This first one shot is dedicated to: SharkiesGirl
Gabriela Lupin never met her father. She buried the man with her mother, two days after giving birth to her second child, Remus. She found her mother dead on the floor, lying next to an old man that she thought looked familiar. Both of their grey hair was blowing in the gentle air drifting in from outside the small white house she had been told about as a child. When she found her mother and father, they were both holding hands. Her father had a letter in his pocket that she recognised as her mother's handwriting. She buried it with them.
To my dearest Remus,
I know you probably weren't expecting to hear from me, but I have to tell you something.
What is love, exactly? Is it a state of mind where the object of your affection sends your heart racing one million times a minute? Is it a feeling that changes the way you live for that somebody special? Or is just something that people say to feel included? Does love even exist?
Love is said to be the most powerful thing in the world. It can drive nations to their very edge. It can overrule any kind of self moral you have. It can destroy you to your very core. It can shake your foundations until you fall. It is the driving force behind every good deed out there.
Some define love as a strong positive emotion of regard and affection. Some say it's any object of warm affection or devotion. Nobody can really explain what love is. But a lot do their best to try. It's binding, free, irreversible, optional, wanted, hated, shunned, praised, black, white, evil, pure, weak, powerful, annoying, desirable, dull, colourful...everything anybody wants, yet nobody can get their hands on it unless they truly believe in it. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Love is a friendship set to music.
I once read somewhere that the definition of love is the subject of considerable debate, enduring speculation and thoughtful introspection. The difficulty of finding a universal definition for love is typically tackled by classifying it into types, such as passionate love, romantic love, and committed love. In common use, love has two primary meanings, the first being an indication of adoration for another person or thing, and the second being a state of relational status. Love is an act of identifying with a person or thing, capable of even including oneself.
Some say that only the true at heart can ever love. Others say that anybody can love so long as they really mean it. I reckon those who love, are those who have been through enough to properly need affection, healing and somebody to rely on. I think that love is what makes the world spin. It's the blood pumping through our veins. It's the first snow of the year. It's the first young born during spring. It's the last thing heroes ever think of before leaving the face of earth for good.
You once told me that love is splendid. You said it was what made you get up of a morning and what allowed you to sleep soundly through the night. I never believed you. I never gave it a second thought. I ignored it and kept on being immune to everything around me. You then proceeded to tell me day after day that you loved me. Again, I was stupid and told you that nobody would ever love you and that you were worthless. I should not have done it so I changed. Nobody deserves to be hurt like that. Evil or Good. Magic or Muggle. Werewolf or Human.
After watching a muggle movie, I noticed something that a character said. To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love; but then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love; to be happy then is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
I would rather suffer than never love.
Love can be found anywhere and everywhere. In the darkest of times, in the lightest of moments. It can be with a new acquaintance, barely minutes after meeting. It can be with old friends, years after growing in a thousand ways together. You can find it in places you have never been and places you have walked so many times that you can find your way in your sleep. All you have to do is open your heart and look. I found love in the strangest place in the entire world – right where I left it.
You.
You need to know that whenever I close my eyes to sleep, all I'm only ever going to dream of you. I know that whenever I hear your name, all I do is cry. If I see your face, I fall in love all over again. My heart is always going to ache with pain whenever I remember leaving you behind and it feels like somebody is beating me with a spade until I am black and blue. When ever I see the full moon all I can think of is the day I said goodbye.
You know that everything I said was true, that I would not stay. I never once lied to you about the way I felt when ever you were near. But I never told you that if I could ever hold you again, I would never let go. I never said that I loved you with all my heart. That every single tear I cry is for you and you only. When everything is silent, I hear your voice. I will only ever remember the good times we shared, never the bad.
I wrote this letter to ask for you back. I know that I never should have left, and that everything we ever had was almost destroyed. I know that you probably don't remember me and that I am almost certain you will have moved on long ago. But the truth is, I never did and probably never will.
If I meet somebody new, I'll still keep you in my heart. I know that once upon a time you cared and that nobody else in the world will ever love you like I do. Nobody will keep you in their heart until they die and even beyond to the grave where I will soon lie without you. Mother always said that a heart may be broken, but it goes on beating the same. I doubt it.
I know that we have grown old with age, and that love is like the measles – most dangerous late in life. I still can't help but wonder what life would have been like had I of not left. I don't regret leaving; I regret not giving it a second thought. To hate myself for leaving would do me no good as it is already thirty years to late. All I can do is wish that there is a chance we can make up for lost time.
So, in all that I have said, all I really need you to know it that I love you. If you feel the same way, even after all these years, I would love to come back and see you. I have somebody very special who wants to meet you.
Forever and a day, baby.
Love,
The funeral was a small one. Gabriela had found an address book in her father's top draw and had opened it to the worn pages. At the funeral were only elderly people. One man that she had met, James Potter, had brought his wife, Lily. They cried more than she did. There was also another man there. He had introduced himself as Sirius Black.
Gabriela ordered a double coffin for her parents. They looked so peaceful and at rest with each other. The funeral came and went slowly. She visited their grave every afternoon. They were buried in the backyard of the small cottage, where she know lives with her husband and two sons. She stayed in touch with the two men and the woman. They told her stories about her parents that she could never imagine.
They loved each other till the end, Sirius told her, his bright eyes watering up.
She believed him.
Gabriela thought it a very odd coincidence that her father's name was the first name to come to her head when naming her youngest son. She had never known her father's real name and had barely even considered it as a name before. She guessed it was just one of those strange things to happen in life.
Emerald and Remus Lupin
Buried 12th July
Both from 1960 – 2020
Loving parents and grandparents
The world will be different without them
Everyday that Gabriela visited the grave, the same questions ran through her mind. What is love, exactly? Is it a state of mind where the object of your affection sends your heart racing one million times a minute? Is it a feeling that changes the way you live for that somebody special? Or is just something that people say to feel included? Does love even exist?
Hey, what do you know? I DO have some form of emotion! Three cheers for me. Okay, so this is the first instalment in a collection of Remus fanfictions. Most of which will be romance related. If you have an idea or would like to give me a user name to dedicate one to, you are most welcome. I don't expect many reviews, but I would LOVE them all the same. Keep an eye out for the next one coming soon.
RG
xox