Amy sat with her knees over the arm of Ty's chair, not able to stop the tears even as she stared at his sleeping form. Even though he was home, she couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he'd almost died.
Her dream was so real that she couldn't get the sound of the heart monitor flat-lining out of her head. Ty had died that night! His heart had stopped beating. What if they hadn't been able to resuscitate him? How would she manage to go on without him?
She was nine months pregnant with their child and had serious doubts about being a mother as it was. If Ty wasn't there to help, she would never be able to do it on her own. She wasn't good with kids, especially infants. Having a tiny human depending on you for their every need scared the hell out of her.
Ty rolled over, expecting to put his arm around Amy, but the bed was empty. When his eyes adjusted to the dark loft, he could see her through the curtains, sitting in his chair. Her head was down, and he could hear the faint sound of crying.
Amy went to wipe her running nose on her sleeve when a tissue appeared in front of her face. It startled her, and she jerked back, looking up to see Ty standing there.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, kneeling to her level.
She tried to hide her eyes from him, but it was no use; he raised her chin to look into her blue eyes and saw the tears and uncertainty in them.
"Amy, what's wrong?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Her voice was almost a whisper.
"You didn't," he responded. "My body is still on Mongolia time." He waited for her to reply, but she didn't. He stood, taking her hands and pulling her up. Wrapping her in a blanket, he sat down in his chair, easing her into his lap. He pulled her body close, enveloping her in his embrace.
She buried her face in his chest, continuing to cry. He rubbed her back and let her cry for a while, knowing it would help release some of her hormonal emotions.
Slowly he could feel her relax, her head resting in the nook of his neck.
He'd missed her so much, and he knew it had been hard on her. Coming home sick wasn't what his pregnant wife needed to cope with in her ninth month. He felt terrible for putting her through all that anxiety.
He stroked her back and asked again, "Amy, are you okay?"
He heard her sniffle and answer, "Yes, I'm fine, Ty."
He kissed her head. "Amy, tell me what's wrong, please."
She took a breath and looked up to see his green eyes focused on her, full of love and concern. "I almost lost you, Ty. Your heart stopped! The tears started to well up in her eyes again.
As he hugged her tightly, it suddenly occurred to him how profoundly his absence over the past four months and coming home sick had affected her. He tried to understand the feelings she was experiencing, but he hadn't died. He was home and feeling good, and why did she doubt that she would be a good mother?
His voice was soft next to her ear, "Amy, I didn't die. I'm here holding you in my arms." He kissed her cheek. "You're never going to lose me, remember?" His hand caressed her very large belly.
She smiled through her tears, the feel of his hand on her stomach and his words reassuring her that it was going to be okay—that no matter what happened, they would be there to support each other.
"I know, Ty, but I keep having this dream, and I hear the machine flat-line and then I see me holding our baby standing at your grave." Her voice shook as she tried to block the vision from her mind.
"Hey, it's okay." He hugged her tightly. "It was just a dream, Amy. I'm right here, and I'm not planning on dying anytime soon. I wouldn't miss the birth of our baby for the world." He rubbed her belly.
She relaxed back against him, letting his words soothe her. It was true; he was here, and she knew how excited he was about becoming a father. But what if he wasn't well? What if the fever returned? They were still waiting on the test results to verify that he was completely cured, and she was scared.
Her words made him stop and think. What if he had died? He wouldn't be here to support her or see the birth of their child. She would be all alone, taking care of an infant and trying to work. Amy was a strong, modern woman, and he knew she could do it, but he didn't want her to have to.
Becoming a parent was exciting but also scary, and they needed each other's support to navigate through the happy but challenging times that lay ahead. He wasn't going to forget any time soon how close he came to losing everything that mattered to him.
Looking down at his wife, who had finally fallen asleep, he loved her more than life itself. She was soon to be the mother of his child, and his heart was so full of love for her and the baby. Leaving her while she was pregnant was the hardest thing he'd ever done. He wasn't sorry he'd gone, but looking back, he wasn't sure he would make the same decision twice.
Their time apart had somehow strengthened their bond, but it had been stressful too. He'd told her about the shirt he had taken to help him sleep. But he would never tell her how much he'd struggled with the things he'd missed.
When she talked about her doctor's appointments and especially the ultrasounds, it made him miss her even more. He wanted to be home, holding her tight and happily preparing for their baby, seeing their baby growing inside of her, his hands moving softly across her swollen belly.
She stirred, snuggling into his chest. He kissed her forehead, happy to be holding her in his arms again.
The trip had been an opportunity of a lifetime, but it came with a cost. He'd lost four months with Amy and the baby. Almost dying had given him a new perspective on life, reminding him that he couldn't take anything for granted.
He didn't know his child yet, but it had filled a large portion of his heart. Soon they would welcome it into their home and become a family—something that meant the world to him. He planned on being there every step of the way from now on as a loving husband and a good father.
"I love you both," he whispered.
He laid his head back against the chair and pulled her close. Sighing, he closed his eyes, the vision of his soon to be family filling his head and helping him drift off to sleep.