Title: Headache
Summary: It is known far and wide that Hitsugaya-taichou gets immense headaches every single day. And it doesn't seem like they will stop in the future. So what else is there for him to do than searching all of Soul Society for a cure? Though that might just make it worse…
First Bleach fic. )
--------
The short captain was seated behind his crowded desk, busy scrutinizing an innocent piece of paper so intensely that it could burst into flames at any moment.
To the captain/vice-captain of the 10th Division:
Requesting approval to repair the second storage building of the 10th Division.
Damage: One wall collapsed, large hole in another wall, slightly damaged roof,
Cause: Vice-captain Kusajishi Yachiru of the 11th Division claimed to have seen a giant cookie in the storage building and had her squad retrieve it,, resulting in damage to the building.
Note: Paint it pink and fill it with lots and lots of candy!
Hitsugaya kneeded the bridged of his nose while recalling that rather noisy incident.
"Ah, looks like you're out of tea taichou! Let me get some." The rambunctious woman grabbed the three-fourths-filled teapot and headed towards the door of the office before stopping at her boss's grumpy tone."No, Matsumoto, I'm not thirsty. Stay here and help me finish the paperwork."
"Then how about—"
BOOM!
CRACK!
Whee!
BANG!
The two looked out the window after hearing the noise coming from outside the office, but couldn't see anything because of a dust cloud. They exchanged a glance before heading outside.
All the shinigami were staring at the facility a couple of buildings down the path. "Come on, Matsumoto." The young captain hurried to the source of the trouble, with his subordinate trailing behind. They stopped after seeing the area.
"Ah…"
The storage building was a mess. Rubble littered the floor and found a home on the clothes of 11th Division members. A pair of legs and an arm was sticking out of the leftovers of a wall. Several shinigami were sprawled on the ground. Ikkaku stood in the midst of it all, looking rather pleased with himself. Yumichika looked slightly disgruntled, preening tiny bits of stone from his hair. Yachiru was sitting on the roof, dangling her legs in a cheerful manner.
"Whee, it's Shiro-chan!"
Hitsugaya could feel a vein pulsing on his forehead.
The prodigy broke out of his reverie only to face the miniscule pile of finished paperwork and the deluge of incompletes. He diligently started on the next bit of work before getting distracted by a grunt from his couch.
Couch?
After shifting some unfinished piles of paperwork over, the figure of the vice-captain appeared. She rolled over, making her breasts slide dangerously out of her uniform. Hitsugaya stiffened. He got up and walked over to the couch, determined to have his lazy vice-captain get some work done.
"Oi, wake up." The captain shook Matsumoto's shoulder, earning a slap to his face from a flailing arm.
"Nnn…more sake please…" came a mumble from the vice-captain's mouth.
The white-head scowled and whispered into her ear. "All the sake has been replaced with tea."
"NOOOOOOOO!!!" Matsumoto reflexively punched her fist into the air, socking her captain in the chin. A flurry of curses followed out the young captain's mouth, effectively waking Rangiku up from her sake-less nightmare. "Ah, taichou!" She paused. "Why are you holding your chin?"
Breathe, just breathe. You are a captain, you are in control. Breathe.
"You—I—Paperwork!"
The vice-captain chuckled and saluted teasingly. "Yes, sir!"
Breathe.
Matsumoto got up, stretched, and adjusted her uniform to keep her assets from flowing over. "Now then…" She stopped when a Hell Butterfly fluttered into the office.
"A package for Matsumoto-fukutaichou." A hole appeared in the black insect, where a box fell out and onto the busty woman's palm. "460 yen shipping fee, please."
She stuffed some coins into the butterfly, which flew back out the window. "Geez, rates increase everyday…" Matsumoto turned her attention back to the package, quickly opened it, and threw out the cushioning brown paper, leaving it to float down and litter the floor. "Yes, it's finally here!" She squealed in delight and twirled around, box in hand.
The captain rubbed his forehead. The feeling of Yachiru-tantrums, Hinamori-breakdowns, Mayuri-experimentations, 11th Division-craziness, and Matsumoto-idiosyncrasies were welling up in his brain, pounding his cranium repeatedly. The squeals were not helping. "Matsumoto…PLEASE be quiet."
"Ooh, the big, bad, ice demon said please!" She laughed. "Sorry taichou, it's just that this finally came in!" She shoved the box under her boss's nose. In it (the box, not the nose) was a pile of human items. Namely, female human items: makeup, nail polish, shampoo, soap, and so on. "The Shinigami Women Association doesn't have such a large selection and Rukia-chan was happy to help me!"
The genius deftly swiped the box away from him. "Well now that you've seen it, you can get back to work now."
Matsumoto studied her captain's annoyed face for a moment. "You know, I have some—"
"Pa. Per. Work."
The vice-captain pouted, but that pissed-look her captain had going made her oblige. "Haiii," she replied with a grin. She made space on Hitsugaya's desk to place her box of goodies but also shifted the piles of paperwork, so they ended up toppling off the desk.
Even better, the paper fell onto the duo, effectively swamping them and covering the floor.
"MAmmfSUmmffOTO!!!"
It would be a great time for the captain to not be so short.
--------
Hitsugaya was sipping his tea, looking calm. Looking calm. He was really massacring his brain, mentally whacking his head with his zanpakuto. When the two finally finished cleaning up the office, the tensai found that even he couldn't concentrate on paperwork with the migraine festering his head. So here he was, sipping tea on the roof, though the hot beverage couldn't subdue his headache.
Sighing, he headed back into his office, all of the paperwork's shadows looming over him. Hitsugaya didn't understand why there were so many things in Soul Society that would shove sticks into his cranium. He didn't even understand why there were so many things about a certain vice-captain that would shove sticks into his cranium.
If only there was a way to get rid all of those ache-inducing things, or at least something to get rid of his headache!
Get rid of his headache!
Get rid of his headache.
Get rid of his headache…
Oh.
Hmm.
That would work.
The captain quickly exited the building and flash-stepped towards his destination.
--------
"Taichoooou," Matsumoto called out, bouncing into the office. She looked around the room, where the only white thing she could find was paper. "Hmm, then he probably won't mind me taking a little break…" The strawberry-blonde quickly left, leaving a flurry of unfinished work behind her.
--------
Captain Hitsugaya Toshiro of the 10th Division stood outside 4th Division building with a determined glint in his eye. It was the moment of truth.
He strode forward, his haori billowing in the sudden breeze, and tripped on a misplaced banana peel to meet the ground face-to-face.
A vein pulsed ominously on the captain's forehead.
He got up and, with as much dignity as he could muster, strode forward. It was the second moment of truth.
"Oh, Shiro-chan!" shouted Ukitake, waving to the shorter white-head.
Hitsugaya flinched, not only because of that blasted nickname, but also because all of his dramatic moments of truth were being interrupted. Nevertheless, he had enough respect for the sickly captain to turn around and return the greeting. "Ukitake-taichou." He nodded, wondering what the normally bed-ridden captain was doing. After all, he had to walk all the way from the 13th Division to the 4th Division. "Why are you here?"
"Well I thought that having the 4th Division coming to my room for each checkup was troublesome for them, so I decided to go to them for a change. Besides, a little fresh air after a couple hundred years doesn't hurt," he answered cheerfully.
He glows a lot for a sick person, Hitsugaya thought.
"So how about you?"
"Migraine." The tensai rubbed his temples.
Ukitake looked thoughtful. "You know, you look like Kurosaki-kun with your eye-brows knitted like that."
Hitsugaya bristled momentarily before gaining control of himself. "Is…that…so…"
"Oh, by the way, I think I have something that might help with your headache!"
Hitsugaya perked up.
The captain of the 13th Division began to rummage throught his kimono, dropping some dried fruit, cakes, and candy in the process. "Here it is! Toffee!" He held out his hand, which held creamy-brown toffees, enclosed in clear wrappers with smiley faces on them.
Hitsugaya stared.
And stared.
And the (creepy) smiley faces stared right back.
Quick, excuse, excuse…"Sorry, I get cavities easily." He mentally slapped himself. Cavities? He wasn't even sure if Seireitei had dentists.
"That's fine, I get a lot of cavities too. My last trip to the dentist wasn't very pleasant, though I got some sugar-free gum." Ukitake laughed before putting all his snacks back into his kimono. Somewhere. "Sorry I couldn't help."
"Doesn't matter. Unohana-taichou probably has something." The two walked into the building, to be greeted by the medical captain's serene smile.
"Ukitake-taichou, you can wait in the back room." She gestured towards a door behind her, which he promptly walked through. "And Hitsugaya-taichou, what can I do for you?"
"I was wondering if you had any headache medicine," Hitsugaya-taichou answered, barely containing his anticipation. He leaned forward a bit to hear the words he waited so long for.
"I'm sorry, I don't have any more."
Wait, that wasn't right. Unohana-taichou was supposed to say, "Of course, and you can have the entire stock too!"
"Ah." The temperature in the whole building dropped quite a bit, with thunder roaring in the ice captain's head.
"I gave the last of the medicine to Kuchiki-taichou. You should ask him if he has anymore, but—"
The storm instantly disappeared from his brain, leaving a snowy landscape. "Thank you for your help," he replied, before the woman could finish her sentence. He quickly flash-stepped out and headed to the 6th Division.
--------
"Sorry for the wait," Unohana told Ukitake as she entered the room.
"That's perfectly alright," replied the ailing captain with a wave of his hand. A couple of wrapped toffees fell out of his sleeves and land with a plop on the floor.
"Ukitake-taichou," inquired Unohana, who held up one of the sweets with her back to the man, "are these candy?" Her dangerously kind tone made the room temperature drop. Again.
"Yes, well you see, I know I'm not suppose to eat a lot of sugary things, but you know—"
"No excuses, Ukitake-taichou." She slowly turned her head around 180 degrees with a mad glint in her eye.
"Wait, no—!!!"
Somewhere else in Soul Society, Shunsui shivered.
--------
Luckily for Hitsugaya, he found Byakuya before reaching the 6th Division. He was taking a walk after finishing his paperwork. The shorter captain (you all know who that is) approached his target with high hopes. "Kuchiki-taichou, Unohana-taichou informed me that she gave you all of the headache medicine. If it's possible, may I have some?"
The emotionless shinigami glanced down at Hitsugaya. Deeming him worthy to receive an answer, he pulled out (of somewhere) a small, bunny-shaped pill and handed it to the tensai. "Here."
Hitsugaya stared skeptically at the pink pill, but this was Kuchiki-taichou standing next to him. He mentally shook his head of doubt before accepting it graciously. "Thank you, Kuchiki-taichou." Was this pill the secret to the stone-faced captain's famous stoicism?
The black-haired man was about to say something else, but a sudden yell made both heads turn. A shinigami was thrown at the wall beside the two, and Byakuya gracefully dodged the airborne man, without batting an eyelash, by taking one step forward. Unluckily (or luckily), the projectile rammed into the wall instead of the captain, leaving a large hole and dust in his wake.
"Byakushiiii!" came a cry from where the shinigami was thrown. A mop of pink hair launched herself at Byakuya, arms outstretched. Byakuya deftly plucked a chocolate chip cookie out of his sleeve and stuffed it into the mouth of the incoming vice-captain, who then dropped to the ground, sucking on the treat. "Mmff!"
"Yes, thirty-two feet, new record!" Ikkaku came into view, his zanpakuto held like a baseball bat. He turned to Yachiru. "Oi, shortie, you see that?"
"Madarame…" Hitsugaya said dangerously.
The bald shinigami turned his head. "Yo, Hitsugaya!"
"Hitsugaya-taichou," the tensai corrected, vein popping on his forehead.
The comment brushed past Ikkaku's head. He grabbed the injured shinigami on the ground and followed Yachiru, who was bouncing away, happily chewing on the cookie.
Hitsugaya resisted the urge to slap his forehead. It was surprising how the 11th Division hadn't managed to destroy all the buildings in Soul Society. He took another look at the pill before popping it into his mouth.
"Ah…" Byakuya made a motion to stop the other captain when he noticed the movement, but Hitsugaya already swallowed the medicine.
"Yes, Kuchiki-taichou?"
"That medicine is not for someone of your body size."
A pause. "I see." Another pause. "Are there any consequences then?"
"Yay, Shiro-chan has hair like me now!" came a squeal from Yachiru, who had come back for another sweet. Byakuya tossed her some chocolate confetti.
"AHAHAHAHA!!!" cackled Ikkaku, unable to say anything else. He was bent over, laughing, his finger pointed at Hitsugaya's head.
The captain really did slap his forehead this time.
--------
When Byakuya returned to his office, he brewed some tea and sat down on a cushioned chair. The 11th Division never ceased to make his head pound. He rubbed his temples.
In a small box on his desk was a stash of headache medicine. The pink and yellow was peering out at him through the half-open crack of the container. The captain pushed the lid up fully, revealing a pile of shiny bunny and duck-shaped pills. He took two.
And paused.
And took seven more.
Byakuya downed them all with one gulp of tea.
--------
Hitsugaya was emitting a dark aura as he trudged passed buildings. He failed to remove the pink color in his hair, which would disappear after one very long day. Initially he thought of borrowing Komamura's helmet, but it would have probably given him sore shoulders for years. In the end, he grabbed some dye Unohana (who knows what she does with it) and regained enough dignity to walk through Seireitei.
But that damn headache didn't go away.
He was now taking a (supposedly) leisurely walk on the rooftops to avoid any other shinigami, but lo and behold—
"Ah, Toshiro-kun," Shunsui greeted him lazily, tilting his hat slightly. A breeze made his brown hair ripple amongst flower petals.
"Kyouraku-taichou, Ise-fukutaichou," Hitsugaya replied, nodding to both, respectively. He stared a bit at Nanao, who was a couple of yards away from them, flapping a large paper fan and throwing around flower petals simultaneously.
"Ya-re, ya-re, what's with that face? It doesn't suit a child like yourself."
The captain twitched, his knitted eyebrows not relaxing. "Headache."
"Well, sake makes everything better!" the bearded shinigami proclaimed, whipping a bottle of sake and two cups out of nowhere.
Hitsugaya eyed the bottle with distaste. He had seen Matsumoto drunk enough times to know that sake was a vile drink that would bring down Soul Society. "I don't drink."
Shunsui frowned disappointedly but didn't press the matter any further. In fact, he had another suggestion. "Then make sweet, passionate love and all the bad thoughts will be driven out!"
The younger captain started to blush profusely with a frown. "Kyouraku-taichou!"
"Hmm, Rangiku and Hinamori are good candidates." Noticing Hitsugaya's face reddening, he added, "Don't worry if you don't have much experience. Nanao-chan and I can demonstrate, though I won't let you see any of my Na—"
Whack! Said vice-captain stood behind her captain, holding a rather large dictionary over his head. The murderous glint in her eye was unmistakable."
"Too cruel, Nanao-chan!" sulked Shunsui, rubbing the new bump on his head.
Hitsugaya left the two bickering.
With nothing to get rid of his headache.
Damn.
He sighed and headed back to his quarters. No doubt Matsumoto did nothing to alleviate his desk of the horrendous weight from the paperwork.
--------
Aizen sat high on his throne, overlooking the vast room, his face ever smiling.
Gin was making little animal masks and origami cranes.
Tousen was doing some research.
The arrancar were either at their posts or feeding.
It was quite boring in Hueco Mundo without some paperwork to do.
--------
Hitsugaya opened the door to his office and stepped in, quite frustrated from today's events. He turned his head to see his vice-captain sleeping on the couch. Again.
Keeping the previous incident in mind, the ice captain took a random book and threw it at Matsumoto to wake her up.
She caught it.
And threw it back, which hit the captain in the head.
"Matsumoto!" he shouted.
"Hmm, what's 'at?" she mumbled in response, flopping over the couch and onto the tile with an oomph. Waken up by the fall, she stood straight up, walked over, and hugged Hitsugaya. "Sorry taichou, didn't know it was you. Don't worry, my boobs will make it all better!" She sandwiched her superior's head, who was getting more annoyed and red every second.
Hitsugaya made an incoherent noise and pushed himself away from the vice-captains suffocating hug. "Don't make my headache any worse." He scowled and rubbed his face.
"Headache? Ah, I can help you with that!" Matsumoto turned to the desk and picked up the package from earlier. She rummaged through for a couple of seconds before her face lit up. "Ta-da!"
The captain stared apprehensively at the little bottle she held in his face.
A-S-P-I-R-I-N.
Aspirin.
"Rukia-chan found it at the Kurosaki clinic, and she said it works wonders!"
"Will it turn my hair pink?"
"What was that?"
He shook his head. "Nothing." Hitsugaya grabbed the bottle warily from Matsumoto. He hadn't found anything remotely helpful all day; instead he got a hammer pounded on his several times. Sighing, he popped the cap and shook out one (supposedly) innocent white pill.
"Swallow it with tea." Matsumoto handed her captain a cup of the warm beverage.
It was the moment of truth (again). Hitsugaya swallowed the pill.
He waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And…felt better.
And he felt better.
Hitsugaya Toshiro felt better.
He must have shown his relief on his face, because Matsumoto said, "Told you it'd do the trick! Now as a reward…"
Though the captain felt good, he wouldn't let his vice-captain wheedle out of work. "Not now, Matsumoto. You didn't do anything for the whole day and now you have to make up for it."
The lazy shinigami pouted, but then smiled contently. "Well I'm glad you're feeling better, taichou." A thoughtful pause. "You know, you should have tried it this morning."
"Hn?"
"I was gonna ask you in then if you wanted one, remember? Since you had that pained face on."
The genius deftly swiped the box away from him. "Well now that you've seen it, you can get back to work now."
Matsumoto studied her captain's annoyed face for a moment. "You know, I have some—"
"Pa. Per. Work."
Hitsugaya stiffened in remembrance. "…ah."
--------
I don't really know why I threw in some random Aizen. o.o
Reviews are loved. :)