"How do you always get us into trouble, Doc?" Lorne asked exasperatedly. For once said trouble hadn't led to angry natives chasing them off their planet - because Lorne, Parrish, Cadman and Reed were currently sitting in a tree and the angry natives tried to bring them down. Literally.
"At least I never got you kidnapped by the Genii." Parrish replied with a dark look into Lorne's direction.
"Technically if you hadn't volunteered to help Corrigan and Stackhouse that week-"Reed began but Parrish's absolutely deathly look made him shut up.
"How long do you think they're to need to cut down the tree?" Cadman asked. Her arm was bloody because she had been hit by a spear earlier when she had tried to escape to a neighbouring tree.
"Hopefully long enough that someone comes to rescue us." Lorne answered. Sheppard was going to have a field day with this.
"And by the way I'll have you known that my track record in getting you into trouble comes only third after McKay and Corrigan." Parrish sounded testy when he said it.
"Yeah, well, it has to be hard for a botanist to get a solar system blown up." Reed grinned.
"Don't be like that," Cadman intervened:" Thanks to Davey, we're all married to each other." She grinned cheerily.
"Yeah, you never mention all the good things that happened to us thanks to me." Parrish pointed out to Lorne.
"I had to vow my firstborn to the Javarians, remember that?" Lorne asked dryly.
"Unless you're cheating on me that's not going to happen."
"Too bad, I think you two would have an awesome kid." Cadman giggled.
"I still have scars from that time the Jessen wanted to burn us because you offended their sunflower goddess." Reed reminded Parrish.
"I said I was sorry!" Parrish protested.
"Didn't stop you from touching the Drakensang's sacred plant." Cadman added.
"It's not like they had a sign that said "Touching this plant will be punished with Death"."
"Rand of Helmkin didn't like you either." Lorne continued as if Parrish hadn't said anything.
"That wasn't my fault." Parrish said adamantly. Cadman giggled again.
"It isn't!" He told her. Reed and Lorne shared mystified looks.
"Why? I thought he didn't like you because he thought you were a warlock." Lorne frowned.
"You believed that?" Cadman rolled her eyes. Both Lorne and Reed looked offended: "Do you remember the cute guy with the dark curls and the great singing voice?"
"Garrin." Parrish supplied.
"Garrin, apparently he was a bit too nice to Parrish for Rand's liking." Cadman's grin was decidedly smug and Parrish had a pleased air around him.
"I bet that never happened to McKay." Reed muttered.
"You cut off a leaf of the Marken's singing plant, too." Cadman said before Lorne could ask why Parrish had never cared to tell him the true reason they had been forced to leave Helmkin.
"I'm a botanist, remember? Messing with plants is the reason I'm on this team."
"That's what Corrigan says, too." From about three feet from them, Stackhouse seemed to stand on air. Lorne silently thanked god that it wasn't Sheppard. Stackhouse never gossiped and he could write his report with only mentioning that they needed to be extracted from the planet without mentioning any details.
"Corrigan says it's his job to mess with plants?" Cadman asked just because she could: "I think you hit him over the head once too often."
"I'm not as bad as McKay." Came Corrigan's protest from inside before Stackhouse could reply to her. It had been five weeks but she still wouldn't tell them how her date with Stackhouse went or if there were additional dates. Parrish bet yes, Reed no and Lorne thought that they hadn't found the time for a second date between the nearly daily disasters that were striking Atlantis.
"Now, where have I heard that before?" Lorne asked, grinning at Parrish.
"Bite me, Major." Parrish muttered.
"Maybe later."
"I did not need to hear that." Reed protested.
"Shush, they're your husbands, remember?" Cadman replied gleefully: "Hey, does that mean I can watch?"
"Into the Jumper Lieutenant, or we leave you here." Lorne threatened.
"You're no fun." Cadman pouted but accepted Stackhouse's to help her into the invisible jumper.
Once they were all inside, Lorne joined Stackhouse in the front compartment, leaving Cadman in the hands of Corporal Grix, Stackhouse's medic.
"You were lucky," Stackhouse said once Lorne had sat down: "Five minutes before you Sheppard left to save McKay and Sergeant Miller from m3-5884."
"Save Miller and McKay or save Miller from McKay?" Lorne asked dryly.
"Miller and McKay get along quite well, so I think it was the first option." Stackhouse lowered his voice: "What did your botanist do this time?"
"Why are you always assume that it's us scientist who get you into trouble?" Corrigan complained from the backseat. Stackhouse half turned around to shoot him a very pointed look that sent Corrigan into pouting.
"So, what did he do?" Stackhouse asked again, leaning back but angling his chair so that he could see the back of the jumper, something Lorne didn't miss.
"The usual." Lorne grinned. "It could have been worse. No one tried to make sacrificial soup out of us."
"Someone tried to make you into soup?" Stackhouse asked with raised eyebrows and Lorne suddenly remembered that they had promised each other to keep this story under wraps especially since they had managed to rescue themselves, more or less.
"A very good soup on top of that." Parrish had wandered back into the front of the jumper. Wandered, because Parrish always managed to make his entrances and exits look accidental and even Lorne had, after seven years, not managed to figure out if Parrish was playing him or not when he was doing it. "I wouldn't have objected to eat it myself if we hadn't, you know, sat right in the pot."
"I never heard this story before." Stackhouse looked sceptical as if he didn't know whether Lorne and Parrish were having him on or not. "How did you escape?"
"Parrish cursed the village with crop failure and as if on cue lightning and thunder appeared. The natives took it as a sign from their gods and released us."
"They're one of our best trading partners." Reed added. He and the rest of both Stackhouse's and Lorne's teams had come back to the front. "Those blue strawberries are really worth nearly dying for them."
"The Kievans? The Kievans tried to kill and eat you?" Stackhouse stared at Reed. Lorne and his team all shrugged simultaneously.
"No big deal. Many of the cultures we encounter are wary of foreigners. That's why Davy comes in so handy. Pretty much all of them have agriculture and if that doesn't win them over, he has this neat trick with herbal medicine." Cadman explained.
"Sounds like having a botanist on your team is really handy." There was a speculative note in Stackhouse's voice.
"If you think about replacing me, I'll sic Alex on you." Stackhouse surrendered immediately since Alex was Corrigan's 6'10, CDT best friend which meant he was basically an Australian SEAL, a nice guy generally but among the few who could their own against Ronon and rather protective of Corrigan.
Alex grinned at Stackhouse in a way that was deeply unsettling and let his knuckles crack just for show.
"I was just thinking out loud." Stackhouse said very, very quickly and changed the topic. "Do you want to pick up your jumper now or come back later?"
Lorne exchanged looks with his team before answering. "I think we leave it a couple days. We parked it too near to the village."
"That gives us two hours to kill." Cadman said cheerily. "Anyone up for cards?" That left only Lorne and Stackhouse again, who looked longingly to the back.
"I can fly the jumper as well." Parrish had come back, or maybe stayed behind, Lorne couldn't tell.
"You're sure?"
"I can always need more flight hours." Parrish assured him.
"No PDA." Stackhouse warned them.
"How unprofessional do you think we are?" Lorne asked laughingly.
"I just rescued you from a tree surrounded by angry natives with spears." Stackhouse grinned, making room for Parrish. "I'm sure that's not Standard Encounter Protocol." He joined the group in the back of the jumper, sitting down next to Cadman. Parrish and Lorne grinned at each other when they saw that and Lorne took Parrish's hand in his for a moment.
"We made it." He said, looking into Parrish's eyes.
"We did." Parrish confirmed, squeezing Lorne's hand before letting go. "Home then, major?"
"Show me what you've got, Doc." Lorne replied, leaning back into his seat and watched Parrish launching the jumper into a neck breaking speed while laughter and voices filled the jumper from the back.