I really tried, but no matter what I did, I couldn't keep from crying. Reminiscing back to the way the Titanic looked 84 years ago compared to the rusted sight in front of me was enough to make me cry. The sound of the ship's fine china shattering filled my ears once more. The Titanic was such an exquisite ship back in the day, a beautifully furnished steel masterpiece. My heart hurt just thinking about it. Everything about it reminded me of Jack. After all these years, Jack never left my mind. Even on my wedding day, thoughts of Jack crossed my mind. So to see a cyber re-enactment of the tragedy that permanently separated us was almost unbearable. I miss him so much sometimes that it hurts.
Lizzie, the dear she is, noticed my distress and tried to get me to leave. But some fiber of my being would not let me leave and as a result I snapped at her unintentionally. I felt terrible for my outburst and quickly told her that I was okay and that I wanted to continue the conversation. She looked at me concerned, before deciding that she would be unable to change my mind. I was left to my thoughts again for a few brief minutes. The happiest I'd been in years was when I saw my picture on the news. The moment I saw it, I remembered what it was like to be on the other end of the artistic process. Lying there, clad in nothing but the Heart of the Ocean, was the most scandalous and invigorating thing I had ever done. Although I admit that having Jack periodically scanning my body made me self-conscious. Seeing the picture reminded me that Jack wasn't just a figment of my imagination, he was real. Lizzie doesn't know this but, I loved Jack so much I changed my surname to Dawson upon my rescue. I needed something to remember him by; he was the most phenomenal person I had ever met.
I remembered the feeling of his lips on mine. One of the most wonderful feelings I have ever experienced. I blinked, and when I opened my eyes and returned my eyes to the screen, the feelings and image of Jack left me instantly causing me to feel a painful twinge in my heart. One of the most dominant memories I have of the Titanic was its sinking. The sinking of the Titanic is the most traumatic thing I have ever experienced. It is because of this tragedy that Jack was taken from me. My mother couldn't separate us, nothing could, or so we had thought. Fate had other plans. Over 1000 people lost their lives that fateful morning. Only six people survived, six! Out of 22000, it was like an unintended mass murder. It was also one of the most eye-opening experiences of my life. It showed me how fragile and vulnerable life really is, as the great RMS Titanic gained water and sunk, faster and faster, before snapping in half like a twig, and sinking into the abyss. The unsinkable had been sunk.
I thought back to being in the freezing water. Jack was right; it WAS so cold it was like little knives stabbing me. It was excruciatingly painful. I wanted nothing more than to break down crying in self-pity, but Jack made me strong enough not to. He kept my mind off the pain momentarily by telling me romanticized stories of how my life would be once I got rescued. To him, there was no if. I was going to survive and that was that.
Now here I was, back where it all began. I was no longer merely alive, I was living, all thanks to Jack. Slowly I awoke from my reverie and returned to a room filled with curious expressions and prying eyes. I had made up my mind; I wanted to do this-for Jack.