Title: Revisionist History: 1x09 Who's Zoomin Who?
Author: Fate Believer
Summary: A re-write on how the ending could have gone.
Pairing: M/D C/B mentions of A/D
Rating: K to M
Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy or Shonda Rhimes. I'd love to own Patrick Dempsey. However, they are all property of ABC and our lovely Shonda Rhimes.
A/N: I'd really like to make this into a series. So all feedback is appreciated, positive or negative!
Meredith Grey trudged towards the lobby slowly. It had been an extremely long day and now all she wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed with Derek. Her brain was on overdrive and had been since early this morning when the nursing home had called to talk to her about her mother. Now, she was mentally drained, physically exhausted and starving.
Derek sat in the lobby, typing away on his laptop. He noticed her almost immediately and she couldn't help the small smile that came to her face. It was like there was some kind of seventh sense where he always knew when she was around. Truth be told she liked to think she had the same sense about him. No matter where she was she always seemed to know when he was near.
"Long day, " he said by way of greeting as he looked up at her.
"Yeah , " Meredith agreed softly when she came to stand in front of him.
"Someone out there has a steak with your name on it...and maybe a bottle of wine , " he told her as he put his laptop away.
"So this is why I keep you around, " Meredith teased him.
"So we need to talk , " he replied.
"Wine first, talk later , " she answered, trying to ignore the feeling of dread rising in her stomach.
"Ah, so you trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me , " he teased her in return as he put his stuff away and rose up from his seat.
Meredith chuckled.
"I think I like this rules thing, " was her answer as she moved to put her coat on.
"Me too, " he responded with a smile as he helped her into her coat.
They stood there for a moment, with him fixing the collar on her Burberry. They shared a look as she pulled her hair out from beneath her coat.
It was in that moment she knew that she, Meredith Grey, was in love with Derek Sheperd.
Derek smiled at her as he gathered up their things and offered her his arm. She looped hers through his and the exited the hospital in companionable silence. They headed towards his car, as they had left hers behind this morning. He supposed they could use a lesson in discretion, but it wasn't like most of the hospital didn't know they were sleeping together. Still, he was pretty sure Richard still had no idea and it wasn't something he wanted to get back to his mentor by malicious gossip.
No, depending on how Meredith reacted to what he had to tell her tonight, he was most certainly going to have to talk to Richard about their relationship. Honestly, he didn't foresee it being that much of an issue. They still both managed to do their jobs well. They weren't slacking off and ignoring pages. In fact, he would say they worked quite well together. Even Bailey was no longer giving them the evil eye, having realized they were maintaining a level of professionalism.
Truth be told, he enjoyed working with Meredith. She was still learning, but was going to make a brilliant doctor one day. She always asked questions about things she wasn't sure about and she made sure she followed his orders to the letter. That wasn't to say they always saw eye to eye on everything. She was quick to offer another opinion if she felt the need to and he admired that.
Not to mention the fact they kept the same hours. She understood the demands of his job. They didn't always get to see each other as much as he liked, but they managed. Besides, he had the best of both worlds. He got to see her whenever he could and her quirky little smile always made him feel better if he was having a shitty day.
When he had first moved to Seattle, he was miserable. He didn't have any friends and their was a void in his heart from where Addison had just ripped his heart to shreds. Finding your wife in bed with your best friend definitely wasn't one of the top ten things in life he had wanted. Then, by some miracle, he had met this tiny little blonde in a bar. He knew what they said about meeting women in bars. You most certainly weren't going to find anything worth keeping in a bar. Yet he liked to believe that they were the exception to the rule.
He had known the next morning when she had woken up and all but threw him out on his ass, that Meredith was no ordinary woman. He had liked her spunk and her open attitude. She wasn't afraid to hurt his feelings or to speak her mind. Fate had been on his side though. He didn't know what made him look up that day to see her across the hospital, but he thanked whatever higher being responsible for it. It was in that moment he knew that this woman was the one he was meant to be with.
Addison had been calling relentlessly all day and that had gave him pause. If she was calling, that meant something was about to happen, and Derek wasn't fond of surprises. At least not where Addison was concerned. Which is why he was going to tell Meredith about her tonight. He knew he was taking a big chance here. Meredith would no doubt be hurt and angry that he had neglected to tell her that he had a wife. He just prayed that fate would be on his side again and allow her to hear him out.
" Derek, " Meredith's voice broke him from his deep thoughts. It was soft and full of questions unasked.
" Meri, " he answered back as he kissed the top of her hand.
" Where were you just now, " she asked.
" Just lost in thought , " was his answer as they drove towards downtown Seattle.
They had made their reservation just in time and Derek was once again thankful that so far the evening was going along smoothly. It made him hopeful, which was something he hadn't been in a long time. That's what Meredith did for him though. She made him see the good things in life, instead of him dwelling on the bad. Still, he felt nervous about how she was going to react.
He waited until they were almost finished with dinner before he finally mustered up enough courage to bring up what he had been dreading.
" So we need to talk , " he repeated what he had said to her earlier.
He couldn't help but notice the look of apprehension that crossed her face.
" Okay , " was all she said.
" Now, you're probably not going to like all of everything that I have to say, but I want you to hear me out before you say anything , " he said, hating the look that he could see in her eyes.
" Alright... , " Meredith trailed off, unsure of where this was going
" There was a reason I took this job. I wanted out of New York and Richard called me at the right time and I said what the hell. I bought me some land and the trailer and headed out to Seattle. I wanted to get away from all the things in New York. More importantly, I wanted to get away from my wife, Addison.
He watched her pale visably and he reached across the table to take her hand. She tried to pull away, but he kept a strong grip on her.
" Now, let me finish Meri. I wanted to tell you this because I want to build a life with you. Addison and I are separated. We have been since before I moved. I found her in bed with my best friend. I had to get away from it and all the thoughts that were constantly dragging me down. I knew that if I stayed, I would probably end up reconciling with her. I was raised to believe that you don't just give up on your marriage, but she slept with my best friend and I didn't know if I could get past that, " Derek trudged on, looking her straight in the eye, hoping to hell she wasn't going to walk away from him.
" All those phone calls that I've been getting today? They were from Addison. Apparently, she must think enough time has passed to where I might be able to talk and not be so damn mad at her. The thing is though, I'm not even mad at her anymore. I don't care about what she's done or what she's going to do, because I'm not in love with her anymore. I haven't been for a very long time. "
His eyes never left hers and he braced himself for what was coming next. He had seen the spark of anger in her eyes and he didn't blame her one bit. He hadn't lied exactly, but a lie of omission was still a lie. He half expected her to throw her glass of wine on him, but she didn't. She just simply stared at him for what felt like forever. Then she spoke.
" So what am I to you? The girl you screw to get over being screwed, " her voice was laced with bitterness and he flinched. Okay, so this wasn't going as well as he hoped. Derek sighed before answering.
" You are like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me. It's all I know, " he finally said.
" That's not good enough, " Meredith responded coldly before pushing her chair back away from the table and wretching her hand from his.
" Meri-, " Derek started.
" Excuse me, I have to go to the ladies room, " she cut him off as she ran towards the bathroom.
Meredith was proud of herself. She didn't allow herself to cry until she reached the safety of the restroom. Then, she allowed the tears to fall like rain. He was married? All this time he could have told her and he didn't. She had asked for details about his life and he had left out the most important one of all ; that he had a wife. She had come to trust him, rely on him, and even share her most personal secrets with him. He couldn't have told her before now? She had confided in him about her mother, not wanting to lie to him any longer and he had been lying to her all along.
A sob choked itself from her throat and she slid down the wall, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that the man she had fallen so in love with was married.
Separated, a tiny voice in the back of her head reminded her.
Still, he wasn't divorced. He wasn't hers to have. He still legally belonged to a woman named Addison. She took a deep breath and climbed to her feet. Her reflection stared back at her in the mirror. Her face was flushed from crying and her eyes were red. Meredith hated crying. She especially hated crying over men. Men she told herself from the beginning it had been a bad idea to get involved with. He was her boss and she knew it was against the rules, but she had done it anyways. Now, look where it had gotten her.
She supposed it could have been worse. She could have heard it from someone else. she didn't know who, but like she knew, secrets always had a way of coming out. She knew that better than anyone. At least she had heard it from him directly. She imagined a scenario where she and Derek were together and one day out of the blue, a woman just comes up and introduces herself as his wife.
Oh, she was still angry. Livid in fact, but the rational part of her was beginning to take over and for once she allowed it. She had fallen in love with this man. What wasn't to love? He was Dr. McDreamy for pete's sake. That spoke for itself. She made up her mind to allow him to explain himself better. He had never given her a reason to think that he was using her. Hell, he was the one wanting to make rules in their relationship. He was the one who wanted the relationship. That had to mean something didn't it?
He was starting to think she had escaped through the bathroom window when he saw her coming towards the table. He could tell she had been crying and his heart broke. He had never wanted to cause her pain, but he had wanted to be honest with her. He didn't want Addison just showing up one day and Meredith being completely overwhelmed with it. No, he told himself. He had done the right thing by telling her about Addison. Even if she was mad at him, he believed in his heart he had done the right thing. Granted, he should have done it sooner, but better late than never right?
She calmly took her seat again and looked at him.
" You lied to me , " she said.
" I lied to you and I'm sorry. Please don't let this tear us apart Meredith. I know I'm an asshole and you probably hate my guts right now, but believe me when I say, I wasn't trying to keep this from you. I just had no clue had to tell you, " he searched her eyes, begging for some sign of forgiveness.
" I don't hate you. I'm really pissed off at you right now, but I don't hate you. I don't think I could ever hate you, " she replied looking down at the table.
He silently thanked whatever gods were listening.
" I'm going to need some time, Derek. Time to think about what this means and what I want, " she looked up at him.
He nodded, but his heart was breaking. What if she decided she couldn't forgive him?
" I understand, expected that even, " Derek forced a smile to his face.
She reached across the table and brushed her hand against his. She opened her mouth to speak, but she was cut off by the beeping of both their pagers. They both looked down and found the same message from the hospital. Derek waved the waiter over to pay the check and they both hurried towards Seattle Grace.