Title: The Edge
Author: BlazeorFade
Rating: M for suicidal thoughts
Summary: Dean is close to gone and no one knows it.
Disclaimer: They own me not the other way around.
AN: Not in the Hunters 'vers. Promise to get started on the next in that series soon.
Can'tDoThisCan'tDoThisCan'tDoThisAnymore. I think again and gain as I paces the length of the room, running his hands through my hair, over my face, down the back my of neck. Again and again and again.
Its all wrong. It shouldn't be like this. We shouldn't be like this. I look down at the pen and paper on the bed. Coordinates. More fucking coordinates. I want to throw it across the room. I want to trash the fucking room.
So many guns just a few feet from me. It would be so easy. Just aim and pull the trigger and it'll all be over. No more brothers who hate me, no more Dad's who don't care about me. No more being alone. Can't do that though. Gotta look out for Sammy.
Ha what a pathetic excuse. He doesn't want you to protect him. He wants you gone. And he certainly wouldn't stick around to take care of you. He never did before. No one did.
I want t o call dad and shout at him. "I hate you!" I want t o scream at the top of my lungs. "You ruined my life! Took everything from me!" I don't though. I can't. Cause I don't hate them and that's the bitch of it. Sam killed me and I can't hate him. Dad destroyed me and I can't hate him either.
So I'll get in the car, smirk and pretend its all okay. I'm falling apart, so close to the fucking edge. They don't even see do they? They don't even care. Of course not. They don't have to care. As long as someone's there to clean up the mess and pick up the pieces they don't have to see anything past what they want. Someone's covered for Sam all his life, been there to pick him up. Someone's always been there for dad to dump his responsibilities on. Me.
That gun's looking better and better.