Roach's Journal
This popped into my head the other day. I was writing in my own journal, when I thought; why not write a story about Roach's journal? Have Fun.
A/N: Kind of depressing content at the end! You have been warned!
Monday (First day of being in TF141)
So this place is pretty good. Better than I imagined. MacTavish said I don't talk much. I never really did. I guess I should write down my daily schedule of today, so tomorrow I'll see if anything changed.
Assigned my own room
Sitting in my room, all alone
Asked to carry a few papers to the doctor's office by MacTavish
Finished unpacking
Dinner
MacTavish said we would have training tomorrow , so need to wake up at 6.
When I had dinner, I didn't really know anyone there. So I just sat at an empty table by myself.
A few of the guys from the other tables gave me weird glances every now and then, but who cares. I'm the new guy. Or the 'FNG' as they call me. Hmf.
Tuesday
Trained my ass off today. And I'm freaking exhausted. Ghost said "That's alright, but it's easy to improve on garbage". I swear he hates me. The looks he gives me. Like 'seriously? They sent this guy here?'. Grrr. I sat alone at breakfast, lunch and dinner. I guess the other guys think I'm boring, since I never talk. It's not my fault I'm this shy. Ok, maybe it is, but who cares. Not like I can do anything about it…
Wednesday
More training with Ghost. He is always making me do extra laps, extra push ups, running the courses again and again. Like, what did I ever do to him? He's such a cold bowl of soup. The type that your spoon falls into. Anyway:
Breakfast
Training
Shower
Firing range
More training
Lunch
More. damn. training.
Afternoon to ourselves.
Thursday
So. Meat and Royce found a pretty big spider in the rec room. I guess they saw my face before I went to my room, because guess who woke up with a huntsman on their chest. Yeah. ME. I gotta be honest, I screamed like a little girl. Actual. And I was miserable for the rest of the day. Now they've all heard about it, they call me 'spider boy'. I hate it. I already have a nickname. *cries*
Friday
Guess who got roared at for being late. ME! It's Meat and Royce's fault. The thought of that spider kept me up all night! :(
Aaaand guess who has no friends and gets picked on by their Lieutenant? That's right. MEEE!
Saturday
MacTavish asked me about how my first week with the Task Force 141 went. I said it was better than expected. He seemed happy. Well, he would be. He doesn't have a nasty Lieutenant. And he has friends. Oh, and everyone has forgotten about the whole 'spider-boy' thing.
Sunday
Today is a free day. Ghost is in a really bad mood because Meat and Royce played a little prank on him. Worm and Rocket are playing cards. And I'm sitting in my room. All alone. Don't mind me; I'll just wallow in my self-pity by myself.
3 weeks later
Wednesday
Captain says we are going on a mission. And by 'we' I mean just me and him. In the cold. Near the cliffs. This is going to be fun.
Thursday
Ohhhh man. Not even five minutes into the mission and I nearly fell off the bloody cliff.
It went ok after that. Other than MacTavish nearly getting shot, and riding a snowmobile down a mountain while getting shot at by Russians. A good day. I just need some rest.
Friday
Ghost is insulting me as usual. This time it went a little too far. It went something like this:
"Not good enough! You're useless!"
"Sorry sir."
"Sorry isn't going to fix anything! You're just the dead weight of the team! You should have never been sent here! You're worthless."
And all I did was trip over a bit and come last on the obstacle course. WHY DOES HE HATE ME.
Saturday
I had a pretty bad nightmare. It was about a ghost-wolf hunting me down. To make it short, I was running through a forest, but then the wolf caught me and pinned me down. Then it ripped my throat out. That's when I woke up, covered in sweat and shaking.
I went into the rec room and I swear Ghost was glaring at me the whole time. I really, really wanted to say "Like what you see?" but I was afraid he wouldn't have been staring at me after all and I would just make a fool of myself.
Sunday
I had the same nightmare. The ghost-wolf was faster this time. When I sat down for breakfast, I was distracted so much about the dream that I nearly jumped out of my seat when MacTavish tapped me on the shoulder. He asked me if I was ok since I was looking really pale. I just said I was tired. He said alright but he looked like he didn't believe me. I am really tired.
Monday
Ghost getting up me again. I'm starting to feel like I don't belong here. I don't usually think like this but, what if no one cares? No. They care. They must. Humans aren't emotionless robots. At least, the ones I know aren't. And I had the same nightmare. The wolf is stronger, and the forest is getting less trees.
Tuesday
Today at lunch MacTavish asked me if I was sleeping alright, because now I'm getting dark circles under my eyes. I told him 'just nightmares'. He looked concerned. He asked me what the nightmares are about. I told him a ghost-wolf hunted me through the forest and killed me every time. And it got stronger and faster every time. After that he looked really worried.
Wednesday
It's not like me to be eavesdropping, but I just had to. I was walking past MacTavish's office and I heard arguing inside. No one else was around, so I put my ear to the door and this is what I heard:
"He's been having nightmares Ghost! And have you seen how tired he looks?"
"That's not my fault if he's having nightmares. Or if he's tired."
"Lay off the training a bit Ghost. Give him a break for once."
"Why are you so worried about him?"
"Remember what happened to the last FNG we had?"
"That wasn't my fault!"
"I know it wasn't, but he was having real bad nightmares, too. I don't want a repeat of that. So please, lay off the training just a bit."
"Fine."
After that I quickly went back to my room. I DID NOT want to be caught eavesdropping.
Thursday
I noticed that training has been a little easier. I've decided to go to the doctor to ask if he has any sleeping pills. I don't know if they'll help, but it's probably the only thing I can do for myself right now.
Ghost is still being nasty. I swear I'm going to pour cement into his ears while he sleeps.
Friday
Went to the doctor, and even he said I was looking exhausted. The pills are doing their job, which is good. This is probably the only full night's sleep I've gotten since the nightmare's started.
2 weeks later
Sunday
I'm so damn tired.
Monday
We're going on a little trip, Ghost says. A training exercise. MacTavish said it's to….build our trust in each other. Whatever that means. I don't trust anyone here. Except MacTavish of course. He's such a bright blue sky. On a sunny day. Whereas Ghost is a moody ass cloud that's raining on your one moment then strikes you with a random-ass bolt of lightning the next.
Tuesday
This little trip is going fine so far. Climbing up hills, crossing rivers with ought getting wet, climbing trees. If I wasn't with Ghost, this would have felt like a camping trip.
But the only downsides- no fire. No tents. Just out sleeping bags. And I was FREEZING. Ghost even said, 'Bit cold are you Roach?' when he noticed I was shivering, and I just nodded. Why did he ask that? Thought he didn't care about me. Ha-ha, who would?
Wednesday
I was standing at the edge of a river this morning, admiring the sunrise, when SOMEONE pushed me into the river. I stood up from the water(it was shallow), soaking wet, and Ghost asked 'Fall in did you Roach? How clumsy of you!' and he was standing EXACTLY where I had been standing. He's getting really annoying. He's like a ration pack with no steak bars*. Disappointing.
Thursday
We're going back today. Which is awesome because I CANNOT STAND GHOST ANY LONGER. He is very irritating with his little remarks about how I'm clumsy and slow. Hmf.
Friday
MacTavish asked me how it went. I said I was good, besides the fact that I got pushed into the river for no reason. And I was freezing for the two nights. He laughed at this. Of course he would. Bright happy-ass sunny day MacAsshole.
Saturday
I don't really want to be here anymore.
Sunday
I stayed in my room the whole day. I didn't have breakfast, or a shower. And the nightmares are getting worse.
MacTavish just came in. He seemed really worried. He asked me why I wasn't at breakfast. I just shook my head and said that I was tired. He didn't believe me. He asked me if I was still having the nightmares, and I said they're getting worse.
Monday
I don't think I can do this anymore.
Tuesday
Tonight. Where no one can see me. I guess this will be my last journal entry. I'm sick of having no one to talk to, having nightmares, getting picked on by Ghost. I don't have a reason to do this anymore.
Wednesday
Thursday
Well, there you have it. Sorry for the depressing stuff at the end. I didn't know how else to finish it. :(
Anyway, hope you liked it. Any reviews would be great! The good and the bad! It helps! Any ideas are more than welcome.
*-in case you don't know what a steak bar is: It comes in ration packs, and us army cadets go CRAZY for them. Steak bars are literally our currency. Oh, and they're beef jerky by the way.
-Stay Fierce!