A/N : Hi! I have a few things to say first, just to be clear : 1. This is my second AoS story, and it's kinda complicated, I had many thoughts running through my head while writing it, but I really do hope you'll understand what I had in mind. 2. For the needs of this particular story let's all agree that May is still able to get pregnant at the end of the s5, since we don't know how old she actually is. 3. „Wǒ piàoliang de háizi" means „My beautiful baby". 4. The song I put into the story is Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran. It's sad, but in my opinion fits the story perfectly. Check it out! 5. English is not my main language, all mistakes are mine. I realize it's not perfect, may be messy somewhere, but it's just a story, okay? The idea popped out in my head and I decided to share it with all of you. So, if you find mistakes or just think the story is bad, you can tell me, I won't be offended. Just remember that we're all humans, and what we're doing here, writing, is just for fun. I'll be grateful for every comment, though. Okay, I think that's all. Thank you for reading! Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER : Not mine! Everything (except Melissa and the idea of course) belongs to MCU.
„Oh I'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but I know
A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved.
So I'll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you'd be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah
You're home."
She was so beautiful.
Phil Coulson knew that he was running out of time and he couldn't do anything to stop it. He has exceeded his limit long ago. You can't fool your destiny.
Breathing became so difficult and painful as if the tank had run over his chest. His lungs were burning with a living fire, with the last of their strength trying to get even a little air to his body. His heart was beating quickly and unevenly, as if it was about to jump out, and then slowing down, as if it was not going back to its rhythm anymore. The blood in his veins was running slower. Muscles have become too slender to be able to move them. His brain wasn't working as it should, making attempts to focus on anything more and more difficult.
Two weeks.
He got to spent two best weeks of his life on Tahiti, and now he was dying.
He was scared like hell.
And at the same time he was calm, he knew he wasn't dying for real, because the other half of his soul was lying next to him, safe and healthy. Alive.
He had been going through this for an hour now, but he didn't wake her up. He didn't want the image of him dying in the nightmares waking her almost every night. He didn't want her to see him in such a state. She saw too much of death. At least in this way he could protect her from suffering, maybe make her feel less broken afterwards.
He looked at her sleepy form with feverish eyes. She was laying under the blanket, curled up like a small child, and her fingers were moving gently on the pillow. Her lovely face was calm, her long eyelashes casting a shadow over her cheeks. The moonlight coming through the window was reflecting off her dark hair. She looked like an angel.
Phil Coulson regretted many things in his life, but he would never forgive himself for hiding his feelings for her for so long. What was he waiting for? What was he afraid of? If he hadn't been such a coward, if he had gathered his courage before, maybe everything would have gone differently. Maybe instead of letting her leave with Andrew, he would be with her when she needed him most. Maybe he could help her more after Bahrain, and maybe he wouldn't lose her again. Maybe he could propose to her, maybe they could have a wonderful family, a house with a garden and a dog, somewhere far away from people, in a place that would only be theirs. Why did he allow all of this to pass through his fingers? Why was he so stupid?
He wasn't given any more time to think about it longer. His lungs tightened, and he began to choke. His whole body was burning. He wanted to shout, but he knew he couldn't do it. Couldn't do it to her.
Black spots began to appear in front of his sight when he looked at her for the last time.
And at that moment, her beautiful chocolate eyes opened and met with his blue ones.
I love you, was Philip J. Coulson's last thought before he drowned into the darkness.
He imagined his death many times. And he died once, so he knew how it was like.
Still, though, he liked the version with meeting his parents the most. Those two amazing people, who gave him everything they could, and thanks to them he become the man he was. The man they wanted him to be.
He didn't see them the first time, so he was a little disappointed that they didn't come for him now. It would be nice if they did.
The first time, he saw the most important things from his life. And then, Tahiti. No, T.A.H.I.T.I.
The first time, he saw her.
Now, there was nothing.
''Coulson? Sir?"
It was strange. It seemed to him that someone was calling him.
''Sir? Can you hear me?"
He didn't know where he got, the good place or the bad, but apparently they knew him here either way.
''You think he can hear us?"
''Easy, he just woke up. We have to give him some time."
The voices again.
He knew those voices.
It took him a moment, but eventually, he realized that the emptiness surrounding him had disappeared. He could think. He could hear the sounds. Slowly, he was beggining to regain control of stiff muscles. He was warm. He was breathing and his heart was beating.
He wasn't dead.
But… How?
Opening his eyes turned out to be a much more difficult task. His eyelids seemed too heavy, glued together. First, he opened one eyelid, but he closed it as quickly, not only because it was very tiring, but also because it was very bright around, white light blinding him unmercifully. He waited a moment to gather energy and opened his second eyelid for a moment. He waited another moment longer, and opened both.
Slowly, slowly, blinding whiteness began to disappear. He began to distinguish colors and even shapes and objects. Bright floor, metal machines whose names he did not know, glass doors, white walls. And on one wall the logo he knew by heart, which was his whole life.
S.H.I.E.L.D.
''Sir?"
He closed his eyes for a moment to concentrate on turning his head in the direction from which the sound came, and when he opened them again, he saw a group of figures. Three people, two women and one man, and they all were looking at him with wide eyes, filled with excitement and fear at the same time, as if he was a ticking bomb that was about to explode.
His brain wasn't working as fast as it should yet, so it took another long moment before he realized he knew those people.
Jemma Simmons.
Leopold Fitz.
And Daisy Johnson.
His team. People he cared about the most in the world. His family.
They've changed. They looked much older than when he saw them for the last time. Wrinkles appeared on their faces, and their eyes became more serious and distant. They grew up. They were no longer kids, they were adult people who could take care of themselves. They survived so much, not once fate exposed their endurance for the test. And yet, they were here.
''I thought I'd never see you again" he croaked with a dry throat.
The smiles that appeared on their faces, full of relief and love, made him feel warmer on his heart.
''It's a miracle" Daisy said and came closer to the bed he was lying on. She brushed away the tear falling down her cheek with one hand, and put the other on his, squizzing it. When she spoke again, her voice, deeper than before, trembled. ''Welcome back, boss."
He smiled to her and squizzed her hand too.
''All parameters seem to be normal" Jemma said, approaching the machine next to him, to which he was connected. She looked at him with a glint in her eye. ''It's a real miracle. We thought we lost you forever."
Coulson swallowed the bump that had formed in his throat.
''I don't understand" he shook his head and frowned. ''What happened exactly? Shouldn't I be dead?"
''You almost were" said Fitz, also coming closer. He wore glasses now. '' When you were on Tahiti, you got worse, your brain started to die, but thanks to the quick response, we managed to stop it. We didn't do it on time, however, and you fell into a coma. We couldn't do anything more then, it was the only way to keep you alive."
''So how am I awake now?"
''A new drug has been discovered, the ingredients of which have worked well with some of the GH325 components still running in your blood" Jemma explained, with her typical enthusiasm. Her passion for medicine hasn't changed. – Those days, medicine is putting more and more steps forward. Thanks to that we were able to develop a cure. We were gaving it to you for some time, and it was slowly removing the poison from your body, until it finally eliminated it completely. You are completely healthy and that's why you're feeling this good now. You should still rest, though."
Phil frowned. Those days? He took a deep breath and forced himself to ask a question he was afraid to hear an answer to.
''How long… How much time has passed?"
The all three looked at each other, exchanging uncertain looks.
It was Daisy who was brave enough to finally break the silence.
''Sir…" she said slowly, looking him straight in the eyes. ''Since we took you from Tahiti… It's been eighteen years."
His eyes opened wide in shock.
''I've been in a coma... For eighteen years?"
Daisy nodded and bit her lip.
Eighteen years.
He spent almost two decades sleeping.
But he was on Tahiti just a few hours ago, lying on the bed with-with-
''Where is May?"
Simmons, Fitz and Daisy froze, staring at each other, then at Coulson. After a few long seconds that seemed to go on forever, everyone looked at one point, to his right. He turned his head and looked there too.
She was standing in the corner of the room, as quiet as if she wasn't breathing at all, and she was staring at him with wide-open brown eyes. Chinese. Short, slim but athletic. With olive skin and long black hair tucked behind her ears. She was dressed in a black uniform with the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo on both arms.
It was her.
Only, unlike the others, she was not eighteen years older but… younger. Just as if she went back to their first day at the academy.
''Melinda" he whispered, not taking his eyes off of her even for a second.
The girl for a moment withdrew her gaze from him and shifted it to the other three. Apparently, she found what she was looking for and looked at him again. She took a shaky breath and slowly began to approach him. Coulson barely noticed that she was moving differently than always, too hypnotized by her large eyes. She stopped a step from his bed.
''I've imagined this day so many times, I was wondering what would I tell you, but now…" she said with voice that wasn't really hers, quiet as if she was afraid that even the slighest noice will make him disappear. ''I have no idea what to say."
He watched her closely, not understanding what was actually happening. If it was not his Melinda, though she looked exactly like her, then who was she?
He didn't speak a word, but the girl seemed to read his silent question from his eyes. She took half a step forward and smiled gently.
''My name is Melissa May-Coulson. And I'm your daughter."
„I hope that I see the world as you did cause I know
A life with love is a life that's been lived.
So I'll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you'd be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah
You're home."
Two hours later, when Simmons and Fitz examined Coulson from head to toe and made sure that everything was okay, the situation calmed down enough to be able to finally talk in peace.
''You missed out quite a lot" – Daisy said sitting on the man's bed, waving her legs like a child. ''S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't work in the shadows anymore, we are expanding and developing all the time. There are also more and more volunteers, I managed to create a really nice team that I'm proud of. And almost nobody is afraid of inhumans. The community accepted us and we gained all rights to a normal life. As for us, we also prosper quite well. Elena and Mack took an intimate wedding in a small church in Granada. They are happy together, they have three sons. Two weeks ago, they went on vacation to the Caribbean. Fitz and Simmons, since we found him four months after we went for a search, are inseparable as always, and their daughter Jo is the perfect combination of both of them. She's now on a trip in Europe. You must meet all these kids, they are incredible."
Coulson smiled gently. He was glad, that his family was growing, happy and safe. And that was the most important.
''And what about you? How was your life going?" he asked.
Daisy sighed. ''Nothing worth of telling, really. I guess I focused on S.H.I.E.L.D. and saving people a little bit too much, and forgot about myself."
''You've changed, all of you. You grew up. I'm so proud of you, Daisy."
Daisy didn't know what to say. She lowered her head and only squizzed his arm, saying "thank you" in her own way.
Coulson didn't want to interrupt this moment, but after eighteen years of sleep he had a lot of questions.
And one tormented him in particular.
''Where is Melinda?"
Daisy looked up and froze, wondering what to answer. She became sad.
''I don't know, if I should-''
''Just tell me. I woke up after almost twenty years, not being older a day and got to know that I'm a father. Is there anything what can suprise me more?"
She took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes.
''Melinda May is dead" she said so quietly he almost didn't hear her.
But he did.
And he was sure, that Daisy heard his heart breaking into a million pieces.
''She died two years ago. I'm so, so sorry, Coulson" she whispered.
He remembered their conversation, they were in the last year at the academy, what would happen when one of them died. They made a deal. If she dies first, he will take her home and give her back to her mother. If he dies first, she will give his body to the academy so that the next generation can learn from it. The deal was honored with a handshake and a drink in their favorite pub.
It's been so many years, and he remembered this conversation as if it was yesterday.
She has always said that she would be the first to go. She was a specialist after all, something could go wrong on every mission. It was always a risk she wouldn't come back home.
She has been preparing him for it, but he had never listened.
And maybe if he had, maybe it would hurt a little less now.
She was the love of his love. And he didn't even get to say goodbye.
''What happened?" he asked slowly and looked at Daisy with absent eyes. She looked down again.
''The quinjet piloting by her got shot down. She wasn't in pain. She died as a hero, doing what she loved."
''I loved her."
''I know. I loved her, too. From the begging to the end, she was for me like a mother I've never had."
''Only yesterday, she was lying by my side, sleeping calmly. I remember her peaceful face. She was so happy, finally free from her demons." His voice broke. For him, only a few hours have passed. He could have sworn that he could still feel the warmth of her body near his.
Daisy swallowed. ''You know, she was the one who really saved you" she said. Coulson smiled and a tear rolled down his cheek.
''She has always been the one saving me. If not for her, I'd be dead a long time ago."
''When she called us, she screamed so loudly that we could barely understand her. And when we arrived, she was resuscitating you, all in tears. In the middle of the night, she sensed something was wrong and woke up the moment you stopped breathing. She was crushing your chest so hard that she broke all your ribs. She was begging Simmons to save you. I've never seen her like this like that day. When it turned out that you would probably never wake up from a coma, she invented it to put you in the ATCU container. She believed that someday we would find a way, that someday you would come back to her. She always believed in you, she never gave up on you."
When she finished speaking, tears were flowing freely across his face, and he had to put his hand to his lips to mute his sobs.
Daisy waited patiently, in silence, letting him vent his feelings.
God, he loved Melinda May so much.
And now she was gone, and though a miracle happened, he will never see her again.
''What am I going to do now? Without her?" he whispered when he calmed down a bit. He didn't know who he was directing his questions to.
''You're not left all alone, you know" Daisy said, smiling gently. ''You have friends, you have a team which did everything to get you back, you have me. And you have a daughter."
He had a child.
He had a daughter.
A piece of him and a piece of her he didn't know about for so many years.
''Melinda… Was she happy about-about the baby?" he asked. The corners of Daisy's lips rose up again.
''She was so busy with you that she didn't notice that she was pregnant until the fourth month. At first she couldn't believe it, she thought she was too old for it. Throughout the whole pregnancy she was saying she couldn't do it, not after Bahrain and not without you. She was afraid that she would not be able to handle it, that she would not be good enough. There was even a moment when she wanted to give Melissa away. But she changed her mind on the day of delivery. When she got a tiny little human in her arms, wrapped in a pink blanket and smiling at her with your smile... How could she not fall in love with her? She didn't even allow the doctors to take her for examination, they had to wait until she finally fell asleep. Despite her earlier fears, she was doing great, and we were helping her as best we could. She taught Melissa everything, she was afraid to leave her anywhere for a few minutes. She was her everything. She took her to her parents after a month, and they also fell in love with her at first sight. And here in the base she has always been treated like a princess. She grew up to be a beautiful, smart agent, just like you and May. She's amazing."
Coulson had to take a deep breath to not to cry again.
''She looks exactly like Melinda her age."
''But she got a smile after you. Everyone says that."
''I wasn't there through her whole life. How am I suppoused to be her father? How am I suppoused to do this without Melinda?"
''Just like she did without you. Beliving in you, in her, and that everything's going to be alright. I think you own her at least that."
''I'm not even in half as strong as her."
''You'll find your strengh in us. In your family."
''I didn't get to say goodbye to her. I didn't say how much I love her."
''You didn't have to. She knew."
''I miss her."
''Me too."
„Oh I'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but I know
A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved.
I hope that I see the world as you did cause I know
A life with love is a life that's been lived."
He was awakened by the creak of a chair that stood by his bedside.
When he slowly opened his eyes, he saw the figure, shyly looking at him. With Melinda's eyes.
''I'm sorry" she said quietly, ''I didn't want to wake you."
''It's okay" he answered.
He looked more closely at her. Although she also had his genes, he could only see Melinda in her. Maybe only her skin was a little brighter than May's. Besides, for him, they were like two drops of water. It was strange to look at a person who was really someone else.
''Are you feeling okay?" she spoke again, ''Do you need anything?"
''No, I'm good. Thank you."
There was silence, neither of them knew what to say.
After a long moment, Coulson decided to gather up courage. He had to stop being such a coward.
He turned on his bed so that he could look at her freely. Hi noticed how she watched his every move, just as Melinda did. As if she was afraid of him at some point.
''I know it's a strange situation," he said, ''For you and for me. But now, when I know I have a daughter… I'd like to get to know you. Of course, only if it's okay with you."
She looked at him again, with her eyes, and for the first time since he met her, her face lightened up with a real smile.
This smile was indeed his.
She nodded, setting her long dark hair in move.
''I'd like to get to know you, too" she answered. He smiled back at her and felt his heart warming up.
''You're so beautiful, just like your name. Your mom chose well." Calling Melinda mom was something new to him, but quickly he realized it was a nice feeling. Melissa blushed gently.
''She was always saying you'll like it."
''Was she telling you about me?"
''Many times. She wanted me to know what a good man you are, how much good you did for the world. She was taking me with her to the chamber where you were kept, to visit you. She was laughing that when you wake up, you'll be boasting to everyone that you're the new Captain America." Coulson laughed softly. It sounded exactly like her. The smile disappeared from Melissa's lips. ''I'm so sorry she can't be here today. She would be so happy."
He stretched out his hand toward her and squizzed her arm gently. She tensed a little at the beggining, but after a moment she relaxed again.
''I'm sure that, wherever she is now, she's looking at us and is happy that we're together."
Melissa took a shaky breath but then smiled again, putting her hand on his. After a while, she bent down and reached for the object lying on the floor.
''There are photographs from my childhood on this tablet. Mom was taking them almost all the time, whatever I was doing, to show you later. Y-You can see them, if you'd like."
Coulson nodded his head. ''I'd like that really much" he said and patted the mattress of his bed with his hand. Melissa hesitated, but she got up from the chair and carefully sat down on the bed. She turned on the tablet with the button and handed it to him.
A small head appeared on the screen with large, brown eyes protruding from a ton of blankets she was covered with. She was looking at the camera with curiosity, pulling her tiny, clenched fist toward it. She was the most beautiful baby Phil had ever seen in his life.
He moved the photo with his finger, and when the next photo appeared, he had to bite his lip to keep himself from crying.
The same tiny human, in a pink blanket, looking at the person who was holding her.
Melinda.
Exhausted, with tears in her eyes and drops of sweat glistening on her forehead, she was looking affectionately at the child she was holding in her arms. Phil has never seen a more beautiful picture.
And then he realized that it was not really a picture, but a video. With a shaking finger, he pressed the "play" button.
''Hello there, little one" Melinda's soft voice was filled with joy and love. ''I'm your mommy. You're so beautiful, Melissa. Wǒ piàoliang de háizi. You're all dad. Your daddy is sleeping now, but we both love you so much. When he wakes up, he'll fall in love with you." Melinda looked at the camera, big smile plastered on her tired face. ''Look, Phil, we have a daughter. She's amazing, just like you. Don't worry, she will know who her father is, I'll take care of it. We'll be together waiting for you. We love you, Phil."
The video was over. And although he didn't want to, he couldn't stop his tears.
When he looked up, he noticed that Melissa was crying too.
''She was telling me all good things about you" she sobbed, her voice trembling with emotion. ''She didn't want me to, but I knew she was blaming herself for what happened to you. But she always believed that you would come back to us. She believed that we would be together again, that we would be a real family. And I'm so sorry that she can't be here now. She died so suddenly and unexpectedly. She didn't take me with her, because it was supposed to be a short and easy mission. And if I flew with her, I'd also be in that plane. I would also have died that day. I miss her so much."
She bursted into tears completely, and Phil did the only thing that came up to his mind.
He rose to a sitting position, approached Melissa, and hugged her as hard as he could. The girl fell into his arms and hid her head under his chin.
They sat there for a long time, swaying back and forth, not speaking, just drawing relief from each other's presence. Coulson began to stroke his daughter's head, until she finally calmed down. She didn't move away from him, for which he was grateful. Holding Melissa in his arms, he felt like he was hugging Melinda. And it was a feeling he needed badly right now.
After a few more minutes, they finally got away from each other.
''D-Do you want to countinue watching?" she asked shyly, pointing at the tablet with the move of her head. ''There are more funny photos now."
He smiled and reached for the tablet again.
The pictures represented Melissa's entire life, from birth to the present. Her first step, first Christmas, first snow, first birthday, first bike ride. And more and more. The little girl on the screen was growing up with each photo.
For him, all this time she looked like a smaller version of Melinda.
Coulson looked at her again.
''I'm sorry that I wasn't there, when you needed me" he said and the girl only shook her head.
''It wasn't your fault you weren't there. You didn't have a choice. And now, when you came back, we have plenty of time to make up for it, right?"
''Yes, I guess so" he said with a smile.
This time she was the one who leaned for a hug.
''Stay with me, please. I don't want to loose you again, not after I already lost mom."
''You won't. I'll stay, I promise."
''Good. I love you, dad" she said quietly. His heart skipped a beat.
''I love you too, sweetheart."
It was true, his heart was filled with love for this little creature hiding in his embrace. And although he actually met her a few hours ago, he felt like he had known her all his life. Because, in some way, he really had.
He will miss Melinda, propably more and more every day, but, just like eighteen years ago, he was calm because he knew she's not really gone, that she's here, with them. And he will be able to look at the part of her in his daughter for long, long years.
„Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
You got to see the person that I have become
Spread your wings
And I know that when God took you back he said Hallelujah
You're home."
THE END