A/N: I own neither Glee nor its characters
Father and daughter walked slowly through Central Park. The summer afternoon crowd was large, but not so much that the two couldn't walk side-by side and hold an intimate conversation. She was a five-foot-eight replica of her mother, he thought, the same dark eyes and hair, prominent Semitic nose, wide smile, the penchant for wearing pretty dresses, even her temperament. The only thing she seemed to have inherited from him was his height.
"I had to hang up on her, Dad." Nell Hudson said, "We were just screaming at each other. Probably not the smartest thing to do, I know."
Finn Hudson chuckled. "No, probably not. We're lucky she has a matinee performance right now, or both our voicemail boxes would be full. You know how your mother doesn't let things fester."
"Yeah, I know, and that's one thing I absolutely love about her, ironically. She doesn't play those mind games like some moms do with their kids."
"Are you sure the argument was over your decision on being a dance major?" Finn couldn't quite get his mind around why Rachel would be objecting to it.
"What else could it be, Dad? I was telling her that Martha Graham had taught at Bennington, and she just lost it."
Finn shook his head. It was clear now.
"Nell, you know why Mom got upset. And it has nothing to do with your major."
Nell gave him a sheepish grin. "Yeah, I know. But you and I have talked about how good a fit Bennington is for me, better than NYADA or Tisch! Their whole educational philosophy matches my interests—and their Field Work Term program is amazing—I could actually get to perform in Italy! " She sighed. "Mom just wants to be controlling."
"No, Nell, Mom will just miss you if you're in Vermont. She sees little enough of you as it is."
"And whose fault is that, Dad? I'm not the one travelling with those damned shows where she's out of town three months out of the year, and working nights for the rest!"
He sighed, knowing that was a sore point with her. But he had to know something first.
"Would you be as upset if it were me the one absent so much, traveling and working nights?"
Her response was instantaneous, and telling:
"Of course not, Dad—"And then she stopped, realizing what he had just done.
He sat down on a park bench. Nell sat next to him, smoothing her yellow sundress.
"Why not?"
His daughter had no quick answer. She sat, hands in her lap, head down for a few moments. A beautiful golden retriever came up and licked her hand before being pulled away by her owner.
"Because I know you," she finally said, looking him in the eyes. He knew what she truly wanted to say, that he had spent the most amount of time with her, but instead she said "I'm not sure I know Mom at all."
"Now you're just being over dramatic. Gee, I wonder where you got that from." Then he waited for the inevitable outraged response.
"I am not being over dramatic!"
Oh this was a good one. Nell was standing up, hands on hips, flashing anger, as her mother had done so many times before. Finn finally collapsed, laughing. She couldn't resist his good-natured ribbing for long; her face softened and eventually, she sat down again, and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.
"I just wish Mom wasn't so hard to love."
"You two are too much alike to make it easy," he said. "Your mother has very high expectations of you only because she has almost impossibly high expectations for herself. But I saw her face when she saw you for the very first time, and she has never looked at anyone with such love. She is very proud of you, and if it seems like she's trying to hold on to you too closely, it's only because…" Finn drifted off, lost in the memory of the three of them huddled together in the hospital, and Rachel saying she wished the three of them could remain like that, forever. "…it's hard for a parent to admit their child is old enough to be on her own. You get used to being needed." He paused, lost again in another memory.
"Do you remember your first day at pre-school?" he asked her. Nell shook her head.
"You were four. Mom was in Los Angeles, so I got to take you there for your first day. Mom and I had been discussing this for a week before, worried that you'd take the separation badly. So I made sure you wore your favorite dress and shoes, and had your favorite breakfast (blueberry pancakes, even then)." Nell touched his arm.
"You still make the best pancakes."
"On the drive over you didn't say much (a bad sign), other than ask if they could sing songs like you and Mom did when she was home. I think I said they do sing songs in pre-school, but I wasn't sure. Anyway, when we got to the school, we walked down the hall, you holding my hand, very quiet. I remember dreading letting you go, worrying if you'd be able to handle being there without me. After all, we'd heard horror stories from friends about screaming and crying, and all kinds of craziness. But I'll never forget what happened next. We were almost at the room when you stopped and let go of my hand. Clutching your little bag with one hand, you looked up at me, with a huge smile. 'Bye Daddy!' you said. Then you waved and ran, hair flying, the rest of the way to the door, yanked it open, and marched inside like you owned the place. I stood there, dejected for a moment. I mean, you obviously didn't need me. It took everything I had not to go in the room and take you back home. I didn't think I was quite yet ready to let you go. On the other hand, there was this rush of pride. We had raised a beautiful, self-confident little girl who could do anything."
"Do you still think I'm that self-confident girl? Nell asked, "Because I sure don't feel like it sometimes."
Finn had noticed her usual zeal had been giving way to anxiety now and then, especially as she was preparing to head into her senior year. He gave her a hug.
"Of course. Even the strongest people have their moments of doubt. Think about how your mother felt when she went to that NYADA mixer, remember?"
Nell smiled through some tears, and nodded.
"Here's what I suggest we do. You're going to apply, at the very least, to Bennington as your first choice, with Tisch and NYADA as two of your backups. You and I will put together an argument for Bennington for Mom to consider. I'll also point out that Vermont isn't that far away; you'll just have to get used to us driving up to Bennington when Mom's schedule allows. She's going to insist we do that a LOT. You aren't too cool for us to visit, are you?"
"Oh my goodness, no!" Nell flung her arms around her father and hugged him. "And I'd love to have Mom come too; you know that as well, right?"
"Of course. But baby, try and cut her a bit more slack over her career. I know I've been the one present at most of your milestones, but that doesn't mean your mother doesn't love you any less than I do. Her relationship with the stage is…complicated."
Nell nodded, watching the retriever doing meet-and-greets with more people. "I know, Dad. Sometimes, I just like stirring up the drama, so a lot of the yelling is as much my fault as hers." She gave him a mischievous smile at his exasperated look. The image of her wearing that same smile the day he caught her bailing out the bathtub onto the floor suddenly flashed before him. He had wanted to laugh so badly, instead of sternly making her help him clean up the mess, but ended up sitting on the couch with her, reading Frog and Toad Together until Rachel got home. She was Daddy's Little Girl. So sue him.
"One time Mom said something interesting when the two of us were out to dinner. We ended up talking about you. She told me more details about how you gave up everything for her, putting her on that train to New York so she could pursue her dream. Dad, I really think one of the reasons she works so hard is to prove to you she was worth that sacrifice."
Finn nodded. "Yeah, that's part of it, even though I told her she had no obligation to me for it. " He ran his hand through his hair.
"But there is more to it than that. I think she has to sing in order to feel fully alive, fully human. You can see it on her face, and feel it in your heart." Nell nodded in agreement.
"The reason I pulled that stunt with the train was, she was willing to give all of it up for me. She loved me that much. I could never have lived with myself if she had done that. I live every day blessed, knowing that she loves me like she does. And I loved her so much I was willing to give her up."
He placed his hands on Nell's shoulders. "But listen to me. You are the incarnation of our combined love for each other. So, if your mother was willing to give it all up for just me, imagine what she would be willing to do for you. Nell, your mother loves you fiercely. Never forget that. The time she has with you may be limited, but she values it more than you'll ever know. That's why the possibility of you going to school in Vermont bothers her. But I can guarantee, once she's shown all of the pros and cons, and how you carefully made this decision, she'll have no problem with it."
He pulled her close to him. "And you know I love you fiercely too, right?"
Nell had never felt more loved and valued than she did at that moment.
"I know, Dad. And I love you both, more than I can ever express."
Finn smiled gently and stood up. "Pizza at Angelo's for dinner?"
Nell grinned. "You bet!"
He'd bring home a small veggie special for the other love of his life to snack on after the show.
XXXXXXX
The Bennington campus was beautiful. It had once been a farm, set upon a hill overlooking the mountains across a picturesque valley. The weather for Student/Parent Orientation day was warm and perfect.
Finn and Rachel first helped Nell move into her dorm, Canfield. It was a white, older, clapboard house holding thirty-five students, sitting on a little street with other similar houses. Behind it lay the grassy expanse of the Commons. They met her roommate Fiona, a slight, rumpled-looking fellow freshman from Washington DC, daughter of a senior White House official. She drove a BMW. Nell was somewhat intimidated, despite being the daughter of a Broadway star and a successful songwriter.
"What if I don't fit in?" Nell worried. "I haven't seen a girl wearing a dress yet!"
Rachel took her hand. "I wouldn't worry about that, Nell. From what I understand, at Bennington, individuality is actually revered and valued. Just be yourself. All I ask is that you wash your hair everyday. I've seen a few kids here that could use some shampoo…"
"Yeah, I noticed that too, Mom," Nell said, shuddering along with her mother. Finn just grinned at the two of them.
After a nice lunch, the students were taken to their program and the parents were ushered into the auditorium. Bennington was a very small school, only 800 students, and Rachael and Finn were impressed at how small the classes were. They laughed to themselves as some parents wanted to know if they would get "report cards" mailed to them, and expressed shock when the Dean of Students reminded them that their children were now considered adults, and they would receive the grades. He didn't assuage the helicopter parents' concerns when he assured them that they would, however, receive notice of academic probation. Apparently, footing the bill for the child's education did afford one some courtesies. One wry father wore a nametag that said "I'm the Money".
Afterwards they met up with Nell again, who still looked anxious, self-consciously smoothing her simple blue dress. "I did meet another girl in a dress," she said, "but I don't think you're famous enough, Mom, to impress her." Rachel laughed.
The three of them explored, Rachel buying Bennington College t-shirts for the three of them in the tiny bookstore, and had a light supper in the Commons building. Eventually, it was time for the parents to leave. Nell followed her parents to their car.
"I don't want you to go," she said, tears flowing, and Rachel had a good cry with her as well.
"It's time, baby, for you to fly," her mother said, and Finn hugged his almost distraught eighteen-year-old, marveling at the girl who had once run off so confidently to pre-school.
"I love you Mom; I love you, Dad" Nell said.
"We love you too, Nell," Rachel and Finn said, and got in the car.
As they drove away, he could see her waving sadly, then suddenly being talked to by a girl in a dress, and beginning an animated conversation, her parents forgotten, in the face of this Great Adventure. It was then that he knew he and Rachel had done good. She squeezed his hand as they went down the hill into town, smiling. She was thinking exactly the same thing. He watched her pull up the calendar on her phone.
Time to plan the next visit.