Human Condition
Dib is on the couch. He can't move except to speak, the poison I injected into him has seen to that. It is just him and I in the base. GIR is in the equipment room, offline, and has been for some time. I will get around to fixing him sooner or later, but right now my attention is focused on more important things. The Dib blinks wildly as I step closer to the couch myself, and I smile as I read the terror in his eyes. I jump onto the couch beside him, the remote control in my hand and I laugh, overjoyed to see how frightened of me he now is. My eyes narrow as I think back to the days when he treated me like a joke, and I raise my hand and strike him hard on the side of the face. How dare he! My hand throbs but I do not let the pain show in my face. His eyes are wet with tears as the television flickers into life.
A human female with neat blonde hair appears on the screen, seated behind a desk with a sombre look on her face. I have seen her before, she delivers their news. Many a time I have heard tell of some so-called tragedy, humans killing humans and saving me a job. There are no wars on Irk, no murders. It is simply too illogical and, yes, ridiculous to think that we would kill each other when there are much more worthier enemies out there in the universe. I scoff as I hear of a drug-based killing somewhere in the city, and the Dib's eyes shoot me a look. He actually agrees with me! He thinks it's stupid too. But then he knows better, doesn't he? He knows that the humans are not alone.
The female carries on, talking about things that don't really matter. I only watch to keep up with current events, so I know how the state of the planet will help or hinder my plans to conquer it. None of it seems relevant tonight, just like the night before. None of it matters to me.
"What are you doing, Zim?" Dib asks as I rest my head in my hands.
"I'm watching the news, Dib," I reply dryly, knowing full well that that isn't what he meant. He wants to know why I haven't killed him yet. I smirk, thinking of the agony he must be going through in his mind, wondering how long he's got and how I'm going to do it. That's why I haven't done it yet. This show is too good to miss.
"What have you done to me?" he asks calmly. I don't like it. I want him to panic and sweat and be genuinely afraid. Instead he seems collected, almost peaceful. It's not good enough, but I can see the red mark on his cheek from where I hit him before and decide that it will have to do me for now. I can sense him looking at me as I continue to watch the screen. I took his glasses a long time ago, and I keep them in my pocket where he can see them. He knows I have them, and he knows I'm just waiting for him to ask for them back.
"I have injected you with an alien poison that acts as a muscle relaxant, Dib," I say evenly, not even turning to look at him. I want him to think that his torture is boring to me, even though right now it is his whole world.
"But why?" Dib asks, and with satisfaction I note the edge of hysteria in his voice. I smile, and turn to him slowly.
"I have many experiments to perform on you Dib, I cannot risk you escaping," I say, smiling.
"Then why didn't you just knock me out?" he demands. I turn back to the television screen.
"It would be no fun if you weren't awake, Dib," I say maliciously. His eyes widen, adding to my satisfaction.
A familiar voice comes from the television, catching both of our attention. At last I pluck the glasses from my pocket and shove them roughly onto Dib. I don't want him to miss this.
"I just want my son to come home," says a deep voice, evenly, but with a low sadness ingrained into it. Professor Membrane, the stupid human's father, stands behind a podium on the screen, with his daughter next to him. She is crying silently and trying not to look at the camera, with her hair hanging over her face as though she hasn't tended to it in days. It's all I can do to stop myself from laughing as Dib stares in horror at the scene unfolding before him. His loved ones are hurting.
Gaz steps up onto the podium and pushes some straggly strands out of her face. I must confess, I was a little shocked. I had not expected her to speak. For so long I had seen her terrorise her brother, torturing him mentally and punishing him physically. I'm sickened by the whole display! She treated him so badly and now she stands there weeping, begging him to come home! She never took the time to listen to his warnings, and he always tried to share his life with her. He cared about her, and she never gave a damn.
I look at Dib. His eyes are narrowed.
"Something wrong human?" I ask, acting as though I take pleasure in his pain but I don't. I can't explain the feeling, but it isn't enjoyment.
"She's such a liar," he snarls, seeming to have forgotten that I'm his sworn enemy. "She doesn't care."
"That much is obvious, stink-beast," I say nonchalantly as the news draws to a close. "She treats you like dirt."
"Everyone does," he says bluntly, and I don't know what to say, so I say nothing. I switch the television off and go down into the equipment room to finally start working on GIR. Talking to the Dib human has made me uncomfortable.
-
It's now been three days since the news report. Dib is in a cell now, underneath the base. The poison has long since worn off, and I think he is relieved that I didn't actually do anything to him. I had intended to, but fixing GIR had been more time consuming than I had predicted, and I did need the robot around. His cell is next to the main terminal of the computer, and as I work on it I can see him hunched in the corner, hugging his knees to his chest and hiding in the shadows. He's given up shouting at me now, demanding that I let him out.
I have let him keep his glasses.
-
The police came to the base today, asking about the Dib human, I told them I had not seen him and that I was concerned for him. I told them he was my 'friend'. They said they wanted to search my base, but all they really did was take a quick look around the living room. One of them even petted GIR. They do not suspect me at all.
I told Dib of this, but much to my chagrin he did not seem upset. In fact, he seemed fairly indifferent. He just shrugged and quietly ate his soup, and he didn't try to throw the bowl at me when he had finished.
-
Now I am working on camera devices which I will use to spy on the humans. I want to bug the head quarters of the city officials, to see how the Earth government is run. I do not yet know enough about their defences, so I cannot report to the Tallest on the best course of action to take when conquering this filthy little planet. Dib is watching me from his cell. At first I was annoyed by this, but now I have grown used to feeling his eyes on my back as I work, drinking in every detail which he knows I will never let him report.
"Do you miss Irk?" he asks behind me. I turn around to look at him. His hands are curled around the bars and he is resting his head against them, looking at me as though I were just another human.
"Yes," I reply, turning back to my work. "I have long since grown weary of this disgusting rock and long to return home to my glorious planet." I say all of this levelly, trying to convey that it is not so much that I miss Irk, it is more that I hate Earth.
"What's it like there?" he asks. I sigh and look at him.
"I am busy, stink-beast," I say shortly. "I do not have time for your questions."
"I just wondered," he says defensively, slinking away from the bars. A silence passes between us, and then I speak.
"Irk is a wondrous planet, ruled by our Almighty Tallest. We exist only to conquer other planets and expand our fearsome empire, and that is all you need to know."
"That's not what I meant," Dib says after a short pause.
"Then what did you mean?" I ask absently as I pull wires out of the camera. I cannot concentrate properly for some reason and I shall have to start again.
"I meant what colour is the sky there? What was it like where you grew up? You know, personal things like that."
I do not answer him. I am too busy dealing with the shock that I do not remember.
-
I have decided that Dib is becoming too comfortable, so I have dragged him from his cell and strapped him to an operating table. GIR is upstairs, sulking. He says he doesn't want me to hurt the disgusting human. I am angry at him and will have to make sure that I punish him later. He would not help me move Dib and now I have a cut above my eye where the human was able to take a swipe at me. Now he lies terrified before me, sweating and glancing at the tools that surround him on stainless steel tables.
"What are you going to do to me?" he asks, trembling.
"Whatever I choose," I reply, selecting a sharp scalpel from one of the tables. He shuts his eyes tightly as I lower the blade to his skin. He can feel the metal against his skin and I am loving every moment of this. He's just waiting for the instant when it breaks through and sends his blood gushing forth and it is so delicious that I just can't bring myself to do it. I begin to laugh in short bursts, raising my hand because it is shaking so much. Dib opens his eyes and looks at me.
"Stop laughing," he commands, and I do. I am too enraged to laugh now.
"Do not tell me what to do!" I yell, and I swipe the blade across his thigh, not deeply, but enough to make him bleed. He winces but he does not cry out. Angry I fling the blade across the table where it bounces and clatters to the floor. He smirks.
"Not getting under your skin, am I Zim?" he asks. He is being foolishly brave, a detestable human trait. I snatch up another knife from the table. This one is much bigger and sharper and no where near as precise. I hold it under his chin.
"What colour are your skies, Dib?" I hiss, before storming off and leaving him there.
-
The time has come to punish GIR for disobeying me. I drag him through the base and we come to a stop outside of Dib's cell. The foolish robot is crying, but he is not putting up a fight. We both know that he could free himself from my grasp in a second, but he doesn't. It's because he knows he has done wrong. Dib watches horrified, pressed up against the bars of his cell. I want him to know that what happens to the robot from here on out is his fault, and his fault alone.
I pick up a remote and point it at GIR. He stands still in front of me and doesn't try to run. On the remote there is a large dial, which says simply ON and OFF. I've never used it before. I've never turned the robot off once. Most invaders turn their SIR Units off when they are not using them, but I am not so foolish. I need GIR ready and able at a moment's notice.
"GIR, do you know why I am doing this?" I ask the robot smoothly, but I am unable to look at him.
"Because I was bad," he answers timidly, bowing his head.
"That's right," I say, poising my hand over the dial. GIR's eyes dim as I pinch the dial between my fingers. I begin to turn…
"Stop!" I turn to look at Dib, taking my hand off of the remote. I roll my eyes at him.
"What do you want, Dib?" I ask in a tired tone.
"Don't turn him off! It's not his fault, it's mine," he wails, reaching pointlessly through the bars even though I am at least eight feet from him. GIR looks up at the human through puzzled eyes.
"I know that Dib," I say, taking the dial between my fingers once more. I turn it sharply, and GIR's lifeless metal body falls to the ground. Dib jumps back from the bars as if he has been electrocuted, and I do not hear from him for the rest of the day.
-
The sun has barely set before I turn GIR on again.
I don't know what is wrong with me.
-
"Children, we have a new student today," Miss Bitters announces as I sit bored in class, idly playing with my pencil. The new girl is introduced as Sam and is told to sit down. She casts a furtive glance around the classroom before taking up Dib's old seat.
No one says a word.
-
I have moved Dib into the house and I have had the computer build him a room in the upper part of the house. I have grown weary of him questioning me every time I am trying to work in my base, and I know that he isn't as afraid of me as he once was. He knows I did not leave GIR deactivated, and now he thinks I have grown soft. I haven't done any experiments on him for a while either, but in truth I have exhausted all of the research I can do without killing him.
He cannot leave his room at all, and I have GIR check the security camera in there every day. I myself have not seen the human for weeks.
-
Gaz has returned to Skool at last. It has been six months since Dib's disappearance. She seems different. It is lunch time now and she is sitting by herself, staring at her food. Her Game Slave is nowhere to be seen, and no one is making any effort to talk to her. Suddenly, I find myself off my food, and I stride past her.
"Hi Zim," she says as I head for the trash cans. I stop dead in my tracks, but only for a second, before I continue on my way.
-
Reluctantly I climb stairs that never used to exist. I knock loudly on the Dib's door and I hear him scrambling out of his bed. "What?" he calls to me.
"I have just come to inform you that your sister has returned to Skool," I say off-handedly. There is no reply, so I walk back towards the stairs.
"Why are you telling me this?" he asks. I stop and return to the door.
"It is Irken Code of War to treat prisoners fairly," I say, and every inch of me knows I am making it up. There is no Irken Code of War. We are merciless killing machines, and those who we conquer deserve no special treatment because they are beneath us. They are mere animals.
There is a snort from the other side of the door. "You're lying," he sneers at me. I start to shake, because he is right. I am lying.
"Are you well?" I ask, acting as if I did not hear him.
"What?" he says.
"I said, are you well?" I slide my back down the door until I am sitting with my knees up against my chest. Something tells me that Dib is doing the same on the other side of the cold metal.
"I'm not sick if that's what you mean," he replies.
"It was," I say pointlessly. There is a horrible silence between us, and I know he wants me to leave. I think he likes me even less this way. I know I do.
"Do you want to go home?" I ask. It's not an offer, it's just a question.
"No," he says. I am astonished.
"What?" I shriek.
"I can't go home to my sister and my dad. They'll ask me where I've been, and they won't believe me when I tell them the truth. It will all go back to being just the way it was, with no one on my side."
Feelings are squirming around inside me, and I hate them. But I can ignore them no more.
"That sounds very lonely," I say quietly.
"You tell me," he replies.
-
I nervously pull at my antennae as the computer tries to establish a link to the Tallest. For as long as I can remember I have been nervous before speaking to them. They are everything I aspire to be. One day I hope I can be just like them in every way, with the whole of the Irken Empire looking up to me in the same way that I look up to them.
"What is it Zim?" Purple asks. He sounds tired. I can only assume that the invasion is entering a gruelling stage.
"I bring further news of my progress on Earth, my tallest," I say smartly, trying to be every inch the perfect invader. Purple waves his hand, indicating that I should continue. "Though my experiments on the Dib human have been hindered by the earthlings limited healing process, I have discovered much more about the anatomy of the creatures of this planet. As soon as my research is complete I shall send you a full report detailing their weaknesses."
"Very good," Purple says. The computer signs off before I can say another word.
The Tallest must be extremely busy.
-
"Zim, did you take Dib?"
"Like you care, filthy human."
-
My continued habitation on this planet has begun to mould my psyche. I am finding myself tired after particularly difficult days, and my PAK is not enough to restore me. In short, I have found myself requiring sleep.
And I have also begun to dream.
-
I have decided to let Dib go. He is of no further use to me, but first I must take him back down into my base and erase his memory. It is a simple procedure, it should take no more than a few minutes. GIR has learned his lesson and is this time aiding me in moving Dib. We arrive outside of his room and I punch in the code to open the door. When we step inside we see that the human is asleep. The room is also different. He has moved the bed so that it is next to the window, and one of the pillows is on the floor. He has hung a sheet in front of the window too.
"Wake him up, GIR," I instruct. The robot leaps onto the bed and bounces on the mattress, shocking the human awake. I cannot suppress a small laugh.
"What's going on?" Dib asks fuzzily as GIR clamps a pair of manacles around his wrists.
"I am letting you go, Dib," I say in what I hope is a hard voice.
"What? Why?" he asks, putting his glasses on with some difficulty.
"I have no further use for you," I say wearily. He tries to get up, but GIR pins him to the bed. "However, I must take you down into the base and erase your memory first." He gives me a strange look.
"Why aren't you killing me?" he asks, trying to fight GIR off.
"Irken Code of War," I say, but even I am having trouble believing the lie.
GIR marches him out of his room. Dib comes surprisingly quietly, but then, as we reach the top of the stairs he manages to catch my robot unawares. GIR tumbles down with a sickening clang each time his metal body thumps against a step. Dib closes his eyes, trying to block out the image of what he has just done. He manages to close one of his hands on my arm, and I too am now perched precariously at the top of the stairs. I swallow, hard. If he pushes me it is possible that I won't survive.
"Go on Dib beast," I say nastily. "Do it." I feel his fingers tighten their grip on me, but the fall doesn't come. Eventually, he lets go.
"There's no point," he says with a sigh. "You'd only use those spider legs of yours to stop yourself from falling." Suddenly I am reeling. I had completely forgotten that I even had them. I yell at him to get down the stairs and we both walk past GIR's dented, lifeless body, trying not to look.
-
It's been three hours since I put Dib back on the operating table. I am pacing around the lab, raised up on my spider's legs and trying to remind myself that I am an Irken invader. That Dib is the enemy and killing him should be easy. That I shouldn't be worried about GIR lying motionless at the foot of the stairs because he is replaceable and besides, invaders need no one.
Dib lays quiet on the table, asleep. He won't wake up until I want him too. In a fit of rage I stride up to him and take up a scalpel, raising it above my head, but before I can cut the boy my computer informs me that there is someone at the front door. I command the computer to let the Robo-Parents deal with it, but then I see that it is Gaz. I put the scalpel to one side and rush up to the front door, pulling on my disguise.
It's pointless though; she knows who I am.
"What do you want?" I ask, but she barges her way in and sits on the couch.
"You have him, don't you?" she says. She doesn't sound angry.
"Yes," I admit, and if anything she seems relieved.
"Is he ok?" she asks.
"He's alive, if that's what you mean."
"I thought he'd just run away," she says, wiping her eyes. "I didn't think he'd been captured by you."
"Why not?" I ask, offended.
"Because he would have been able to escape," she says, but without a trace of sarcasm. She's not saying it because she thinks I'm weak. She's saying it because she thinks he's strong. "He's my big brother," she says with a shrug. "He can do anything."
-
I erased Gaz's memory that day, not Dib's. And I didn't tell him what his sister had said, either. I didn't want him to know that she cared, because I was jealous. I was actually jealous. I wanted to make sure that he felt as alone as I did.
-
Dib is back in his room. I couldn't let him go. But right now he is not my concern. I am standing deep down in my base, with a hunk of twisted metal before me. I have not been able to repair GIR, and I have been working on him for weeks. I am angry at Dib for what he has done. He has cost me my servant!
I lie so much these days.
I grab the lifeless robot and run up the stairs, pounding the code into the control panel fiercely. Dib's door unlocks and I storm inside. Dib is sitting on the floor as I throw the robot onto his bed, looking at him through eyes of pure hatred. He recoils and tries to shift into the corner, trying to get away from me. Deep inside I feel a small pang of pleasure; he is afraid of me again.
"I cannot fix him!" I roar, pointing at the bed. Dib glances over to GIR, a look of sadness in his eyes.
"I'm so sorry Zim," Dib says. I think he's being genuine. I lower my hand to my side and narrow my eyes at the human.
"You killed him," I say through gritted teeth.
"Killed him?" Dib repeats. "How can I kill him? He's a thing, a machine!" I realise what I have just said, and I run from Dib's room. I don't stop until I am in the equipment room, and by that point the tears are falling from eyes as though they will never stop. I strike the wall over and over as I understand what I am doing.
I am grieving for GIR.
-
Without GIR around I have to take care of Dib now. I have to make sure he gets his meals and that he doesn't get ill from being cooped up all day. I am still so angry with him that I see red every time I throw another bowl of filthy human food into his room, I am angry because I miss GIR so much. But I know I cannot hurt Dib, or kill him. And I cannot let him go. I know I would miss him too.
-
It's been a year since I captured Dib, and today I am going to let him out of his room. I am feeling guilty, I cannot stand seeing his sister moping around Skool. These human emotions are bothering me.
"Go home Dib," I say, and I leave his room immediately, with the door wide open. I go down into my base and wait for him to leave.
After an hour and a half, he does.
-
Professor Membrane has staged a massive conference announcing the return of his son. Gaz is there too, and it's going to be televised. I sit by myself in my big empty base, with my eyes fixed on the screen. I'm nervous, scared in case he exposes me, but I cannot care too much. I'm starting to think that capture wouldn't be so bad.
Dib steps up to the podium and gives a nervous cough. "Uh, ladies and gentlemen. Um, I think it is only fair that I tell the world where I have been for the last year." I swallow hard. "I have been in hospital. After falling into a disused mine I was found some time later by a woman who could not speak any English. She took me unconscious to a hospital in…" And so it went on, with a whole host of far-fetched excuses, but none that sounded more ludicrous than being held hostage by an alien. I stared at the television in wide-eyed shock. It didn't make sense for Dib to be protecting me.
I shut the television off and went down into my base, to make some modifications to my Voot Runner.
-
I wake up with a splitting headache. I am in a dark room, and the only light is a faint blue glow next to me that is nowhere near good enough to see by. I feel strange, and then I realise that part of my PAK has been disabled.
Suddenly the sound of heavy curtains been thrown back reaches me and light floods the room. Dib stands silhouetted in the sunlight, looking triumphant.
"Awake at last I see," he says. I shake my head and look beside me. GIR's body is there, full of dents, but there is a faint blue glow coming from his eyes.
"Master," he says in a voice I can barely hear.
"You fixed him?" I ask incredulously. Dib shrugs.
"I tried," he says. "I think that's as good as he'll ever be. I look back at GIR. It does not seem as though he can move any part of his body. I reach over and pull the body next to mine, letting the arms fall loosely where they will. I stare back up at Dib, at the bars that separate us.
"I'm your prisoner," I say tonelessly.
"Yes," Dib replies. "But don't worry, I shan't kill you. Earthling Code of War."
I give him a smirk and look past his ear and out of the window.
The sky is blue today.