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Chapter 1: Watching from the Sidelines
Hatori sat at his desk, eyes bleary with sleep, but mind still focused on the paperwork in front of him. His reading glasses had slipped down to the end of his nose and he took them off for a moment, rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to hold a headache at bay, and then place them back on. He glanced at a clock across the room that read 3:48am and let out a weary sigh.
Already he'd been sitting there for somewhere in the vicinity of 6 hours and to him it seems he still had another 16 hours worth of paperwork to complete by the end of the night. And, if he hadn't known better, he could have sworn that the pile of papers had been growing, instead of shrinking, all night long….definitely not a good sign.
Taking his reading glasses of once more he rubbed at his eyes, trying to wipe the cloudy beginnings of sleep from them and get himself into a more alert, more work ready frame of mind. However, this didn't last long, for about an hour and a half later, he lay with arms folded on his desk and his head lying upon them. His glasses had slipped to the edge of his nose again, though the fact that he hadn't removed them showed that, for perhaps the third night in a row, he'd worked himself into exhaustion, until he'd passed out because of it.
And all the while, Ayame watched from the shadows, through a slight opening in the door. The silver haired man frowned. He'd been watching Hatori for some time now, noticing the doctor's habits of overworking himself, eating very little, if anything while he worked, and sleeping only when he'd fully exhausted himself to the point where he had no choice but to rest…and all of this because of Kana. At least, that was the reasoning Ayame put with his behavior, for he could not think of another that would cause the controlled and orderly doctor to end up like this, day after day, and night after night.
Truthfully it was starting to scare Ayame for, in all the years he'd known the dragon, he'd never seen him act quite like this, no matter what happened. I mean sure, Hatori was known for being a workaholic, but with his latest work habits, workaholic didn't even begin to encompass it.
Sighing almost inaudibly, Ayame slipped into the room and carefully uncurled Hatori's fingers from around his glasses, slipping them from his grasp without waking him, the silver haired man went over and set them on a nearby bookshelf where the doctor would be sure to see them upon waking.
He then went about reorganizing the papers that had fallen and/or been scattered when the dragon had finally fallen asleep. He set them beside Hatori once he had finished and then, let himself just look at the sleeping man for a moment. He looked so peaceful, so unguarded, and so lovable. Ayame smiled at the thought, but it was a smile not of happiness, but of the mix of sadness, bitterness, and longing.
He didn't understand it...why couldn't Kana have stopped blaming herself for Hatori's sake? Why hadn't anyone tried to comfort him afterward? Why had they all let him retreat behind the coldness that was now a protective and constricting wall around his heart? Why? Why? Why?
Ayame knew he could stand there wondering why all night, but it wouldn't change the facts of what had happened and it wouldn't change the way Hatori had chosen to cope with it either. And truthfully, deep down in his heart, the silver haired man knew that he too was guilty of not trying to help Hatori. Truly he'd tried once, but upon being rejected, he'd given up and never tried again...It was his fault just as much as it was anyone else's, and he hated himself for that as much as he hated Kana for leaving Hatori like this, and hated Akito for being the cause of it all. But above all else he thought of it as his own personal fault, for he'd been to afraid of rejection to bother to try again, to give Hatori the love he needed to survive...and now he was left with the cold shell of the man whose pain he could only see when he glimpsed it in secret from the shadows...Now, Hatori was closed off to him and to all of them...all of them save for one person. A person who had managed to melt away the barriers around the hearts of those she spent time with, including Yuki and Kyo.
Tohru, she would help, she had to help, otherwise Hatori may just end up working himself into an early grave and Ayame knew he wouldn't be able to stand it if such happened. And so he reached down and tenderly brushed a few stray black locks from out of Hatori's face, hooking them behind his ear before smiling that sad little smile again. "I promise you that I'll find the spring rain to melt the ice around you and bring you back," he said voice barely above a whisper before he turned on his heel and left the room.
Tomorrow was another day and Ayame had a plan. Tomorrow he would begin the task of helping Hatori become his old self again. He would help melt the ice that imprisoned Hatori's heart, if not for himself, then for another. And even if it took another person, even if Hatori ended up falling in love with that other person, Ayame could still watch him as he'd done when Hatori had been in love with Kana. He would still, watch, and hope, and wish, and love him from the sidelines as he always did.