Apologies
Author's Note: This is a song fic of sorts. The story is based off of the song Apologies by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. The lyrics to the song will be found at the bottom of the story. I hope that you enjoy! Reviews are always welcome!
Disclaimer: I own nothing from J.K. Rowlings, or the song Apologies by Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. I took bits and pieces of the seventh book, but not everything. If you recognize it, then it is from the books…
Ginny was not looking forward to seeing Harry at Bill's wedding. She wasn't sure that she could handle it. She knew that she told Harry that she understood… after all, he wasn't the-boy-that-lived because he stuck around. But that didn't matter… her heart couldn't handle seeing the boy who had broken her heart again… especially so soon after the break up.
Ginny didn't really have a choice though. It sucked when your brother's best friend was your ex-boyfriend. It was also hard to stay mad when your ex-boyfriend is the hero of the magical world. "Ginny, Harry is here," she heard her mother call.
I pushed myself off of my bed, laying the book I had been "reading" down. I slowly walked down the stairs, not really wanted to see Harry when I got down there. "Harry," I said with forced excitement, "it is so good to see you again!"
"Ginny," he said with a smile that I noticed didn't reach his eyes, "how are you?"
"I am good." I hugged him awkwardly, not wanting to let go but knowing that I couldn't hang on.
I managed to escape the room after Ron had come down the stairs and commandeered all of Harry's attention. I went back up to my room and decided to get a head start on all of my school work.
Two hours later, Ginny was pulled out of her concentration by a knock on her door. She opened to door to find Harry standing there. "Ginny, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment?"
Hesitantly, she opened the door to let him in. "Of course."
Harry walked into the room and took a seat on her bed. Slowly, Ginny closed the door before sitting down on her desk chair. "Ginny, I was wondering, how you're doing? I mean, how are you really doing? You didn't seem your usual self when we were downstairs."
Ginny looked at Harry with a look of pure astonishment. She couldn't understand how the boy could be so dense sometimes. "What do you expect, Harry? You broke up with me! I understand… really, I do, but you can't expect me to be happy about it."
"I can't take the chance that Voldemort will use you against me! I couldn't live with myself if something were to happen to you because of me! Ginny, we can't be together… it just isn't safe! You have to understand that!"
"I do understand… it is how you are. But, Harry, you can't expect me to be happy. I will stay away, because you asked me to, but you have to understand that this is how I am now, because if I can't be with you, I can't be the same old Ginny that you are used to."
Harry looked at Ginny with sadness in his eyes. He wished that all of this would go away and that he could be with the girl that he loved and not have to worry about anything breaking them. "I wish… I wish that there were no war, Ginny, and that we could be safe and be together. But as long as Voldemort is out there, he will hurt whoever he thinks is important in my life. I can't do that to you, Ginny. I lov… I like you a lot."
Tears started streaming down Ginny's cheek. "Please, Harry, I will be alright, but I need to be left alone."
As soon as Harry had left her room, Ginny collapsed onto her bed in tears. "I love you too, Harry," she whispered softly to no one." She fell into a restless sleep, making the conscious decision to push Harry Potter from her mind.
~*~*~
TWO MONTHS LATER
It was weird to be at school without any siblings. Ginny missed the security that came with having at least one brother in school with her. Yet at the same time, Ginny found everything to be oddly freeing. There was a noticeable decrease in the number of students that year at school. Everywhere you looked, you could see the effects of war.
There was no cheerfulness to be found in Hogwarts Castle. The Gryffindor common room was perhaps the most depressing place on the entire campus, in Ginny's mind. It was filled with memories of "The Trio", which would, naturally, bring memories of Harry. As a result, Ginny spent more and more time in the library studying. She would go there as soon as dinner was finished and would frequently stay until it closed.
It was in that very library that her entire life began to change. One evening about three weeks into the semester, Ginny was sitting at her favorite table, working on writing her potion's essay. "Damn it!" Ginny exclaimed, upon measuring her essay and discovering that she had a full foot to go.
"Now, now, Weaslette, you know that that kind of language isn't tolerated at Hogwarts!" she heard a voice behind her say.
Ginny turned around quickly in her seat to see Draco Malfoy sneering at her. "Go away, Malfoy," Ginny said, with much venom in her voice.
Ever since Dumbledore's death and Snape taking over as the Headmaster, Death Eater's and their children had gotten away with more than ever at Hogwarts. Ginny knew that it was risky to talk to the King of the Slytherin's in such a way, but she couldn't help it. Never once in her life had Draco Malfoy been nice to her, and his father was directly responsible for her near death experience with the Dark Lord in her first year at Hogwarts.
"Now, now, Weasley, no need to get your knickers in a twist. I was merely wondering what had you in such a rage."
"None of your business." Ginny snapped back, turning her back to Malfoy.
She expected that he would take some points away from Gryffindor before walking away to pester some other helpless student. Much to her astonishment, Draco had taken the seat across from her and picked up her Potion's textbook. "Potions? What is wrong?"
Ginny glared at the intruder and begrudgingly admitted, "My essay is on the Polyjuice Potion. I have another foot to go and I can't figure out what else to write about."
"Did you talk about its effects? It's long-term usage problems?"
"Of course. Despite what you might think, I'm not stupid, Malfoy."
"I didn't say that, Weaslette. I am just trying to help you so that I might get some of my own studying done. I can't study with all of that red hair glaring at me. Did you discuss the ingredients?"
Ginny frowned, angered by the fact that Draco Malfoy, of all people, actually had a valid suggestion. "I mentioned them, but didn't go into detail," Ginny grumbled in reply.
"Did you know that the bicorn is a two-horned beast that survives by eating its virtuous husbands?"
"Interesting," Ginny said, tuning him out while she scribbled hastily onto her essay about everything she knew about all of the ingredients to the Polyjuice Potion. Upon finishing up her essay, Ginny packed up her things and left the library as quickly as she could.
Much to Ginny's dismay, Draco was at her table the next day, and the day after that. Being the stubborn Weasley that she was, Ginny refused to give up her table to a Malfoy. Over the course of the first semester, Ginny and Draco had begun to form a friendship.
On one of those nights, just before the Christmas holiday, Draco breached a subject that Ginny thought that he would never bring up. "So, what is it with you and Scarhead?"
"What?" Ginny asked, stupidly.
"I mean, is he your boyfriend, or whatever? I mean, I noticed at the end of last year that the two of you spent all of your time together, but I haven't noticed any owls or anything from him this year."
"I think that my love is like a blanket, and sometimes it would get a little too warm for Harry. I mean, I know that he said that he broke up with me to save me, or whatever, but these last six years, it has been like this. He was constantly turning away and leaving me alone, coming up with some lame excuse about why we couldn't be."
"Oh, that sucks… I guess… I mean, well, you know…"
"Yeah. I think that I need someone who needs me. You know, I don't want to be left alone all of the time while he goes off and 'saves the wizarding world' or whatever the hell else he does. I want to be a person's first priority, not something that they come to when they have a spare minute."
"Ginny… I have wanted to tell you…" Draco said, blushing a little bit, totally losing the confidence that was normal always on his face. "Ginny, I like you."
Ginny blushed, looking down at the table, "I like you too," she whispered, before looking up tentatively.
The rest of the school year was spent wrapped up in each other's arms. Ginny felt safe when she was in his arms. She knew about his family, and she knew about the things that was expected from him, but she also knew the real Draco. The Draco who couldn't kill Albus Dumbledore, even when he knew his own life was in danger. Slowly, but surely, the feelings that she had still retained for Harry Potter began to dissipate and her heart was filled with only thoughts about Draco.
~*~*~
Outside of the castle, the battle continued to rage on. The Golden Trio continued to search and destroy the horocruxes. At the end of the school year, the Final Battle was finally upon them. Draco took the way that was seen by many as the coward's way out, but Ginny knew the truth. Whatever he did, Draco would be hunted and killed by both sides of the war if he stepped foot onto the battlefield. Plus, he knew the anxiety that was in Ginny's heart. Draco knew that the war was Harry's battle, not his, and that if he were to indicate in any way that the war meant more to him then she did, he would lose her forever.
At the end of the war, when Voldemort had been killed, Ginny managed to get a moment alone with Harry. Harry looked at Ginny with tears in his eyes. "You know, you will always be my friend, Ginny… I hope that I will always be able to say that. You are the first girl that I really loved… You are my best friend's younger sister."
Ginny smiled at Harry sadly. "You were my first love too, Harry," Ginny said softly.
"But there is someone else…" Harry finished for her.
"Yes, there is," Ginny responded, not feeling the least bit remorseful.
"It is in your eyes… you're happy again. I don't think that you ever looked that way when you were with me." Harry looked at Ginny with sudden anger in his eyes. "I don't understand… I thought that you were going to wait for me. I thought that love stays with you… especially our kind of love."
"Oh, Harry, don't be so naïve. I was a first year and you saved me… you can't save me anymore, Harry. You need somebody who needs you, Harry… and I don't need you. I think that you have left me so many times to fight this war that I eventually learned not to rely on you…"
"I didn't even want to fight in this war," Harry snapped. Suddenly his mood changed again and he was sad all over again. He looked up sadly into Ginny's eyes. "You know," he said, "it's funny, but a year ago, if I had been reading through this scene, I never would have believed it. I thought that we were soul mates… I guess what upsets me the most is that I didn't figure this all out before. I always thought that you would be there waiting for me… I didn't realize that you actually needed me to be there for you."
"The world needed you more then I needed you, Harry. You were always there when the people needed you, and that is what is important."
"I guess that it is too late for a soliloquy. I guess that I don't really have any dignity left in this, do I? No. All I have left is to apologize for not being there for you, Ginny. I would have loved you to the end of the earth and back, but I couldn't ever do it in person. I am sorry for that, Ginny."
"It is okay, Harry. The man I am with now, I know, will be there for me whenever I need him…"
"Who is it, Gin?"
Ginny smiled mysteriously to herself before looking up at Harry. "Draco Malfoy," she whispered before turning away to find the man who would never have to apologize for not being there.
Apologies Lyrics:
Yesterday he said my eyes
Were fading fast away
I said well what do you expect
You asked me not to stay and if it had all been for the best
I wouldn't feel this way
And he said
Oh he said it's crazy
How love stays with me
You know it hurts me
Cause I don't wanna fight this war
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene
Of love and fear and apologies
My love is like a blanket
That gets a little bit too warm sometimes
I wanna wrap somebody in it
Who can hold me in his arms
Cause when it got a little too hot in there
He was always stepping out for air and he froze
Oh he froze
He said it's crazy
How love stays with me
You know it hurts me
Cause I don't wanna fight this war
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene
Of love and fear and apologies
Yesterday he looked at me
With a tear in his eye and said
I'll always tell you you're my friend
I hope I don't have to lie
Cause it's clear you love another man
I said you're damn right
And he said
He said it's crazy
How love stays with me
You know it hurts me
Cause I don't wanna fight this war
It's amazing to see me reading through this scene
Of love and fear and apologies
He said it's crazy
How love stays with me
You know it hurts me
That I didn't figure it out before
And now it's too late for a soliloquy
It's way too late for dignity
It's time for apologies
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I know that this isn't my best story… but as thumper says, "If you haven't got something nice to say, don't say nothing at all." I hope that you enjoyed it and that you have a great day!