Jacob the Bunny Rabbit
"Oh, man. I'm sorry I gave you those mushrooms," Quil apologized, "I seriously didn't know that they were poisonous." Jacob is having an "issue" with phasing. One-shot, Jacob's POV all the way through.
"Oh, man. I'm sorry I gave you those mushrooms," Quil apologized, "I seriously didn't know that they were poisonous." I
sighed dramatically. "I know it's not your fault, dude. No hard feelings," I reassured him.
I guess I should explain. Quil and I were out hunting, and he found some mushroom, which he gave to me. Which I ate.
Then, we phased and began to hunt. He found an elk, and all I found was a rabbit. Later, we went hunting again, and
something funny happened. When I phased, something felt a bit… different. We both phased back. "What happened?" I
asked, puzzled.
"Well, dude. Um… You know how we, like, turn into wolves…"
"Get to the point, Quil."
"You turned into a pink bunny rabbit."
"WHAT?!"
We ran to my car, and drove to the Cullens' mansion to ask the bloodsucking doctor for help.
"I'm sorry, Jacob. I've never been to veterinary school, so I'm not sure what to do," Carlisle informed me apologetically.
Oh, man. What am I going to do? "What's the matter, Jacob?" asked the most beautiful voice I had ever heard in my life. It
was Renesmee. She was walking hand-in-hand with her parents, Bella and Edward. "Jacob is having some trouble with
phasing," Quil mumbled. "WHAT?!" Edward and Bella asked, stunned, at the same time. Quil looked at the floor and replied,
"Well, I gave him poisonous mushrooms by accident. So, now when he phases, he turns into a cute pink bunny rabbit."
Edward snickered. Bella slapped his cheek. "Edward!" she hissed. "Jacob, did you happen to eat anything else with the
mushrooms?" Carlisle asked cautiously. "Um, I ate a rabbit right after the mushrooms… Hey, you aren't think of making me
eat…?!" I asked, shocked. Carlisle replied feebly, "For now, it's our only option." I sighed. Eating wolf's meat would be
disgusting, but, hey. I don't want to be stuck as a pink, fluffy, adorable bunny forever. Quil wrinkled his nose, "I'll go pick
some mushrooms."
-Later-
"This had better work," I said. Carlisle replied uncomfortably, "Well, I can't make that promise… It looks like Rosalie and
your friend Quil are back." Sure enough, Quil and Blondie were back. She had gone out and killed an innocent wolf while
Quil went out picking mushrooms. "So, how do you want your wolf? Medium, rare, or well-done?" She sneered. I paled. I
hadn't thought about how I was going to eat it. "Jacob, how are you doing?" Bella asked. "Um, I'm doing fine," I replied
weakly.
"YO, WAZZUP!! Jazzy and I came for the show, since Alice took Nessie- oops, sorry Bella- out shopping," roared
Emmet, the largest and loudest Cullen. Oh, great. An audience. Wait a second, wasn't there one leech missing? Like the
mom, or something? "You've got a point, there, Jacob. Esme simply has no real purpose in this story, therefore she is not
present," Edward said answering my thoughts. I shrugged. Fair enough. "It's t-i-i-i-i-i-ime, wolf-boy!" sang Rosalie. Quil
patted my back, and whispered in my ear, "it's ok, bro. I explained the… situation to the pack, and they understand. You
can do it." Easy for him to say.
As I sat down at the table, Rosalie placed two dishes in front of me. Mushrooms, and wolf steak. I took a deep breath, and
wolfed down the mushrooms. It was actually pretty good! Whoever cooked this did a good job. "Thanks, Jacob. Now eat
the meat," Edward said rather forcefully. I pinched my nose, and swallowed the whole thing. I nearly gagged.
"That-was-the-worst-thing-I've-ever-eaten-in-my-life-other-than-Embry's-boxers," I coughed and sputtered. Bella giggled.
"You ate Embry's boxers?" I glared at her. "Try phasing," Carlisle urged. "Ok, but you guys have to close your eyes while I
take my clothes off," I demanded. They did as I asked while I phased. "It's ok to look, guys," Edward told them. "Yay, it
WORKED!!" squealed Emmet, "Carlisle, you're a GENIUS!!" Carlisle smiled. "Jasper, do you have anything to say?" Bella
asked. The emo dude Jasper said, "Uh… not really." That guy creeps me out sometimes.
A/N: That's it. Jacob turned into a cannibal or about 5 minutes, Carlisle was declared a genius, and Jasper was uninterested… as usual. (PS, sorry about the Esme thing for those who like her. I just find her purposeless sometimes.)