At a very young age I had come across the startling realization that I was not good at anything. I wasn't bad but I wasn't great either and just like 70% of the rest of the world's population I was just average. Don't quote me on the percentage because along with being just average I was also a pathological liar. Some people would call me creative or funny but I'm not either, I'm just a 19 year old average pathological lying human of the female variety. I could add a few more adjectives to describe myself but I suppose it's only fair that I let you pick and choose the adjectives that would best describe me. The truth is I'm not really sure how one is supposed to talk about themselves in this way I've never read a biography or an auto biography. By this point you're probably thinking why does a 19 year old girl need to write a story about herself at all well I have a very good answer for you. In my short life I have gained quite a varied amount of wisdom one of the perks of living as an average female individual of the diverse community of Forks Washington. Also to clarify by diverse I' m not talking about ethnic diversity. Forks could be best described as vanilla with a drizzle of caramel (the population of the next door Indian reserve was slowly trickling into forks as well). By diversity I mean the obvious divide in people of different beliefs,status and bank accounts. Because if there was one thing the original members of the Town of Forks cared about it was their trust funds.
"I'm rambling now. This is why I'll never be a writer."
"Why are you talking to yourself?" my mom asks inquisitively from across the table.
"Nothing, hey mom can I ask you something personal?"
She peeks up from her lap top, "Sure" she mutters hesitantly, her reaction isn't surprising personal questions are few and far between in the swan family household these days.
"Why did you and dad separate for two years before you got married?"
"We were too young I guess." She sighs in relief that I haven't brought up the other personal matter but not only am I too scared to straight forwardly ask that question but my mind is occupied with me problems right now.
"So you were trying to find yourself right."
"What was there to find out about myself I just needed to finish university before I could tie myself to someone else."
"So you've never felt out of place like you didn't belong cause I ju…"
My mom interrupts me before I can even finish my word let alone my sentence "Isabella I don't see how these questions have anything to do with your biology homework now shush I need to finish my work and start on dinner."
"Actually mom I'm done my homework I'm just gonna pop by Jessica's real quick"
She grimaces but only tells me to hurry back because Dad isn't fond of the Stanley's. I pick up my purse and get into my car before I start voicing my displeasure. The reason my dad doesn't like the Stanley's is because he screwed Mrs. Stanley as a birthday gift for himself we both walked in on them doing it on his desk at work but it's like she's blacked it out they both have. They both pretend like nothing happened because the façade of being forks finest family is more important than happiness. Truth is I can't even look at Jessica anymore so naive and worshipful of her strictly catholic parents but I pretend like she's my best friend in hopes of one of my parents finally cracking. They don't. It wasn't always like this we used to be happy, we used to care about each other not just the status quo, but the minute Forks started growing and just being the great grandson of the founder of the town wasn't enough to keep you in power as the mayor my parents job became to protect their name not their values. I park the car in front of the all too familiar all too comforting lone CD store in Forks.
"Hey Dipshit haven't see you in a while"
"Hey Asshat, what's up?"
"Oh nothing just insanely sleep deprived I mean I knew baby's take away sleep but who knew pregnant wives did as well" He's smiling as he says this but as soon as he sees my face he just knows.
"Hey come here I've got something that'll make you feel better" He pulls out a CD from beneath the counter as he finishes his sentence. "It just came in today I've been listening to them all afternoon you'll like it."
"Thanks Em," I say as I pick up the CD I read the track list and smile because this is why I love Emmett so much because he knows how fucked up our family is and he knows all I want is to get my mind off of things. "You and Rose should come over for dinner soon I miss you!"
"I miss you too but the last thing Dad would want is to see his failure of a son months before the election."
"Fuck Charlie if anyone's the failure it's him."
"He messed up Bell you need to forgive him, mom did and she was the one that got cheated on."
"I'd forgive him if he actually acknowledged what happened, and by the way you should be mad at him with me you're the scorned son."
"I've got more important things to deal with if he wants to be angry about my career choice that's up to him I know he still loves me and I know he still loves mom, everyone's family is fucked up you just got to learn to live with it."
"Ugh, I thought you'd help me hate him, when did you become so sensible?"
"Since I realised I'm about to be a dad, you're young but you know everything isn't black and white it's only been two weeks since it's happened trust me this is the calm before the storm and when shit hits the fan you'll miss the silence."
"Do you really think they care Em cause from what I can tell as someone who lives there 24/7 is that they've forgotten that it even happened?"
"You know they love each other right?"
"I guess so…"
"Then you should know that whatever's happening right now Mom wants Dad to focus on the campaign because this is his life's work and even if it seems like they're ignoring it they aren't they just make sure you don't' know that something's wrong."
"Em?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you; you're the best brother ever." I give him a hug something we rarely ever do usually our interactions consist of verbal sparring. Emmett's five years older than me but we are so close that our age difference seems a lot smaller than that.
"Ok stop getting so emotional on me I already have a wife who does that." He hugs me back though and I know he'll always be there. "But if things get too suffocating at home just call me and you can come stay with me and Rose ok!"
"Yeah, anyways so Of Monsters and Men huh since when did you start listening to this kind of music?"
"Since an annoying little shit made me listen to Mumford and Sons for my whole summer break two years ago."
"Well seems like this annoying little shit is a really good influence maybe you should buy this said little shit tickets to the Ed Sheeran concert in Seattle."
"Really?"
"Yes!"
"Ok fine!" He smiles and I can't contain my squeals until he interrupts me "I'll let Edward know he should thank you for the free tickets"
"Excuse me where did Edward come in from"
"You just told me to buy tickets for the annoying shit that made me listen to Mumford and Sons"
"Yeah but I thought I was the annoying shit…" I'm so flustered that it takes me a while to even notice the shit eating grin resting on his face, "Omg I hate you I could've gotten an aneurism from the explanation I was about to give."
"I'm sorry but it makes my day to see you suffer a bit"
He ducks before I can swing at him.
"Well you can tell Edward to fuck off cause those tickets have my name on them."
"Well isn't that a lovely way to say hello after such a long time Bella." The telltale creep of embarrassment snakes its way up to cover my cheeks in a god awful redness as I turn around already anticipating Edwards oh so famous smirk.
"Hey Edward…sorry about that" I wave awkwardly from my spot in front of the counter.
"Oh cut the sorry crap swan we both know you've said worse things to me" He chuckles before giving me a hug, and then let's go almost immediately effectively enhancing the most awkward two minutes of my life because what the fuck dude who goes in a for a hug and let's go before the other person can even hug you back.
"That's true Cullen I guess I have nothing to be sorry about after all." And then everything's back to normal. Except it's not because though I've known Edward since I was born though he has been Em's best friend since they were two my sibling like love and sometimes animosity towards Edward ended as soon as he drunkenly made out then proceeded to puke on me at Emmett's wedding six months ago.
But he doesn't bring it up and neither do I because I have bigger problems than dealing with memories of barely there horny drunken escapades with my brothers best friend.