Are you sure you want to do this? Casey's ears were ringing with the words of the night before. She turned over in her sheets not wanting it to be morning, not wanting to face reality. Reality was much too harsh at the moment, and thinking about what had really happened the night before made her want to curl up in a ball and lie in bed forever. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal, but it didn't matter, her skin burned at the thought of each touch and she recoiled at the sight of her tear streaked face in the mirror once she was finally able to drag herself out of bed. A shower would make it all better she decided, or at least it would clear her head and get her ready to face the day. As she stepped under the scalding hot water, she felt her heart quicken and her mind wandered once again to the events of the previous night.
Casey's felt her heart skip a beat as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She let herself lean against the warmth of his chest, letting him know that he need not pull away. She didn't however, expect him to drive past her road and continue towards the lake. He parked the car next to the beach that Casey could remember as the place she used to go swimming with Emily the summer before despite the haze of her current thoughts.
"Are you really still a virgin?" he asked, with the distinct smell of alcohol wafting to Casey's ears as he leaned in next to her ear. She didn't have the nerve to speak so she slowly nodded her head yes, not able to look him in the eye. He turned her head slightly so she was looking at him.
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to." he softly replied to her reluctant head nod.
"No, its okay." Casey said shifting her self so that he could lean in closer and kiss her.
With that simple answer, he slowly slipped one hand up her shirt while the over fumbled with her pants.
"You have a condom right?" she whispered as he began to undo his own pants.
"Yeah. You aren't on birth control then?"
She shook her head no, wondering in her blurred thoughts why every word felt so impersonal, but hoping that it didn't matter and that going through with everything would make him like her for more than just that night. Within a second the pain that subsided as he suddenly entered her sobered her up enough to realize what was really happened. She was really giving up her virginity to someone she didn't love. It was something she'd scolded other girls for and avoided for so long. It had all happened so fast, too fast for her to form a conscience thought and put a stop to it. But here she was, eighteen years old and on the verge of adulthood, making the biggest mistake of her life.
She turned off the shower and shook herself from the thoughts, suddenly even more aware of the implications of her mistake. She didn't love Max; he was her best friend's ex-boyfriend who was known for the many girls he went through. She loved someone not entirely different, only this someone was somebody she could never have. This somebody was a boy who went through just as many girls, broke just as many hearts, and was just as much attractive as Max, if not more. But he was off-limits and he'd never want her anyways. She could have spent her whole life saving herself for him and he'd never even give her one friendly word, not one chaste kiss. No Derek would never feel the way for Casey as she felt for him
As Casey wrapped herself in her towel she heard a bang at the door and hurried as to not anger Derek anymore. After all, he had hockey practice to get to and that trumped anything Casey had planned for the day. She opened the door expecting Derek's irritated face and tired to quickly brush past him, hoping to avoid any insult. Instead she met a look of concern.
"Why did it take you so long to get home from the party last night, Case?" Derek asked, grabbing her arm so she couldn't avoid the question.
"What to you mean? I guess I just stayed longer than you."
"No, Emily called me right after you left asking me to let her know when you got home. She was worried too. But you weren't home until an hour after you left. The party was only ten minutes away." Derek replied hoping that Casey's reason wasn't what he feared it to be.
"Kendra stopped to drop her friend Amy off on the way back. No big deal." She replied, avoiding his gaze.
"Don't lie to me Case. I know Max brought you home. What happened damnit? Derek didn't mean to sound so mean but his patience wore thin. He instantly regretted it though, when he saw Casey blink back a tear.
"Nothing Derek, just leave me alone." She said with a quiver hoping he would accept that and let her deal with the pain on her own.
"Then why did I find this in the hallway when I woke up this morning?" He asked, holding up a condom wrapper, his hand shaking in anger.
"Its not mine Derek. It's obviously from you when you fucked some other random girl." she shouted at him, trying the best not to fidget, her telltale sign of lying that only Derek knew. She wondered in disdain if it had fallen out of her purse and instantly regretted putting her purse on the car floor where Max must have thrown it.
"It's not mine Casey, and it was right by your purse that you dropped on the floor when you got home .Now tell me what happened."
Casey didn't have the energy to keep lying to him, or even to herself. She answered by collapsing into his arms in tears. Derek dragged her to his room and laid her down. Casey pulled him down beside her and he wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed into his chest. He didn't bother to say a word, knowing whatever he spoke wouldn't take away her pain. They stayed that way for a while, until both fell back asleep, wrapped in each other's arms.