I decided it was time for a fanfic that is deliciously self-indulgent for me, and my friend just so happens to agree. This is sure to be chalk full of sarcasm, second-hand embarrassment, and hilariously awkward situations.
XxXxXx Fangirl x Hunters xXxXxX
"What the fuck. What the actual fuck."
The words from the young woman's mouth just about summed up the entire situation.
"How does this even happen?" asks the second. She had long, long shiny straight light-brown hair that went down to her hips, with two small braids running through it and a large cream bow at the back of her head where the braid finished, and had blue eyes, and freckles. She was fairly tall, and wore a cute light blue sweater with a pale cream kitten on it and a flowy pink skirt hemmed with icy blue lace underneath, as well as a pair of tights with pale pink cat silhouettes and a pair of tan leather boots that went to her knees. As jewelry, there was a pink glass heart dangling from a thin silver chain, a matching pair of earrings, and a silver purity ring on her wedding finger.
"Gee, I don't know Meray, let me whip out my crystal ball real fast and ask the great-fucking-beyond." This one was taller, with a fluffy mess of green hair with blue and purple streaks that went to her shoulders in waves topped off with a dark gray beanie, brown eyes surrounded by thick black winged eyeliner behind a cute pair of periwinkle purple frames. She wore a black off the shoulder crop top with a big white skull on the front, baggy high-waisted pale-wash jeans riddled with large and small holes through which you could see bright purple tight, tucked into tall black leather boots. Her neck was adorned with a thick black choker and a dark purple glass heart necklace and matching earrings, with a silver flower ring with a small amethyst gem on her own wedding finger.
"It was a rhetorical question, no need to get testy, Witch Bitch."
"Whatever, furball."
"Skeleton fucker."
With that, the two friends lapse into silence, still in shock as to what had happened. One minute, the two girls are dicking around in Riley's room, re-watching Hunter x Hunter while getting ready to go see a movie and get snacks. The next, they're in front of the Hunters Association Headquarters.
Which wasn't supposed to actually exist.
Sighing, Riley rubs her cheeks and groans. "This isn't how I pictured our last sleepover before you went off to college going."
"At least its an adventure?" Meray says, trying to stay upbeat, though still horribly confused.
"You can say that again." She turns away from the shiny white building and tugs on a lock of her hair, wiggling her fingers to get rid of the strands that came out. "Why don't we-"
"Riley- Riley, there's something on your back-"Meray interrupts, horror and laughter in equal measures creeping into her voice.
"Huh? What's one my back?" the green-haired girls turns and twists, trying to see what was there.
"There's a shitty mascot on your back-"
"What the fuck does that even mean- JESUS CHRIST-"Riley yelps.
Crawling up the girls back was a spider, but not just any spider; it was dark gray and had four glistening, bright pink eyes, but more importantly, it was as big as a motherfucker. Its abdomen was as big (if not bigger) as two balled fists, had eight long and hairy legs, and thick mandibles the size of hawk talons.
"Get it off, get it off, oh sweet fuck, get it off of me-"
Meray is absolutely no help, giggling, obviously seeing something her friend didn't.
"I swear to god, babe, if you don't- oh my shit why is it cuddling me-" At this point, Riley was hyperventilating and close to tears as the beast huddled under her hair and rubbed up against her neck, clicking its mandibles.
"I- I think it likes you!~" the brunette is now full-on laughing, holding her gut while her friend is terrorized.
"Why are you laughing you bitch?!"
Her friend can't answer as her joyful hysterics reach a new peak.
The terror crawled down to Riley's chest and settled there, reaching its forelegs toward her face.
"O-okay… Good spider… d-do-don't eat my face… Wait…"
Taking a closer look at the huge arachnid, and its pink eyes and fluffy body, the girl's mind quickly made several connections.
"Krollo?!"
The tarantula made a slight hissing noise, and booped his owners' nose with a foot. Though still scared and confused, Riley managed to crack a smile.
"How the fuck did this even happen? Weren't you just a plushie I bought?"
"Gee, Riley, why don't you grab your crystal ball and-"
"It was a rhetorical question, you furry fuck."
"How did he even get here, anyways? Like, I understand your bag," Meray gestures to the homemade patchwork bag that hung from Riley's shoulder," You were holding that, but you weren't holding him, were you?"
"Ehehehe, well… I wanted to take him to the movies too, so I put him in the bag…"
"Riley, I swear to fucking god-"
"Leave me and my overly-empathetic nature alone." With that, she plucks Krollo off her chest and sets him on her head, where he sort of blended in with her hat. The spider seems content and snuggles down against it, clicking his mandibles happily. "Besides, I now have a totally bad-ass pet and you don't, so suck it."
"Well, what are we supposed to do now?" Meray asks, but not rhetorically this time. She knows Riley is full of violent, half-joking solutions to just about everything.
"Mug people until we have enough money to rent an apartment."
"Sounds good to me, do you know anything about mugging?"
"Uh… you gotta punch 'em. Punch 'em real good."
With that, the mismatched duo went out to start an adventure that they, in absolutely no way, thought would ever actually happen.
I mean, what is this, a fanfiction?
XxXxXxXxX
"Crap!"
It's been three days, and Riley and Meray weren't having the best of luck mugging people, so they tried pick-pocketing instead.
"Get back here, you little bitch!"
It worked out about as well as can be expected.
"I am in no way little!" Riley protests as she whips around a corner, jumping up onto a rusty fire escape landing to hide from the pissed off man. She quietly scooches back as far as she can and waits. Her ears detect him thundering past, and then counts to fifty. Hopping back down to the pavement, Riley weaves herself through the crowds of an outdoor market, sometimes taking some food to join all of the wallets in her bag as she made her way back to the meeting point.
However, something shiny catches her eye.
At a beauty vendor, there was a lovely bottle of perfume that smelled like a heavenly garden, and oh was she a slut for scents. The glass bottle was encrusted with jewels, but not in a gaudy way, and they caught the light beautifully upon the delicate curves. Riley couldn't tell if the bottles' shape was supposed to represent something like a person, but it didn't matter.
She wanted it, and wanted it badly.
Looking at the price, she isn't surprised that it was expensive. The sign boasted that it was the only of its kind, crafted by this or that artisan, but Riley didn't care if it was unique. All the teenager saw was an opportunity to get money for a house. If she could pry the gems from the bottle and sell them, there was no doubt she could make a small fortune, and she could probably even sell the bottle after the perfume was gone! The owner of the booth was busy with another customer, so she took the bottle as well and slide it underneath a loaf of bread. Krollo clicked at her from atop the mound of stolen goods as she made a swift escape, and agreed. She has taken enough today.
Riley sits crisscross on the lip of the fountain, idly doodling in her sketchbook while waiting for Meray to arrive. So concentrated is she in her doodling, she manages to ignore when a tall muscular man sits next to her. For about three minutes until her arm bumps his.
"Oh, sorry about that!" Riley sends an apologetic smile his way, and in response he grunts. "So, are you just passing through, or are you a local?"
"Just passing through."
"Huh," she lets out a huff of air before closing her sketchbook and turning to face him, 'Holy mother of… its Phinks. I… what… this sure is one hell of a coincidence.'
"So… what's up?"
"What?"
"I mean… why'd you sit next to me," the teenager gestures to the surprisingly empty courtyard. "There's plenty of other spots, since there's no one else actually here."
With that, Phinks' face lit up in a blush. "Well-"
"Actually, it's the shade, isn't it?" the girl answers her own question. "This is the shadiest spot around, so I'm sorry about the whole questioning you thing." Riley turns back around, but feels how awkward and oppressing the air is. She opens her mouth to say something, anything-
"Are you waiting for someone?" he asks, suddenly.
Blinking with a nod is her answer. "Yeah, actually; I'm waiting for my friend. What about you?"
Phinks nods, and the awkward, oppressing atmosphere returns.
"Riley." She introduces.
"Phinks."
'Ugh… this is terrible. I hate this. I'm not a people person. What am I even supposed to say? 'Hey, I'm a big fan and I've admired you for years.' Yeah, that'd get me killed.' She moans to herself, wishing for anything to get her out of this situation.
"Hey!"
It's Meray, thank the gods.
Riley offers a quick 'see you later' even though she really, really wishes to not actually see him later.
"So, was that-?" Meray begins, whispering.
"No, no, not now, shut up." Riley breathes harshly, walking as fast as she can to get away. "I just want to forget this ever happened."
Phinks watches the two girls walk away, frowning. Did that girl, Riley, recognize him or something? He saw her stealing earlier, saw the raptured look on her face at the sight of tat perfume bottle and the ease she had picking pockets, almost as though she'd been stealing for years. The blondes eyes idly traveled down from her technicolor hair to her back to her behind.
"Did you get her number?" asks Feitan as he plops down beside his fellow Troupe member.
Phinks responds with a shove that send the cackling man to the ground.
XxXxXxXxX
"So I found an apartment that's fairly cheap." Meray says over lunch, taking a large bite of her Panini.
"Really? Radical. How much is the rent?" Riley replies after sipping at her iced peach tea.
"Like, sixty five-thousand Jenny, which is about six hundred and fifty dollars."
"Holy crap, that's a whole lot cheaper than living in America."
"I know, right? Come on."
The two friends finish eating and pay the bill, leaving the cute café they'd frequented over the past few days. Taking the others hand, Meray leads the way to the apartment complex that was fairly close to the edge of town.
The building itself wasn't in the best repair, but it didn't look terrible- in fact, it actually looked rather charming. It was five or six stories tall and the length of the entire street, with white painted walls chipped to show red bricks underneath, with all sorts of plant life growing up the sides.
"Well, don't you two look a fright," an older woman sitting behind the front desk remarks, not unkindly. "Oh, are you two here for that two-bedroom apartment? I recognize the long haired one."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Well, why don't you two go ahead and sit in the office through that doorway, and I'll go get the paperwork."
"Wait, how much money do we have?" Riley whispers to Meray.
"Fuck."
Sitting down, they quickly go through all the wallets they'd accumulated and counted only the bills, not bothering with any of the coins.
"Okay, I have… just over ninety-thousand, what about you?" Meray mutters, hands full of the bills.
"Uh, hold up just a sec… almost one hundred-thousand."
"Ok, so one hundred eighty thousand-"
"Wait, why eighty?"
"So we don't go over budget, not shut up so I can figure it out…. It's one hundred thirty thousand to pay for two months, so we'll have fifty thousand leftover for groceries and stuff."
Before they could talk any more, the woman shuffles on in with a few manila folders and sits on the other side of the desk. Perching a pair of spectacles on her nose, she introduces herself. "My name is Haruhi Shirogane, and I own this apartment complex. Now, may I see some ID's? I'll need it for the records."
"We… we don't have any ID, ma'am." Riley responds bashfully.
"Nothing? No birth certificates or passports?"
"No, ma'am."
When Mrs. Shirogane looked suspicious, Riley called upon her years of theatre training to come up with a believable lie. Hopefully.
"Well, ma'am… When we were children, we were kidnapped and sold on the black market." Her voice trembled as she looked down, balling her hands in her lap. "We were bounced around from person to person… some, some were kind, most… not so much."
Riley forces tears into her eyes when looking up at the proprietor. "We were ripped away from our families so young, we don't even know our last names! All I can remember is the scent of my mothers perfume… rose…"
When Meray catches on, she joins in on the lie. "Only a few months ago we were able to escape. We stole some money from him and…we've been on the run ever since."
"Please, miss, we have nothing! We've never even had a home, and we just want to make a fresh start!" Riley collapses into tears, hands covering her face as she trembles.
"Have a home, jobs, friends… why not start here?" Meray wraps an arm around her friend and looks pleading at the woman. "Please. We have enough money to pay for two months, please let us stay here."
Fortunately for the girls, Mrs. Shirogane had a soft heart. "Of course you can stay here. And if this makes you feel better, no men are allowed on the premises- I know women can be just as cruel as men, but I thought the information might help. Why don't I show you to the apartment and you can rest for a few hours and shower and get settled, and we can figure out the paperwork tonight?"
Since Riley was still sniffling, Meray takes over. "Really? Thank you, thank you so much Mrs. Shirogane!"
"It's no trouble, girls. Utilities are included in the price, so you have a washer and dryer in case you want to wash your clothes." The woman smiles gently.
"Yes ma'am, thank you!"
After being shown the apartment, the girls thank her one more time and enter their new home. Riley breathes in heavily through her nose and wipes her eyes one more time before giving a smile to her best friend. "Now, that wasn't too hard, was it?"
"Yeah, that was a really good story that you came up with, and on the spot too!"
"Thank you, thank you," Riley takes an over-dramatic bow.
They then explore the apartment; it wasn't too small. The two bedrooms were already furnished with beds and bedside tables, and weren't very big, but they had a connecting bathroom and small walk-in closets. The living room and kitchen were one room, and already a TV was placed on a squat cabinet. Riley and Meray high-five and give each other big hugs.
"We did it!"
XxXxXxXxXxX
I love this, I love writing self-inserts, it adds years to my life and clears my pores. I hope y'all enjoyed too! Please consider supporting me on , every small bit means so much to me! : DeathGlobalZone
Chapter Word Count: 2, 615
Story Word Count: 2,615