17th April 2013
dear cam,
they think i'm crazy, maybe I am.
I don't know,
it's been a month since you died, everybody's moving on like you didn't even exist.
It makes me so angry.
Audra made me go to a therapist because apparently i'm so young I don't know how to cope, she said letters work to get your anger out, so here i am writing to you, a dead kid.
Thus why i think i am crazy, or maybe it was the fact that owen yelled at me today after i skipped practice, calling me crazy telling me i needed help, he told me that moping around wasn't going to bring you back and i know this, honestly i do, but i can't help being sad.
his brother tristan told him stop, (you we're friends with him, right?) he refused and said that somebody needed to say it.
I wish he was wrong, cam, but he wasn't.
the clock says 6:14, practice started at six, i don't know why i don't go, i will get ready, telling myself that today i would go, but i never do, it's like when i leave my room i suddenly have responsibilities and people to impress and i don't want to have that.
sometimes i hate my friends because they are so happy and i just want to be happy like that again, cam, did you know that you took my happiness away?
sometimes i hate you. i hate you for not caring that you weren't just taking you're life when you jumped off the roof, you we're taking a piece of everybody's hearts with you.
if you're watching me right know you would see that im crying, big wet tears, there staining the piece of paper i'm writing on, smudging the ink,
if you watch us you would also know that you're girl Maya has gone AWOL, sleeping with guys, she's becoming the talk of the school.
people whisper about her when they think she's not listening they say she is taking drugs and trying to replace you, but she's not, and the things people say they hurt her.
i know this because they do the same to me.
but i deserve it because i made you jump,
didn't i cam?