100 Songfics
[by TerraBird]
Back to the Start
[Artist: Lily Allen]
Being young was so easy.
Terezi pulled the cherry red dragon cloak tighter around her shoulders. Back then, she didn't have to worry about the end of the world or even her own image. She had so easily projected herself as fearless, careless, and confident. She had been manipulative and radical, always calm and collected. Now, she didn't even know if that had been real.
She inhaled deeply. It was awful. All the scents were dulled by now. She could hardly tell red from green anymore. Even with her eyes closed, it was a strain.
Why had she done it? What had possessed her to sever the only tie she'd ever had with her late lusus? No one had ever gotten to her about her blindness, but Gamzee. . . He hardly had to try. Something about him. . . Just the thought of him enraged her. She gripped the handle of her cane to steady herself. It wasn't just that. Latula, too. Everyone loved her, thought she was so cool and rad. Why couldn't Terezi be more like her ancestor? She felt so useless. Here they were, hurtling through space on a meteor, and she couldn't even figure out what to do to make herself less doubtful of herself.
And him. Why did she feel awful when she thought about him? She had Dave, didn't she? He hadn't left her yet. But Karkat. . . She knew she'd hurt him. His heartache was heavy enough that she could still smell it. And it was bitter. It left a bile in her mouth and a sting in her nostrils.
Terezi sniffed again, a desperate attempt to regain what she'd lost. She was met with nothing more than the sharp cold of the fake forest air. Why'd it have to be here? Her old forest, the place of her wriggler hood. It only enforced the painful reminiscence.
She'd been through so much here, in this forest. She'd spent countless hours chatting with her friends, cackling and hanging scalemates and holding court. She almost laughed at the idea of being a Legislacerator now. There really was no such thing anymore. Not here, anyway.
And how much time she'd spent teasing Karkat? The sweeps were countless. At least then things had been simple.
"Terezi?"
She stiffened at the sound of her name on his tongue. She would have smelled him coming had she not given in to the temptation of sight. She adjusted her glasses and pulled her hood lower over her eyes. He couldn't find out just yet. Some things needed to stay the same, even if it meant she had to cling to lies.
He was getting closer. Asking about the forest or something.
Maybe things would be simple again someday, when all of this was over.
Maybe someday they could all just go back to the start.