel her shake her head. I pull out of her hold and look at Farkle, "Thank you for staying with me."
"I'll always be here." He gives me one last hug before he walks towards the newlyweds to find his wife.
Maya links her arms with mine and we walk slowly walk away from the church carefully to avoid everyone. I turn my head to get one last look at Lucas. This time my eyes find him. The smile that consumed his face slowly fades away. He quickly looks away and the image of him becomes blurred.
"Come on. Let's get you home." Maya says softly. I turn my head forward and watch my steps. I lost him.
A year goes by since the day Lucas married another woman. I didn't try to stop it, I let it happen. I haven't seen him since. Not one word, nothing. I don't ask Maya, Farkle, Smakle, or Zay how he is doing. That is none of my business, and I tell them not to mention me to him. He moved on; he got married. His focus should be his wife.
It's a Friday night, and I'm enjoying the sound of rain as I grade my students' essays. I'm surrounded my papers on my couch when a soft knock at my front door pulls my attention away. I stand up and place the papers and red pen on the coffee table. It's eleven, and I wasn't expecting anyone.
I open and my eyes go wide. Lucas is standing in front of me soaking wet.
"Hi." His voice sends chills down my spine
"Wh-what are you doing here Lucas?" I stammer at first. We stand there for a minute staring at each other neither one of us uttering a single word
"Elle and I divorced three months ago."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but why are you here?"
He clears his throat, "She wasn't you. I thought I moved on, but she wasn't you," I barely hear him.
"I-I still don't know why you are here Lucas." I stare at him. I see his green eyes, I always remembered them be filled with life, they're empty.
"Can I come him?" he asks.
"I don't th-" he pushes past me inside my apartment. I never thought this would ever happen me and Lucas alone in my apartment in my living room.
"I need to tell you something Riley and I need you to listen please."
"Okay," I mumble.
He takes a deep breath, "I made a mistake that day. I shouldn't have married Elle. I thought I loved her, I really did, but when I seen you there outside the church I knew right there and then what I just did. The look on your face broke me." He steps towards me and I take a half step back. I feel the tears start to build in my eyes.
"I tried to push you out of my head and focus on my marriage. I committed myself to her, and I owed it to her to try. No matter what I did though, I couldn't stop thinking about you and she noticed. Riley, I love you. I want to be with you." He takes another step towards me, and I take a full one back.
"Lucas, I-I-" I brush my hair out of my face and his eyes draw to my hand.
"Oh, I see." He says as his eyes stayed glued to my left hand.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I met someone, his name is James. He makes me happy." I can see his eyes gloss over with tears, and my heart hurts for him. I never wanted to hurt him. "Lucas you were my first kiss, but I plan on making him my last."
"I'm sorry I came. I shouldn't have." He moves around me to my front door and reaches for the door knob.
"I'm really sorry Lucas."
He stays frozen in his spot. "No I am. I was the one who ruined everything," he says without looking back at me. He opens the door and once he is out in the hall he finally turns around to face me. I see a few tears run down his cheeks and I feel my own running down mine. "Bye, Riley."
"Goodbye, Lucas." I watch him walk away.
The distance between the two of us grows with each step he takes. As soon as I can no longer see him, I go back inside. I slide down the door and hold my knees to my chest as I feel my body tremble, maybe I'm the one making the mistake now.