Just a little one shot about Heart. So many Samcedes feelings last night.
The worst day since yesterday
Sam wanted so badly to understand what was going on. He wanted to accept what Mercedes had said and be a good person. If she needed him to let her go then he had to try right?
But all of that reasoning couldn't change the fact that he was in love with her and when she was singing to him it made the pain even more severe then it already was. She was telling him goodbye, but he didn't want to her those words from Mercedes lips. He wanted to hear that there was still a chance, even the smallest chance that they could be together again.
He could see the tears forming in her eyes as she sang. Sam couldn't help but enjoy her voice, she was singing it with so much emotion and passion, and it really was beautiful to hear her sing again. He didn't try and stop himself from imaging that they were alone and she was singing just to him. Even so each word seemed like a struggle for her to release, as if she didn't really want to sing this to him. As though Mercedes wasn't ready to say goodbye to him and all that she wanted to do was tell him all those things he needed to hear so badly.
Sam knew that if he hadn't kissed her, this would never have happened. Things would be different. Maybe she would have broken up with Shane differently without as much guilt and she would have realised that she loved Sam that she had never stopped loving him and they would be together now on Valentine's Day. It was supposed to be a day of love, not pain.
How could he look at her now without remembering every second they had ever spent together? How could he forget those things that had been said and done last summer? All he wanted was for to want him back.
He felt a single trickle down his own cheek, he hadn't realised that he was crying. Sadness swelled in his heart as she sang the last note. He couldn't do this. He couldn't hear her goodbye anymore. He got up and walked straight out of the door battling the urge to turn round and look at her one more time.
Of course he knew that Mercedes felt guilty about what had happened, he did too, he never set out to hurt anyone. But he knew - he could feel it in his heart that they would never cheat on each other. He trusted Mercedes with his heart, with his life. He believed in her and he knew they both had the strength to make their relationship work this time.
Sam felt miserable for the rest of the day; he was not looking forward to Sugar's party at Breadstix. He was going to have to stand there and sing a love song with Mercedes and pretend that he didn't love her anymore. Pretend that every second they were together he didn't have to fight the temptation to kiss her, to hold her hand, to stare at her. How could he do that? How could he pretend to be happy for everyone else, when he was broken inside?
As the song started Sam was thankful he wasn't standing next to her, he didn't think that he could stop himself if he was close to her right now. He had never felt so out of control before; he didn't know what he would do, what he was capable in that moment. All he wanted to do was prove that he loved her, prove that she was the only person he could ever be with.
As they moved around the party singing to Brittany and Santana, Sam felt his heart beat quicken as they made their way back onto the stage. He was now within kissing distance of the woman he loved and couldn't do anything. Still he couldn't stop his eyes from being pulled in her direction as he looked to his left hand side. He thought that maybe she'd been looking at him too, but she looked away quickly.
That's when Sam realised. It wasn't over. Just because she had said goodbye didn't mean that he had to let go. He had to keep on fighting because he realised that if even the smallest part of Mercedes still loved him that their love was a love worth fighting for.