I Choose…
Disclaimer: I don't own the Phantom of the Opera. It belongs to Gaston Leroux.
By the way, this is mostly an ALW based one-shot that has one or two bits used from other versions. This is supposed to be funny, so don't take this too seriously.
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"You try my patience! Make your choice!" Erik hissed at her. Just for effect, he tugged on the lasso he had around Raoul's neck.
Christine stared back and forth between the men. Erik was looking rather nice with his pants wet up to his thighs. Raoul looked… well rather pathetic considering he was tied to a portcullis with the Punjab Lasso around his neck. She looked back and forth between the men for many moments, causing them both to become rather uncomfortable.
Finally, Christine sighed and said, "I choose… neither."
"What!" Both men exclaimed. They stared at each other then Christine with dumb-founded expressions.
"I said that I choose neither of you," Christine repeated firmly.
"You can't do that!" Erik protested. "It wasn't one of the choices! You have to either choose this unfortunate boy –" he tugged on the lasso again "– or me."
"Well I don't choose either of you," Christine said with a haughty sniff. She crossed her arms and turned away from them.
"For once, this maniac is right! You can't do that, Christine! Gaston Leroux will be turning in his grave!" Raoul managed to yell despite the taut rope around his throat.
"Too bad! You guys treat me like… like… some possession! I'm tired of it!" Christine exclaimed.
"It's not our fault," Raoul whined.
"Mon ange, that's the way this time period is," Erik said. He couldn't believe he agreed with the fop. He had the strong urge to wash his mouth out with soap.
"I don't care. I'm not choosing either of you!" Christine stated once more.
With another huff, the girl marched off towards her bedroom in Erik's lair. The two men stood where they were. Erik, holding the Punjab Lasso and looking quite nice in his wet pants and Raoul still tied to the portcullis and feeling remarkably like crap. Christine came marching out of her room with a cloak over her and the wedding dress and stalked out of the Lair to the Rue Scribe entrance.
The men blinked, looked at each other, then looked at the door, and then back at each other. Erik was the first to react. He glared at Raoul and hissed, "This is all your fault."
"My fault? My fault!" Raoul echoed. "If you hadn't kidnapped her then we – Hey! Where are you going? You can't just leave me here!"
Erik stalked out of the lake and left him in search of some strong liquor to accompany him as he composed his first wave of depression away. Then, he would ponder a plan that would help him get Christine back and take over the world. Oh wait, wrong show. Forget about taking over the world.
…Several hours later…
"Can someone please get me down from here? I have to pee and there's something bubbling in this water!"
The End.
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Methinks this has crack!fic potential. Anyways, review if you want. Remember, this is supposed to be funny, so don't rag on me about the lack of complete plot-ness or something.