Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel.
Summary: Cat thought her big brother was death, but she couldn't have been more wrong. Zack returns. Sequel to You took my soul away (Don't need to read to understand).
Summary Prologue: Cat's thoughts after she learns about Zack's death in Manticore. Post-AJBAC.
A/N: Rose, if you are reading this, I thought the Z/S challenge was pretty interesting. I already had the character for this story and well, I just don't see Syl with the personality I'm giving Cat, so I went with her. Anyway, I think is a good challenge and I'm thinking about using it on a future story. For now I just hope you like Cat. I dedicate this chapter to you. Consider it a birthday present. Have fun!
A/N2: Special thanks to my sister Mai for her feedback to this story. You really helped me a lot, I wasn't very sure about this chapter. I'm glad you liked it.
PROLOGUEThe leader of our unit
Best soldier and CO
We used to look up to you, we still do
The keeper of our souls
You used to have all the answers
You were brother, father and so much more
But who will have the answers now
Now that you left us, now that you are gone.
I still remember the last time I saw you: you were so angry and hurt. I remember thinking who could do that to you? Why?. After all you've done for them. But then you started yelling about Max being a fool and I finally understood. I mean, who else?. Maxie, always Maxie. She was a rebel, a liability. She wouldn't follow your orders even if her life depended on it. And it certainly did. But she still could get to you in a way no one else could. And I'm not talking about getting in your nerves (that too, of course). I'm talking about getting in your heart. And she did. Ironic, isn't it?. She also took it away. It could be so funny if it didn't make me cry at night.
She was a bad soldier and she took you away from us forever. Our Zack. My Zack. And I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I can't stop my hatred. I hate her for what she did. She put herself in danger and it got you killed. And to hate is as bad as love for a soldier, it clouds your judgment. So you see what she's done?. What would you think about me now?
You used to be so proud of me. You told me once I was the only one you could count on. Of course you were angry at half our siblings at that time, but I felt great all the same. I felt honored that you could be proud of me. I always thought so much of you, that having you say those words to me was bliss. You told me I was the only one you could trust to do always the right thing. That you knew I could handle myself and you respected me. I could have hugged you so tight right then. But that's not the way a good sister and good soldier behaves. And I was both. I was both for you, always for you. I followed your orders without argument. Well, I knew you were right and I thought it was the best thing to do too. But also because I could never say no to you. Keep moving, do not settle, do not get attached. That was my life, but I didn't care. I didn't need a home, I had one. YOU were my home.
You were proud of my strength. If you only knew….. . I'm not as strong as I used to make you think. I tried to be strong for you. But playing good little soldier only gave me two phone calls a year and an occasional visit. Why checking up on me if you knew I was alright?. Not even Lydecker could take me down. Maybe not Lydecker but your death certainly did.
If you didn't need to worry, why stop and think about your little sister Cat before you pulled that trigger?. She can handle herself, she doesn't need me. Well, guess what? I do need you. I need you and you left me here all alone. I hate Max for putting you in the situation where you had to choose between her and us. And I hate you even more for the choice you made. In the end you chose her.
But I can't tell you that now. I wouldn't even if you were alive. Cause that would mean you'd know the truth. That I'm not real. The sister you know is just an act. I'm not strong, I can't handle everything. I'm just a little foolish girl that lost her role model and now is completely lost in the world. And then you wouldn't be proud of me anymore. And disappointing you is worse than anything else.
So I will forget about my weaknesses after this moment and I will keep my promise to you. I will be the good little soldier and you can count on me. I will protect my siblings and keep them safe and free. I will continue your mission and make you proud. Even if it's just an act, even if I'm dead inside.
Goodbye Zack. You'll never know how deeply you were loved.