It was the same stretch of beach, the same spot that she always sat in. Things changed – a lot of things – but that hadn't. It was where she waited, which was ironic in a way because there wasn't anything or anyone she was waiting for anymore. Not anyone that was coming at least.
She heard footfalls in the sand behind her and before long a shadow appeared next to her. If she wasn't the type to notice details she wouldn't notice that the sound of boots hitting the sand was quieter, more graceful or that the shadow was shorter than the one she usually saw, but she was and she did. The illusion shattered before it even had the chance to register, and her stomach sunk.
"You can sit down, you know." The words fell from her lips without any real feeling behind them. She was still stuck in her own head.
Sayid dropped down onto the sand next to her, posture rigid. He stared straight out at the ocean, never looking at her. She knew that this was as relaxed as the man got. "I see you've found your old spot again."
She nodded but didn't say anything. Small talk really wasn't something Sayid was good at and she figured her silence might force him to get to the point.
As she had assumed, Sayid didn't seem to know what else to say to her other than what he had come there for. "Do you really think it's wise to rush into this?" He asked, clarifying though she already understood. "Retrieving Jack from the Others."
"I owe him, we all do," She told him, echoing the same words she'd said to him and Locke not six hours ago. After all Jack had done for them she couldn't believe there was even any question as to whether or not they'd at least try. That was all she asking. Just for him, for Locke, to make an attempt at helping her bring him back. "It's what Jack would do if it were one of us."
"Yes, but that is also what got him captured in the first place. I wanted to wait, to try and figure out what Michael's motives were, but Jack insisted on going along with Michael's plan and going after Walt. Quick judgments and a lack of planning does not help anyone." Sayid reminded her, in that calm voice. The words would sound condescending and bitter said by anyone else but here she knew he was only trying to state facts.
"After what he – the things he did to allow me and Sawyer to escape are going to have consequences. We don't know what they're putting him through. The longer we leave him there the more we risk. I won't do that." Kate caught his gaze, determined to make him change his mind. She wouldn't take no for an answer. Not when it was something as important as this.
"I just think that we need a strategy, and we need to get more support, more manpower. We need all the help we can get." Sayid began. Truthfully, she knew she should be taking his advice into consideration. He had more experience than she did, he had a military background. Kate had whatever she'd been able to pick up from her father on hunting trips. It wasn't exactly an equal balance.
"Where exactly is this manpower coming from? Charlie? Hurley?" She asked, noting the ridiculous lack of candidates at this point. "You were in the Republican Guard. Locke is either really smart or slightly insane, but either way he knows his way around this island. I've been on more treks than both of you combined and I can track. We don't need anyone else; we've got everyone who knows anything about rescue missions and bad situations."
Sayid made a noise that was somewhere between a groan or a sigh, and she couldn't decide if that meant she was breaking down his resolve or just getting on his nerves. She hadn't been around him enough lately to tell. "Perhaps…"
"No, no 'perhaps', no 'buts'," she said, getting agitated. Why couldn't he see where she was coming from? She tried to think of something to convince him, anything that would get his attention. When she finally did, the words came out before she could stop and think about what she was saying. "If it was Shannon they had taken, you would be doing the same thing I am. You'd want to get out there and save her, not wait around making plans and hope that nothing happens in the meantime."
His eyebrows lowered and frowned at her. There was a line and she'd just jumped right over it. People didn't talk about Shannon to him, the same way people didn't say anything about Libby around Hurley. Here she'd gone and used it for leverage.
"I'm sorry," she amended quickly, cooling down and getting herself back under control, lowering her voice. Forcing herself to actually think about what she was saying. "I shouldn't have said that."
He was quiet for a long moment as he kept his eyes on the waves that crashed close to shore. She didn't know if he was just thinking or if he'd retreated inside his head like she had not long ago. Kate wondered how he dealt with her death. She'd never seen him grieve except that day by her gravesite. Then never again. He took in a long, slow breath, before saying, "The way you said that makes me think you're too close to all of this to be coming along. Maybe you should stay here."
"I'm going." She replied firmly, before he could say anymore. She was too close, but in her opinion that was an advantage, not a liability, despite his feelings to the contrary.
His mouth opened, to say more, to contradict her or try to talk her out of it, but then he thought better of it and closed it again. He shifted in the sand, resting his arms on his knees and stretching out his neck. Uncomfortable, and trying to figure out what to say next, she presumed. Finally, "I spoke with Sawyer. He told me you came looking for the guns and told him not to come along with us." He paused. She didn't quite know where he was going with this. "He knows how to use a gun, maybe it's not a terrible idea to bring him along."
"No. He's staying behind." She bit out, angry because Sawyer had probably gone to Sayid and fed him an altered version of what happened and what was said. He probably told Sayid that she wasn't playing with a full deck, or something equally as undermining. Sawyer didn't seem too keen on her going back. Kate liked to think that he was just worried for her safety but a part of her thought otherwise. "He only wants to go because I don't want him to."
"And why is that?" Sayid asked, seemingly curious, watching her again, as she ran her teeth along her lower lip.
"Sawyer and I have some unresolved issues and I just think maybe we shouldn't bring them along with us on the hike when we have more important things to be thinking about." She said, her nicest way of telling him that she avoided Sawyer like the plague since they got back because she was having serious second, third, and fourth thoughts about sleeping with him. There seemed to be a difference in opinion between the two of them over what those actions had meant. He saw it as a commitment, which was amusing coming from a man who conned woman out of their money by using sex for a living; she saw it as a need for comfort and contact.
Sayid started to nod, then she saw something come together in his head. She didn't know what or how but he shook his head, before saying, "People make mistakes. It's a sign of being human. Nothing is accomplished by punishing yourself for them."
She eyed him curiously, not comprehending both what he had said and how he'd pinpointed exactly what was going through her mind. It was a mistake. That's exactly what it was.
He rose from the ground, straightening and dusting off his pants before beginning to walk back up the beach.
"Sayid," she called out, caught off guard by his quick exit. He hadn't even said goodbye.
He turned back to face her, "I'm going to go tell John to get ready to leave in the morning. We'll meet at the edge of the jungle, just after sunrise tomorrow." Just like that he had given in. She smiled at him, and nodded as he left, letting out a breath of relief as she turned her attention back to the waves. Waiting.