Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. :)

Note: This was originally for the actual Canada Day. Because it's Canada's motherfucking BIRTHDAY, bitches...be envious XD. Anyway, 'cause I'm such a loser, I made this TODAY, and posted TODAY. Even though I wanted to post it tomorrow...meh, oh well too late.

Anyway, happy (early) Canada day to my Canadian bros and sistas 8D

orientation

'Cause Narumi's straight. Totally straight. He is.

…he is, right?

The day started normally, but by now Narumi should have realized that with his luck, nothing at Gakuen Alice was normal. Like, ever. And by now, the poor soul should have realized that his students would —if not now, another time— ask him what Hotaru asked today.

Which was a very (if not a veryveryveryvery) vaild question of his sexual orientation.

Yes, young Hotaru asked whether or not her sensei was...gay.

It goes without saying that there was a very (if not a veryververyvery) long pause following the veryveryveryvery valid question.

A baffled Narumi gives Hotaru a flat stare, seeing as the question had made him lose all previous effervesce he had before. "Oh god no. What makes you think that, Hotaru?"

Teacher and student stare at each other, not glaring, but you can see the look in Narumi's eyes are daring Hotaru to continue. "Well, you're pretty much a transvestite, sensei. Homosexuality usually follows, and you do spend a lot of time with Misaki-sensei..."

Another very long pause follows, as they stare —yet again— at one another, and inwardly, Narumi bristled.

BITCH, you didn't just go there.

"There's a difference of being homosexual, and a transvestite, Hotaru." Narumi says calmly. "And I assure you, I'm neither of the two."

Oh, please.

Satisfied that the young genius did not reply, Narumi returns his attention to the blackboard. "Anyway, as I was saying—"

"I'm not comfortable with a homosexual teaching me!" Koko abruptly cries.

Narumi is shocked. Just how crude and not to mention biased (not that he admits to being gay) were these kids? "I'm not homosex—"

"Stop being such a homophobe Koko!" Utters Sumire, who shakes her head in un-approvingly. "That's really rude and unfair. Who cares if Narumi-sensei is gay."

Koko considers that. "…I guess you're right. Sorry Narumi Sensei! You're free to like men, again!"

"Thank you for a change of heart, Koko, but I'm never did like men that wa—"

"Wait," Sumire waves her hand, signalling that Narumi shuts up. "You aren't gay with Misaki-sensei are you?"

"No! I am definitely not gay with—"

"What does gay mean?" A confused Mikan asks.

"Hot, dirty, sex between two guys." Explains Sumire. "It's all anal in the bed, apparently. Right Narumi-sensei?"

"Oooooh—ewww!" Squeals Mikan. "I'm sorry, that's gross, Narumi-sensei."

"But I'm not—"

"It's not all about sex though." Hotaru adds, a smirk on her face. "Being "gay", or homosexual to put in better terms, is simply an attraction between two people of the same sex."

"Ooooh. Are you attracted to Misaki-sensei, Narumi-sensei?" Mikan asks.

"Duh!" Sumire cries. "Who else would he be with?"

"Some homeless guy off the street?" Natsume suggests.

They all consider that.

"Are you with a homeless guy, Narumi-sensei?" Koko asks, "I thought you had better dating standards than that."

"Ew. No, I'm not—"

"Who said they were just dating?" Sumire says, wiggling her eyebrow.

"WILL YOU STOP CUTTING ME OFF?" Narumi finally screams, face red. "I' M STRAIGHT, ALRIGHT? STRAIGHT LIKE A RULER. STRAIGHT LIKE STRING. STRAIGHT LIKE THE WORLD'S STRAIGHTEST OBJECT! NOW BE QUIET!"

There's a brief pause, and Hotaru raises her hand. "Narumi-sensei?"

"WHAT?"

"Your hair begs to differ."

Oh, she went there...

AGAIN

XD

Poor Narumi. He needs some love. Some feMALE love.

Review?