Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with General Hospital.
A/N: How am I supposed to get my stories finished when I keep having to fix what Guza writes? This is just another scene that should have happened and didn't. I won't even start ranting about Logan. This is sappy as hell. I didn't mean for it to be but it is. I didn't want to start another long story so I kind of rushed the ending. If you feel it's too rushed, I might be willing to rewrite a longer version. Please let me know.
Acceptance
She entered Kelly's and right away Dillon knew something was amiss. Her tentative smile was buried beneath a look of sadness that shone from her eyes. She was frightened and vulnerable. He knew something had shattered her world. He just didn't know what.
He went to her, knowing the only thing to do was let her open up to him. He wouldn't touch her, afraid of the rejection when she pushed his hands away. "Lu?" he whispered. She turned her gaze to his and he saw the fear that haunted her. She didn't reach for him and he didn't know what to do. He wanted to comfort her, to pull her into his arms and never let her go. "Was the hearing really that bad?"
"I don't want to… to talk about it," she stuttered, as her voice trembled.
"Okay. How about coffee?" he suggested, just wanting her to sit down so he could get her to relax. She shook her head nervously.
"My father raped my mother," she suddenly confessed, causing Dillon to spill his mug of coffee.
"What?"
"Didn't you know?" she said, her voice laced with sarcasm. "My father is a rapist."
Dillon was speechless. "When?" was all he could think to say.
"When my mother was with Scotty. He raped her in a disco bar. It puts a new meaning to my father always getting what he wants. That's what Spencer's are, abusive, selfish and determined."
"Your mother chose to forgive him."
"Did she? How do you forgive someone that violates you so brutally?"
"The same way you forgave me for the horrible things I said to you while you were pregnant, or the way I forgave you for lying about Georgie and Diego."
"Dillon this isn't the same..."
"No its not, but sometimes you just choose to forgive someone because you care about them too much to hold it against them."
"How does one care about their rapist?"
"Was he a stranger or did she know him before it happened?"
"She knew him, but it doesn't excuse it."
"I'm not trying to excuse or rationalize it. My point is that maybe your mother felt something for him before it happened and that helped her forgive him. We weren't there and speculating on the situation won't change it. It happened in your parents past, but it wasn't their future. They went on to have a family and thank God they did, because I couldn't live without you."
"You'd survive."
"Yeah but I wouldn't want to. You make my life worth living."
Lulu smiled and for a moment the sadness dissipated. Then she remembered why she was so upset and the nausea consumed her. "I can never look at my father the same way again. I can't… I can't deal with this."
Dillon finally threw caution to the wind and reached for her hand. His fingers rubbed gentle circles on her palm. "You don't have to do anything, but accept it. Nothing you do can change it or make it better. It was a horrible act of violence that your father inflicted upon your mother prior to their life together. She forgave him and they moved on. You have to do the same thing."
"What if she really didn't forgive him? What if he forced her to spend her life with him?"
"What one thing did your mother want when she returned?"
"To marry my father."
"Your mother loved him. You yourself said that you could see it when she was back. It doesn't change anything."
"It changes everything."
"It doesn't have to. You need to decide how you want to deal with this. You can hate your father forever or you can forgive him and spend time with your remaining parent. He loves you and Lucky so much."
"Then why did he tell my grandmother that he never wanted me?"
"I can't answer for the things Luke says or does but I imagine he's afraid of being a parent without your mother. She was always his saving grace and without her he feels like he's failing you."
"Did you know about my parents?" she asked; her voice sounding as that of a wounded child.
"No. I didn't know about your parents."
"I wish I didn't."
"Me too," he said softly. She lifted her gaze to his and then leaned her head on his shoulder. She snuggled against him and he slid his arm around her. "You're going to be okay."
"I'm never falling in love."
"Why?" he prodded.
"Because love leads to disaster."
"It doesn't have to."
"It always does," she concluded.
"Then what do you call us?"
"A disaster. I lied to get you into bed and then aborted your child. That's certainly not happiness."
"Yet we overcame it and are still as close as ever. That is love."
"I don't believe in love."
"Well I do and I'll spend every day for the rest of my life trying to make you believe."
"You'll be wasting your time."
"It's my time to waste."
She grinned and for the first time in a long time the smile reached her eyes. As their eyes met they couldn't stop their mouths from crashing together.
Lulu immediately pulled away and went to run. "I can't do this," she vowed.
Dillon grabbed her wrist gently. He looked her in the eyes and hated the fear and vulnerability he saw. "I'm not your father," he whispered. "I'm not going to hurt you."
"You already did," she cried before pulling away and running out the door.
Dillon took a moment to digest what she'd said. He knew she was right. He had hurt her a lot. It was something he would regret for the rest of his life.
He dropped some money onto the table and ran after her. He found her at the pier. She was standing at the edge staring into the water.
"Don't jump," he said tentatively.
"We can't do this…" she muttered. "I can't be with you. We hurt each other."
"Yes we did hurt one another but it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I feel horrible for everything that happened between us last summer except for one thing; that it happened. It brought me to you. It made me realize my love for you. Things won't always be perfect but all things in life are flawed. If you shut off from the world now, there is so much you will never experience. Yeah you might save your heart a few bitter arguments, but you'll never know what love can do for you. Let me show you what love is? It doesn't always end in disaster."
She turned away from him. "What if… what if my father raping my mother was the cause of her catatonia?"
"Your mother dealt with a lot of trauma in her life. One act of violence didn't cause it. A lifetime of traumatic experience and burdens that were never dealt with did. Your father isn't to blame."
"I don't want to be her."
"You're not her. Falling in love won't put you into a catatonic state. I'm not going to push you. I just don't want you to give up on everything that could make you happy either. If you don't want to be with me then fine but I'm not going to let you give up on love entirely."
"I just need some time."
Dillon nodded with understanding. "You know where to find me if you need to talk."
She gave him a gentle, yet sad, smile. He backed away, gave a wave and then left. She moved to the bench and sat down so she could cry. She felt as though she was being suffocated from the burdening information.
"Aren't you ever happy?" a voice said tersely from a few feet away. She glared at Logan.
"My emotions are none of your concern," she spat.
"What happened this time? Did you get in a spat with one of your loser boyfriends?"
"Are you always so condescending?" she demanded.
"Just making conversation. So what really happened?"
"None of your damn business."
"I'm just being nice," he said as he sat down beside her.
"Nothing about you is nice Logan. You're a jackass. An egotistical loser and any girl would be a fool to be with you."
"I'm growing on you," he teased. She stood up to leave and he grabbed her arm. "You know we'll end up sleeping together sooner or later."
She slapped him and then started to run. She feared Logan, afraid of her mother's fate. Dillon was such a contrast to Logan. He made her feel safe, secure and loved. Logan made her feel afraid, self conscious and alone. She knew what love was. She knew it was the way Dillon's smile made her heart do a flip and the way it felt when his skin made contact with hers. Logan was wrong, she'd never sleep with him. She would only sleep with one man, the one that she loved and that was Dillon Quartermaine.
As she opened the door to Kelly's, she smiled when he stood to greet her. She crossed the room in quick strides before kissing him eagerly. "Okay you win, show me what love is Quartermaine."
"Only if we take it slow Spencer."
She smiled and leaned her body into his. "I'm not my mother," she avowed.
"No you're you and I love everything about you."
"I love you too."