At first the only thing that would satisfy me was your love. And when I finally did get it I forgot that I hated you. But now the only thing that will satisfy me is your defeat. I am your rival again, I will not deny it. I want you to leave my mind and never come back again. Do you here me? Find somebody that isn't a bitch. Or at least not as much as I am. Someone that can love you properly. I want to destroy you. I know. I know I have lost my mind. I can't control the greedy heartless monster inside me. I can't control my emotions the way you can. Do you want to know what the thoughts in my head are thinking right now? You don't. But I will tell you anyway. I hate you. I hate you. I must defeat you. Destroy you. Kill you. I want you dead Near. And I want to be the one that kills you. You see? These are my sick thoughts. My mind is functioning about as well as a zombie's. I can't be near you Near. I don't have my own mind anymore. I can't control my feelings. I can't even bear to pen the three words I really should be, considering this is a letter to my lover. Did you ever think about how grey is a color many people despise; But it's our color? It's black and white. Also you are probably wondering why I left my rosary next to this paper on your table. The reason is this: I can't have something so holy on me when I'm out doing all the badass things I do. Did you think I wore just to look cool? Like some idiots? I didn't. I also couldn't just throw it away. That isn't something you do with a sacred object like that. So just keep it for me. You don't have to wear it. Shove it in your socks drawer for all I care. Just don't get rid of it. I'll guess i'll write those three words now, Near.
I. Love. You.
I do love you. I love you because you are so sweet and forgiving. And I good listener. I hate you because I love you. I hate myself because I hate you because I love you. And I'm going insane because I hate myself because I hate you I hate you because I love you and that's why I'm doing this. Well those are my final goodbyes.
Mihail
P.S. This is also my suicide note.