As a response to Vaire's serious fic, Consequences of Coming Out, which was a response to my humorous fic, Coming Out: Fabulously, I decided to jump on the angst train and ride it all the way to Depression Station!

Now, as Vaire so masterfully pointed out in CoCO (Coco! Sorry; it's too late to be doing these author notes), my humorous fic was a little over the top. No duh, Vaire, it had a marching band in it; of course it was over the top. The real point though was that Harry would really never come out so blatantly right after Voldemort had been resurrected, because it would put Marcus in danger. This led to a manipulative Dumbledore practically forcing Marcus into the position of a spy for the Light, which would undoubtedly cast a lot of stress and pain on Marcus.

So why would Harry do such a thing when he knew it would only end up getting his lover hurt?

Here is the answer to that question; a (hopefully) deep look into a screwed up, frightened Harry who grew up too soon and is about to find his favorite toy perilously close to being destroyed.

Enjoy~

Losing at Chess

Chapter 1: Check

The mistakes are all there waiting to be made.

- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitcyh Tartakower

Why the fuck had he thought this was a good idea?

Harry was pacing in his room in Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, anxious for his lover to return. Marcus had been out for most of the night, not an uncommon occurrence considering that they weren't living together yet, but Harry was more concerned with where Marcus was than anything else.

Marcus, maybe at this very second, was being initiated into Voldemort's forces.

Harry shuddered disgustedly at the thought. He didn't even want to think of what Marcus must be going through, though the insane amusement that was coming through his link with Voldemort was not boding well, but he knew that it was his duty to reap what he had sown.

It was entirely his fault after all that Marcus was in the process of becoming a Death Eater.

His plan had started at their coming out event; Harry had gone all out, forcing Marcus to basically humiliate himself for what seemed like his own entertainment. That was not the only reason he had wanted them to come out so fabulously though; by being so obvious about their relationship, he had landed them right on both Dumbledore and Voldemort's radars.

As he had predicted, Dumbledore had jumped at the chance to have a second spy within Voldemort's forces and had practically forced Marcus into that position. Voldemort had then taken his bait as well, and Marcus had almost instantly been given a high position in the Death Eater rankings due to his blood and his relationship with the Boy-Who-Lived (which Marcus had been told to exploit and lie about in order to get as powerful as position as possible), making him privy to secrets that Snape just couldn't be due to being a half-blood.

His plan had gone off without a hitch; Marcus was now a high ranking Death Eater, they had two spies in Voldemort's forces, no one would be able to try and separate him and Marcus now lest they send one or both of them off to the Dark because of their actions, and the war that was just beginning to heat up would end all the sooner because of Marcus' contributions.

Cold, concise, logical.

Harry had never been more sickened with himself.

No matter how hard he tried or what he did, he was not cut out to be a manipulator; he could not contend with the likes of Dumbledore or Voldemort there. His first dabble in that, while successful, had reduced him to worrying himself out of his mind because of his absent lover.

God, Marcus didn't even know what he had done! Harry had worked to keep their relationship safe and to assure them a safer future, and Marcus didn't even know. How had he felt when Harry had raised not a single objection to Dumbledore's plan that had so neatly fit his own? Had he felt betrayed, angry, upset, hurt?

Harry shivered, sinking to his - their bed. What if Marcus never came back? Even though Marcus was a skilled occlumens, who is to say that Voldemort wasn't a more powerful legilimens and would find out about Marcus being a double agent? And what if he did come back and he was forever scarred by what he saw - what he had done? Would he ever forgive him if he was told what his lover, the person he trusted above all else, had done to him?

Harry clutched his chest; it felt like his heart was being stabbed by an icy dagger, but he knew he wasn't good enough for such a mercy.

It didn't even matter if they lost an advantage in the war, if they lost their second spy. It didn't matter that Marcus would have gone if Harry had asked him to, willingly and without hesitation. It didn't matter if Marcus never forgave him for what he had done.

He just wanted Marcus to come home, safe and sound.

He cried bitterly. He had gotten all he had wanted, all his plans had come to fruition, and only now had he begun to regret? He was so selfish if that was the case.

Harry stood up from their bed shakily, stumbling to the bedroom door. He had to tell someone, tell anyone that he needed Marcus, that Marcus was too important to ruin by being a Death Eater.

It was useless though; who would support him? Half of his friends hated him because of their relationship or thought him cursed, and the other half was too far away to be of any assistance. What, was he supposed to send an owl to Viktor or Fleur, begging for their assistance?

He would, in a heartbeat, if it meant that Marcus would be safe.

Harry leaned against the door tiredly, jiggling the doorknob. Locked. Even now people knew he would regret his actions, would go after his lover and try to keep him safe from harm.

Harry laughed brokenly, sinking to his knees in front of the door. Was he supposed to wait here, twiddling his thumbs until Marcus came home, blood and beaten and scarred for life?

Another broken chuckle. How many people had felt just this way when he had risked his life to stop Voldemort?

A mirror across the room mocked him; not with words for Harry had silenced it long ago for commenting on his tears making his face look runny, but with the person sitting within it. The teary man looked back at him, looking so god forsakenly forlorn and upset that Harry leapt to his feet, shattering it with a burst of anger-filled magic.

He had no right to be upset; not when he had gotten everything he had wanted.

"Marcus, Marcus, Marcus," The name fell off his lips like a litany, like a prayer, as Harry sank back to the ground, burying his face in his hands.

Please come home.

I need you.

I love you.

…Please don't leave me.

Poor Harry...are we supposed to feel sorry for him or not? He tried his hand at manipulation, but it proved to be too much for him. He's too kind, too empathetic, he loves Marcus too much, and yet he now has to deal with the results of his imperfectly perfect manipulations.

Tell me; what do you think of this recent revelation? Was it shocking? Did you wonder what was going on after Harry forced Marcus to fabulously come out with him? Or do you just want me to update something else instead of indulging in this mindless angst-fest?

Review and tell me!

...God, it has been awhile since I so blatantly begged for reviews like that. I have to contemplate this regression as I type up Marcus' fucked up thoughts as he takes part in his first Death Eater mission.

Oh! Was that the sound of all your interests being perked by the new idea?

Ariaeris~