Ok confession time, I was always the cynic. You know that one friend who when something good happens is always waiting for the other shoe to drop? The kind that was unable to relax ever because they were stressing out like crazy?
Yeah, that friend was me.
Long story short I was a sarcastic,negative control freak, we got that? Ok.
So Imagine my dismay at this motherfucking situation.
As an atheist I imagined my counciousness just ceasing to exist after my death, so imagine my supise when I woke up (yeah WOKE UP AFTER DYING DAFQ?!) by getting smacked on the ass and being unable to see.
How did I die? Not telling~~
… Nosy buggers…it's not yet the time in the story…yes yes I know very meta…moving on.
It took me a while to figure out that I was a GODDAMN baby.I hated rugrats and I now was one .
What. The. Fuck.
I'll spare you the nappy changing and the cooing and the breastfeeding ,oh hell the breastfeeding…good for your child, nope traumatizing more like, even though nobody spared me…you're welcome.
When I could finally see and move my first sight was my parents and sibligs …blonde was my first thought.
-Sook come your little sis is awake! She is such a cute child I hope she looks nothing like her mother.
Yelled the man.
Sook? What kind of retarded name was Sook? I had a pet hamster once and I named him Prometheus come on I wouldn't name my hamster something as undignified as ,,Sook" was that even a word? A bouncy blond rugrat of undeterminable age (shut up all kids look the same to me) bounced up and smiled at me…
-Jason you come here too young man ! She looks so adorable.
Wait a motherfucking minute,he couldn't have yelled the other part,one the woman who I thought was my mother was right there and she didn't smack him or show any indication she had heard him and two his lips after saying awake were shut.
Like sealed shut so unless the motherfucker (motherfucker…hehehe) was a ventriloquist I don't see how…oh..OH…OH HELL NO!
Sook,Jason,blonde people, hearing shit nobody said, being reborn…suddenly the niggling feeling at the back of my brain disappeared…this was not happening I have read way too many fanfiction of this happening it is retarded and I refuse…plus True Blood? Really? I hated the show, hated Sookie and Jason and everyone except for like three people but they all end up liking Sookie the swine and nope nope nope…
The show was stupid too and I didn't watch most of it …fucking Bill and his constant SOOKEH SOOKEH like bruh shut ur whore mouth…
Well thanks to fanfiction I know the important shit but there is no way in hell I'm going to do what those OC's did no way no how nuhuh .
I will not stay in Bon Wherethefuckever and be a waitress , nothing wrong with waitressing but I finished college and I …oh...oh fuuuck I had to go to school all over again nuuuuu! I literally just finished!
Ok, first things first no breaking down 'till I've got everything set up ( shut up I'm a control freak so what?) and I have to finish school and move out asap…until I do I am living with... oh fuuck meee. And dafuq did that asshat farie father mine mean?...OH fuck…he didn't? Did he?
…Shit her eyes are gray just like her mother …shit well…we'll just have to be the nice relatives who took her in from my brother…yes genius…wait my wife knows I don't have a brother…AHA glamour her!
HE DID! Cheating assho…wait faries can not only read minds and have bullshit glowy powers and stupid I'm-a-snack-eat-me blood but they can glamour people too? What? Sookeh never had that power as far as I know but her mother is a human and her,our father is 1/4 fairy so her blood is more diluted…and didn't she develop her juju later on? Shit can she hear me ok…
Sookeh I am Lord Sauron stuck in this infant body release me so I can wreak havoc on the world become my minion hahahahah…
….aaand….nothing…not even a twitch…maybe think harder?
I shall feast upon your flesh!
…nada
SANTA ISN'T REAL!
…nope
Ur an fggt…the cake is a lie…U HAVE A GIANT SPIDER ON YOUR HEAD!
…ok so either she hasn't developed yet or she can't hear me…also how can I hear people?Can I ?
…she has grey eyes?…
…the gossip!…wait the remote…did I leave that thing in the couch?...wait that's not the problem! …
…we can play and braid each others hair and…
…ugly…I'm bored can I leave yet?...wonder where the remote is…
My eyebrow twitched…ok I hear their thoughts…dad is an idiot, I'll have to avoid Sookeh and Jerkson is a rude ass bitch, like boi u ugly too…jackass…oh well just you wait Jassie pooh when you get hooked on V and you get trash dumped on you and you have the boner of death and my father cheated …now can I read minds this early because I have an adult brain orr I have more faery blood because he cheated with a woman with some faery blood?….I guess we shall see.
Now to learn how to control this mind reading thing…no need to listen in on Jerkson when he hit puberty, no siree.
…I'm gonna have to learn to meditate or some shit aren't I ? Ghhhhhhhhhhhhhh Screw you karma screw you…with a pointy stick.