Cas and Chuck talk
Cas breathed out, emotions all over the place.
How could his father be dying?
His father...
His father was the master of the universe.
God...how could God die?
His face crumpled a little, his heart breaking...
Sure he had his...opinions...of God, what with Him leaving and everything.
But he and Dean had talked and Dean explained God had left so humanity could find their feet and grow up - He did the same with the Angels.
Cas sighed, shaking his head.
He had always known grace and love - mercy. He knew he had done many, many wrong things. He had killed his brothers and sisters in the name of war. He had let the Leviathans in and even tried becoming God. Not that it lasted long...
Oh yes, he was far from sinless. He had done good too, of course - but it didn't erase the bad.
He shivered, remembering the terror he felt as God was looking and talking to Lucifer.
Oh he knew it was harder on his brother, and truly he was pleased the two had reconciled...but still, he knew as God looked into Lucifer's eyes, he could see him.
He felt vulnerable, and naked - and very ashamed.
Now...after being gone for so very long, God had been back for just days and was now dying!
God was the one who created everyone and everything, and defined what was right and wrong.
He was his father - and despite everything, Castiel loved him very deeply, and wanted things to be right between them.
He gingerly looked over to see Sam talking to him.
Well, if Sam could talk to God, he could...just like him, Sam had tried so hard to do the right things but winded up doing very bad stuff inbetween.
Cas gulped, looking back down.
He closed his eyes and prayed in his head.
"Father...do you still love me?"
"How can you even ask me that?" Chuck demanded, stung.
Cas snapped his eyes open to discover he was now sitting opposite Chuck.
He raised his eyebrows, a little frightened.
"Of course I still love you! I never stopped! Despite everything, you are my child, and I love you deeply, son." Chuck assured, making Cas lock eyes with him.
Gulping, Castiel looked down.
"Yes..." he breathed, "despite everything..."
He heard Chuck sigh and cringed.
"What - what do you see as my greatest sin?" he asked gently.
Chuck didn't answer for a moment, thinking.
Cas looked up slowly, waiting.
"To me at least, you biggest sin was any time you gave up. Not so much when you lost faith in me, I understand that...but when you gave up on helping humans. When you lost sight of the cause. You are a great soldier and your heart is in the right place, but when you lose faith in humanity and think that it was all for nothing - that's what I see as sinful, son. You were made to fight for people - especially for Sam and Dean. That was your purpose in the plan. I created you to be loved by me - to be my child. But ultimately, that was my plan for you. You succeeded, in the end, but not without tripping up a few times and losing the will. The fight TO fight." Chuck answered slowly and carefully, watching for Castiel's reactions.
Cas closed his eyes, and tried to steady his breathing.
"What about all the other stuff I did? Killing...letting the Leviathans in because of daring to open the door you shut...for trying to BE you?" he muttered shakily.
"Well son, I wasn't too impressed, it has to be said..." Chuck replied, shaking his head.
Cas cringed and Chuck sighed, taking pity on him.
"But, trying to be me...well your heart was in the right place, even if your head wasn't. You went old testament on them, and there's a reason why I stopped punishing like that."
Castiel nodded slowly.
"I can't believe that this is real - that you are dying. How can this be real?" he pleaded, heart hammering.
"All things must eventually die, son, even me."
"Yes but not now! Now like this!" Cas argued, getting emotional.
Chuck raised his hand up, silencing him at once.
"I know your scared - I know you're upset...but it is what it is. I don't want to part from life with any hurt between us, Castiel." he said gently, leaning closer and hiding his pain.
Cas whimpered then, almost crying.
"F..father? I - I am so sorry! For all of it! I always tried to do what was right and I tried to keep my faith but I couldn't do it. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me and let things be ok between us?" he begged desperately.
Chuck breathed out, also emotional.
He gently reached out and took Castiel's hand.
"Of course I forgive you. I know you, outside and in, and I know how sorry you are and how much you want things to be right. I love you, son, never doubt that and never forget it! And when I am gone, I want you to watch over Sam. He will be broken with Dean gone. You must be his guardian and keep him on the right track."
Castiel bit his lip, nodding.
Chuck smiled gently and pulled him into a tender embrace.
Cas didn't cry, but was moved by the affection and simply stayed still, enjoying the tranquility of that one, perfect moment.
And then...Chuck was gone, vanishing into thin air.