Fem! Jake AU. The lengths she goes to in convincing her parents that she is fine [Library of Souls]
Title belongs to Sia's song "Big Girls Cry". I recommend listening to it as you read this.
It had only been a few days since Joel had returned to Florida with her parents after the events in the Library, but already she felt uneasy. Her parents were keeping a constant watch on her, the feel of eyes on her back reminding Joel of Grandpa Abe, his final days filled with the constant knowledge of the Hollows keeping watch of him. 'Don't be an idiot, most of the Hollows are destroyed, and even if there was one, I could control it' Joel thought to herself. If anything, being around her parents scared her more than dealing with the Hollows.
Joel did her best to try and pretend that she couldn't remember the past week for her parents, while still trying to keep her new-found self-confidence and sense of peace. She did her best to act much like she did before Grandpa Abe was killed, with an awkwardness about her body and stunted social skills, while still keeping with who she had become on her adventure.
Her parents still weren't completely convinced that she was fine.
Truth be told, she wasn't.
She missed the friends she had made and found in the Peculiar children, Addison and Miss Peregrine. She couldn't go back to them though, they had already gone through with having friends that would change and grow old with her grandfather; she wouldn't do the same. And she couldn't live with them permanently, that would destroy her parents, having already lost her once.
For the good of everyone, she decided to show no visible signs of anything having happened, instead slowly changing her wardrobe to things that her parents would want her to wear; her comfortable, baggy jeans and shirts that hid her figure were traded for form-fitting blouses, dresses and skirts. Her normally short hair had slowly grown out during her time in the loops, the gentle waves caressing her shoulders, now held back in intricate braids or by beautiful hairpieces. Once she was back in Florida, she had dyed in purple streaks, the colour and style reminiscent of Miss Peregrine's own blue-black hair, the colour glistening in the sunlight.
Although Joel knew what she was doing with every change, she didn't realise just how much she would be reminded of her friends with each change. Walking past her bedroom mirror before getting ready to sleep, Joel paused, turning to stare at her reflection. She saw a stranger copying her movements on the other side of the glass.
'Is that really me?' Joel thought, studying the subtle changes between her Before and her After. She liked some of the changes that she saw, the straighter stance and determined stare filled with a deep-seated confidence. But her heart ached when she saw reminders of the peculiars, silent sobs starting to wrack through her body.
She saw Olive in her slightly windswept curls; Enoch in the doll-like style of her dress; Hugh and Fiona in the garden scene embroidery of her skirt; Claire in the adorning bows; Bronwyn was wound around her wrist in simple woven bracelets; Addison in the bow-tie around her neck. Emma was there in the colour-changing nail polish, halfway between colours from the humid Florida heat and the cool air-conditioning being blasted through her room; while Millard was there in the pen and notebook Joel found herself carrying everywhere.
Worst still were the reminders of her grandfather. Joel already knew that she shared quite a few of his traits, her peculiarity one of the first to come to mind. But now she saw him clearly, her experience of his once-stories giving her a similar edge as he. Her eyes almost glowed with the inner-power of her peculiarity, much like Abe's did when she was a little girl.
'Would you be proud of me Grandpa? Would you recognise me if you saw me right now?'
A part of her heart was scared to admit that she couldn't quite recognise herself, while another rejoiced at seeing what had been missing all her life.
During one of her trips outside Joel ran into Ricky, the boy doing a double take at her appearance, not having noticed her until she waved.
"Joel? Is that really you?" Ricky was stunned at the transformation Joel had undergone, seeing no sign of the nerdy tomboy that had left him, while being confronted with the elegant young woman returned in her place.
"Yeah, hey Ricky, how have you been?" Her head no longer bowed or seeked to look up at him, instead looking at him as an equal.
"I've been doing fine, things have been quieter while you were away, but what's up with you? I mean, you look - different, good, but different." Ricky wasn't quite sure what to make of this familiar stranger.
Joel smiled a sad smile, filled hidden secrets, "I guess I just, found myself, while I was in Wales."
Hey, so this is my first published fanfic. A friend of mine had read 'Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children' a couple of years ago, and it was only recently that I decided to read the series. I finished it in a matter of days, and yearn for more. However, as all writers are want to do, there were ideas that I had about the series, 'what-if's and 'how-about's, that I decided to write them for myself.
I hope that all readers can take my work seriously, and enjoy it as intended.
Thanks everyone!