Chapter One
That bloody tart, Hermione Granger, just came by today. I says to her, bugger off, but she didn't leave this time like she did last time. She passed a bag full of parchment, ink, and quills in my cell, so I says, what am I gunna do wif this, so she says, rite about your life. So I says, Alrigh, now bloody bugger off. That chit thinks she knows it all, but I'm tellin her tight little bum that she don. But I'll do what she says, cause she says that I'll get paid iffin I does. Anything for a few galleons, that's my motto.
Anywho, what else does I gots to do? Sittin here in the pen, you run outta things ta do, so I figures riteins as good as anythin. The Ministry gots me in here on petty cryms charges, but I'm reckonin that theys tryin to get me on somethink else. Theys all biased scum bags, tha ministry is.
That chit says they wants me to write cause I'm a big time war hero, now, seein as I was the one who found ol Voldie's last horcrucks and destroyed it, but I were really tryin to get this real nice necklace, worth a couple hundred galleons at least. When that Potter fellow told me I had Voldie's sole in me hands, I drops that thin like its hot and Potter snap it right up and blew it to smitherreens. So I guess I am a sort of hero, even if I don mean ta be. Which is alrigh by me, seein as all these pretty lil chits jumpin around sayin Oh, Dung, howd ya do it, Dung? Alrigh by me.
I reckon if I'm gunna rite about me life, I otta start from tha beginin, then. Me mum was a fair lady of the red ligh disrict, if you get my meenin, and me dads was Merlin knows who, though a few chaps have claimed me, I ain none too sure bought any of em. Me mum was a good woman, but I don think she ever liked me much.
I thinks perhaps I was the reason she was so miserable and drinkin all the time. But I like it when she drunk, cause she was nise, but if she didn, she was an angry woman. She was fond of the bottle, true, but if she weren, I probly woul be long gahn, cause if she didn drink she was slappin me. I learnt to stay away from me mum as much as I could, witch was probly why I met up with some, shall we say, less than favrible karicters.
Me mum and me lived a bit down the way of Knockturn Alley, so I went there lots. I learnt that those rich fellohs on Diagon Alley didn care much ta see the likes of me, so I stayd round the masters Borgin and Burkes shop, befrendin Mr. Borgin. Tha's what got me ta theevin, really.
Mr. Borgin says to me, Dung, you shoul go an gets me sum things, and so I does. I gets Mr. Borgin some ol cup that I didn think much of, but he gave me 5 galleons, so I weren complanin. That was wen I was bout ten. I gets a few more things for Mr. Borgin til I got me quite a sum oh money saved away. But then me turned 11, and I got me a letter in the post bout goin to Hogwarts, so one of those stuft shirts claymin ta bee one oh me dads comes round an says he'll pay for me schoolin if I wants to go. So I says I'll go, and I does, hoppin the train on a Monday. Thas when I met me future best chum, Sirius Black.
I's in the hall, lookin at some fine gems a chit's got on her nek, sayin her dads gots it fer her fer her berthday, babblin on to this groop of chits round her, thinkin how much a fine neckie like thetll get me bout ten galleons, when Sirius came out with sum bugger wif messy black hair, bof of em fift years. The bugger puts his arm round the chit with the neckie's shoulders and he says, Lily, dolling, when choo gonna realiz how gud I am fer ya? Well, obveeusly, that bout killt the steelin the neckie plan, so I says, bugger it and woks off. Siri must uh spotted me then, cause nekst thing I knows, I is sittin with him and his buds, sippin butterbeer and eatin the best choclut frogs I ever did see.
James and Remus and Pety didn care much fer me, bu then, fue peepel do. Theys all in fift year bac then, an me jus a firs year, bu I didn have no frends but Sirius at Hogwarts. And I neva did get that neckie off the chit.
- - - -
A/N: No, I am not that bad at spelling. I thought it would be better if I misspelled things, since that seems to me how Mundungus Fletcher would write. If yo usee anything in brackets it means, "Use your imagination, this is not the actual word." This story should go by rather quickly, since I have everything planned out. I got the idea for this story whne I looked at the list of characters on clicking on Mundungus F., and finding one story. I was surprised, quite frankly, so I decided to add a bit more to that area. Rated as it is for later chapters. I think you'll be surprised at what happens in this story, so bear with me. Sorry it's so short. R&R!