Faceless

The mass of faceless people stared at him and he started away on his guitar. It was the first time in a long time; the instrument felt cold and indifferent. The distant eyes glared at him as he started to play. A twang here and there; the nerves were affecting him. Covers and originals; he played the Shins and two of his own before they started to get restless. He couldn't see their faces, but he knew that they were thinking. He didn't need to know for much longer. They started to vocalize their distain. Jeers for the mass started to make him sweat. The lights got brighter and hotter as his tension rose; he had never had stage fright before. Where were the others? He thought to himself as he stumbled through the fifth song. They got on the verge of contemptible. Restless, they started to move around and before more aggressive. Their demands got louder, their distain got deeper as the lights got brighter. He started to stutter. The guitar wasn't working with him anymore. The hour dragged on until he was in a full sweat and they were on the verge of erupting. He left the stage that night to laughter and hate.

The next morning he woke up to a pale light. Everything was mocking him; the sun wouldn't look at him in the eyes. What had happened? He thought to himself as he stood near the balcony, his head sulking in the light. It was starting to get colder; when he opened the window, a cool breeze rolled in and awoke is body, but his mind lingered. The thought of the previous night haunted him. He could here muted voices in the foyer, but they were not to be understood. He went through the motions, his mind still fixated at that point. Every step he took, he heard himself last night, failing under the pressure. He grabbed his things and went out the door, Simon was driving that morning. He sat n the back seat; when his brothers probed him for answers, he wasn't able to respond. He was paralyzed simply by the thought. The sun still wouldn't look at him. They arrived at the school a few minutes early; Brittney was awaiting him when he returned. She was there always, and never.

"Alvin, who did your show go last night?" She asked him as he approached his locker.

"It could have gone better."

"Don't tell me you choked," she looked at him in a half serious, joking manner.

"I did," he said solemnly as he walked away.

Brittney jumped forward to catch up with him, "Wait, are you alright? Did you really choke?"

He suddenly leaned up against the wall and slid down it, until he was seated, "I did. I choked. They got to me, all of the detractors finally got to me. I can't handle it. We used to be loved, and now-"

"Alvin, there are still people who love you guys," she sat down with him.

"Us, that's the key word. They don't want to see some washed up hack doing meaningful music. It's just not right. I thought, after Theodore got back in the game, I could too. I guess I'm just not as talented as him. His Band is doing great right now, and I can't escape our image. Why can he? Why can't I?" Alvin punched his locker and started to stumble away madly. Brittney followed behind him.

"Alvin, you should be embracing his success and not condemning it. He's doing the best for himself right now and you should just support him."

He turned around to her and she backed away slightly, "I know. That's the worst part. I can't get excited for him. Am I that conceited? Must I always be the best before everyone else?" he sighed and started to walk again, "It's truly over, isn't it?"

She started her pursuit again, "What do you mean? What's over?"

"My career." He walked into class as the bell rang. She was late and she couldn't follow him anymore. She looked around as he somberly sat down and started to take his supplies out of his bag. She started to fret, but walked away when she saw an administrator across the hall.

The day passed without Alvin and Brittney seeing each other. Their second days weren't filled with similar classes. It was taking a toll on them; they seemed to only work well if they weren't able to have time alone to think. Thinking started to be his downfall; he questioned everything that he had worked for in the pat and why he's so convinced to continue forward. He started to walk back home. It was a bright spring day and he enjoyed the weather, alone. His siblings and friends waited for him, but he never showed up at their usually meeting place. Alvin was always quick to be there. They started to walk without him. He beat them there. Walking alone, one has time to be quick.

Theodore found him later that night, "Alvin, what's been wrong with you? Did your show not go well?" They sat together in the kitchen as Theodore was making some coffee for himself and Dave. Dave was upstairs waiting for the coffee and Simon was up late doing some homework.

"We've had bad shows before. That's not the problem, I've just realized that my career is finally over and there's nothing that I can do about it."

"That's not true, Alvin. It's not over. You still have a lot of work you can do and a lot of creativity that needs to be expressed."

He got up and started to walk towards the stairs, "That's not true, Theo. Nobody wants me anymore." As he got to the stairs, Theodore started to follow him, "I'm a teeny bobbing pop start that can't do legitimate music anymore. I can cover The Shins and Fleet Foxes all I want, but it doesn't mean that anyone will want to listen," he got to their room with Theodore in tow. The house was dark, with beams of light peering out from Dave's room and their own. Simon was sitting at his desk writing up a paper. Alvin grabbed his guitar and said, "So it's over, I'm fine with it," Alvin walked past Theodore and started to head down the stairs. Simon got up and walked over to Theodore and they both watched as Alvin descended the stairs.

"Is he alright?" asked Simon.

Theodore started to walk down the stairs and Simon followed him. Alvin was already out the back door as Theodore said to Simon, "I'm not sure, he's been going on about him being done with music," they stopped at the back door and watched Alvin as he started a fire in their fire pit, "I just think he needs time to think," Alvin threw his guitar in the fire and the two ran outside to the fire.

"Alvin! What the hell are you doing?" Theodore said as he got to the fire.

"You know how much that was worth, Alvin? A Takamine doesn't just fall into your lap you know!" Simon said.

"You two just don't understand. My past life is over and I'm starting new. As a phoenix rises from the ashes, so shall I!"

Theodore laughed, "You're acting ridiculous."

Alvin shot daggers at him, "You may laugh, but you don't know how it feels when a part of your life dies. Sometimes you need to have to let the fire burn everything away before moving on," Theodore looked ashamed as the fire died out. The ashes were all that remained.

The three brothers would never forget that night. Alvin kept to his words for almost ten years; he hadn't played a show until much later and under different circumstances. His life was different from then on, just as he said.