You towel dry your hair after a much needed shower. This day was particularly exhausting; you're a good hunter but sometimes even you have to admit it's hard to keep up with Sam and Dean. Tonight you made your excuses for not joining them at the latest stakeout. You like having the motel to yourself for a change, just for a little breathing space. All you wear is your favourite t-shirt, and you're looking forward to a night of pizza, beer, and streaming Firefly on Sam's laptop. You walk out of the bathroom and towards the desk when you suddenly hear a soft thud behind you. You turn around quickly to see Castiel standing in the middle of the room. He looks a little surprised to see you. You wait for him to speak.
"Is Dean with you?" His brow furrows slightly.
You make a display of looking around the room, then retort playfully, "No, Cas. Obviously he's not."
"I need to talk to him."
"I can find out where he is."
"No, it's okay. It can wait." He studies the motel room from where he stands, and you watch him awkwardly.
"Do you ever just try knocking?" You gesture to the door.
"I've tried it, it just proves to be a waste of time."
"What do you mean?"
"After I knock, I have to wait for you to answer the door and then let me in. It's quicker to do it this way."
"It may be quicker but it's kinda intrusive." He pauses, uncertain. "You know, I might not have been decent… Or I could have been doing something private."
"Like what?" He studies your face. Curious. Then suddenly, you're very aware of how little you're wearing.
"I should probably change…" You make your way to the bathroom.
"I hope I haven't made you uncomfortable." He quickly calls out.
"Yeah, ditto." You laugh nervously.
"I should probably go, anyway."
You stop at the door of the bathroom. "Busy night?"
"No, I just don't want to interrupt anything."
You look around conspicuously. "What would you be interrupting?" He's unsure how to respond so you offer him a smile. "Cas, I'm not doing anything. Stay. Hang out."
"Hang out?" He gives you a confused look.
"Yeah, just hang out. You and I never just, you know… Hang out." You mentally kick yourself for stumbling over your words. "Look, Cas. How do you feel about space cowboys?"
"I've never heard of them"
"Okay, sit and watch this with me. I promise you'll love it."
Distracted from your search of clothing, you slide into the bed, motioning for Cas to join you. You set up the laptop at the end of the bed and pass a beer to him, as he now awkwardly sits on the side of the bed next to you.
You're about twenty minutes into the episode, but you're distracted as you can tell that his thoughts are elsewhere. Subtlety, you look up at him. Maybe it wasn't subtle enough, as he takes it as a cue to speak.
"I find it easier to watch over someone when I'm not physically with them." You're not sure where he's going with this. He looks up at you. "You said before about how you and I rarely spend time together." He doesn't say anything else. He's acting so strangely.
"Are you okay?" You ask. He nods and drinks more of the beer. The bottle is nearly empty. Maybe it's the beer talking. He relaxes a little more and moves his legs so that they are on top of the bed. He leans back slightly so he's mirroring you.
Why does everything seem more tense? You're suddenly really aware of his breathing. Every time you adjust your position slightly, you graze his arm with your own and it sends tingles all over your body. That's never happened before. You feel him occasionally looking over at you. He's probably noticed that you're blushing, that you're struggling to keep your breathing at a steady pace. Which is impossible when you're so aware of him being right next to you. Looking at you.
"Cas-" You're cut off by his hand on your cheek. You jump slightly at the touch. You want to kiss him. Why do you suddenly want to kiss him? You never did before. He pulls away and sits back again. Frowning slightly. Okay, this could definitely be the beer. Maybe not drawing attention to it would make it less awkward. You try to focus on the laptop screen.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…" He struggles to find the words. Maybe he feels it too. This bizarre attraction that came out of nowhere. Well, not exactly out of nowhere. You've always found him attractive, and goofy, and sweet, and caring; but you would have never in a million years acted upon it.
What would be so wrong in that? You know Cas. You trust him. You trust him in the same way you trust Sam and Dean. You gingerly stretch your arm forward a little bit, just so the back of your hand is lightly touching his forearm. He looks down, aware of the touch. Can he feel that tingling as well? You surrender all logical thought as you reach over and pull his face towards yours. The kiss is deep and sweet and the warmth of his tongue makes you shiver. He doesn't pull away. Instead he rests one of his hands on top of your own, and traces the curve of your waist with the other. You want him. You pull away slightly as you lift yourself so that you're sitting on top of him, and then return to the kiss. His hands are now on your bare thighs, gripping them firmly.
"What are we doing?" You manage you blurt out breathlessly as you pull back to look at him. He's equally breathless as he answers.
"Is this not what you want?" He looks concerned.
"Is this what you want?" He swallows and pauses, like he's really analysing the question.
"I care about you. I care about all of you; yourself, Dean and Sam. You're my family." Family. Ouch. Where is this going?
"I'm drawn to you, and the truth is, I think about you. More than I should."
You contemplate his answer, not really sure how to take it. You try to simplify it.
"Do you want me?" He exhales but doesn't take his eyes off of you. He answers by caressing your cheek and then bringing your lips to his. This is all so new. It must be new to him too. It suddenly dawns on you that he would have never done it before. This could be awkward. You secretly hope he managed to catch a glimpse of Dean's choice of recreational viewing.
You reach down and undo his pants. He helps you to slide them off and you move to unbutton his shirt. You cannot believe what you're doing. You had never expected this to happen. You had never expected him to make you so excited in this way. The shirt comes off and suddenly it's just the thin fabric of his underwear that is between you both. You can feel him there, beneath you. You need to calm yourself, slow down your breathing. You lean down to kiss him. It's softer this time, more tender. You think back to all of those moments of awkward gazes, his nervousness, how protective he was. It suddenly clicks into place. He pulls off your t-shirt leaving you completely naked. He stares at you, taking the sight of you in, and suddenly you're self-conscious. Reflexively, you reach up and cover your chest with your forearms. You kiss him again so as not do draw attention to that movement. As the kiss ends his eyes linger on yours and he smiles. You smile back at him and suddenly your defences drop. He looks down at your chest and reaches out with one hand to caress you there. You shiver at his touch as he moves down your waist and rests his hand on your hip. You're completely exposed to him and it's suddenly turning you on. You can feel his reaction beneath you and you don't want to wait any longer. In a swift motion you're able to pull his underwear down from his hips and lean back to move them down his legs. He kicks them off and you're left hovering over him. A thin sheet of air between the two of you.
He swallows again. Maybe he's nervous. He looks down and watches as you hold him in place, then slowly lower yourself onto him. He gives out a low moan and closes his eyes. You watch him bite his lower lip as you move your hips. Your breathing quickens. He opens his eyes and meets your gaze. You suddenly realise you've been making soft seductive groans of your own. You feel him completely as he moves inside you. He begins to thrust below you and he goes deeper. It becomes almost uncomfortable. You shift slightly above him and it eases the pressure. He's bigger than anyone you've had before; not what you're used to. Unfamiliar. You rest your hands on his chest as he grips your waist. Moving you in time with his thrusts. You see him watching you take him in, watches how your wetness covers him. It's getting too much. Already you're feeling close to the edge. You reach up and tangle your fingers in his hair. "Cas-", you can barely talk. Your words are slurred. "I can't believe you're fucking me." Did you just say that? You're taken aback by your own words. You feel almost embarrassed. Maybe you were a little lost in the moment there. Cas doesn't seem to notice. He sits up straight and wraps his arms tightly around your waist. His face against your chest as his body tenses under you. You feel him release inside of you; calling out as he jerks his body in a few final thrusts.
He stays there, unmoving. Still inside of you. You mouth rests on his forehead. You can taste the sweat. After a few moments he pulls away, rests against the headboard. He doesn't take his eyes off of you. He smiles as he speaks. "I can see what all of the fuss is about." You laugh lazily, but you're not done. Not ready to stop. You lift yourself off of him. You feel the cold air over your skin and you're too aware of the absence of him inside you.
You move to the side of him, his eyes following you, and you hold his cheek with one hand as you kiss him. He uses a lot more tongue this time. Where did he learn that? He's turning you on so much. "Will you do something for me?" You smirk at him, and then bite your lip as you stare at his mouth.
"Anything."
You kiss him again, moaning as he massages your tongue with his own. You lie down next to him. "Can you use your mouth on me?"
"What do you mean?" Ah, okay, this is definitely new to him.
"Put your tongue… here." You gesture to yourself and he watches you. He moves himself slowly off of the mattress and positions himself so that he's kneeling on the floor at the foot of the bed. He grips your knees and pulls you down so that your legs dangle off the end. Maybe this isn't all that new to him. He spreads your legs slightly, and slowly uses his hand to stroke you there. You let out a heavy sigh, and prop yourself up on your elbows. Immediately catching his eye. He smirks.
"So you want me to-"
"I think you know what I want you to do." He's definitely taken some mental notes from one of Dean's rentals.
"Maybe, but I don't want to assume all women like the same technique." He's more serious now. There's the logical, thoughtful Castiel. It's reassuring. That's he's still himself.
"Just go with it, Cas."
He positions himself so that his lips are at your thigh, he plants soft kisses there, slowly leading up to the top of your leg. You shiver as he touches you lightly, teases you. Slowly he moves his mouth to your centre and gently kisses your clit, breathing heavily against it.
"Cas-" you say, between breaths. "Use your tongue". He obliges and gently moves his tongue over it. Covers it completely with his mouth as his tongue darts over and around it. Your arms shake as you adjust so that you're lying back on the bed. Gripping the bed sheets as your body warms up again. He groans like he's the one being turned on. His voice hums against you and nearly sets you off. He moves his hands under your legs and grips your thighs at the side, keeping them in place. You realise your whole body is moving involuntarily at his touch. Your breathing quickens. You're close. He moves his arms so that each hand rests against your sides, just below your chest, steadying your whole body. You moan louder and your body tenses as you come against his mouth. You can feel yourself twitching against his lips. His eyes are closed as he continues to kiss you there, savouring the taste of you.
"Cas, come here." You reach out for him and he opens his eyes. He looks down once more where he last kissed you, and then moves to walk around the bed. He looks dazed as he rises to his feet, and has to steady himself. He smiles clumsily as he sits on the edge of the bed. You get up and manoeuvre yourself so that you're sitting on top of his lap. He holds you there as you kiss him fiercely. "Wow." You laugh shakily.
"I'm… glad you chose not to go with Sam and Dean tonight."
"Me too. Might make a habit of it." You grin but can't help but notice the faraway look on his face. "…Or not." You add. He snaps out of his thoughts and looks at you. A smile spreading across his face.
"Dean and Sam are back. I better disappear." You're suddenly on alert. You lift yourself off of him and pull on your t-shirt. You start straightening up the bed covers when the door opens.
"You're still awake." Dean says, surprise in his voice. You look sheepish and quickly turn to face where Cas was standing. He's gone. Dean raises an eyebrow at you. "You okay?" You nod quickly. "You know you'll regret coming home. You missed all the fun."
You can't help but smirk as you respond. "Yeah, if you say so Dean."
He studies you as you stand there, then looks around the room. "Did you have company?"
"No." You shake your head "I mean, Yeah. Cas stopped by. He was looking for you. That's all." He's still studying you. Then looks towards the distorted bed covers.
Does he know? Could he guess? You start to panic. Then panic over the fact that you're panicking. You don't regret what happened. So why are you feeling guilty? It didn't feel wrong. Then you look at Dean and realise it's the way he's looking at you. You feel like you're lying to him. You shake that thought from your head. You're not lying. It was private. You're not going to tell him every time you're intimate with someone. Although it wasn't just anyone. It was Cas. His friend. Dean nods to himself, then starts unpacking one of the bags that Sam brought in. The taste of Cas still lingers on your lips, but all you can see is the look that Dean had given you.
He was jealous.