Disclaimer: All names and characters are a property of their respective owners, I own nothing and I will not make profit of it!
Stargate Atlantis: Parallel Universe
We all know of the Atlantis expedition. Expedition of smart, cunning, brave men and women, who chose to risk their lives for us, left on Earth. For us, who don't even know what' s going on. Well, we never will, but that is not my point. My point is that there are infinite variations of universe... They were smart, cunning and brave in that one alright. Sadly that's not the case in this universe....
EPISODE 1 – POINT OF NO RETURN (part 1)
Stargate Command, Gate room
The expedition is set to go. They're just waiting for General Maybourne to give them a goodbye speech.
Soldier 1: Where the hell is he. He's now 20 minutes late.
Soldier 2: He probably fell asleep, again.
Soldier 1: Like the last time we went on important mission, when he...
At that point Maybourne comes to the gate room.
Maybourne: Ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry I'm late but I was looking for my speech which I wrote, I really did, but then I found out that my dog ate it.
Soldier 3: But sir, you don't have a dog!
Maybourne: Shut up! Or you will be courtmarshalled! And for the record: I do have a dog. It's mean, big and he likes to eat paper.
The Expedition: Yes, sir! We understand!
Maybourne: I'm glad you recognize the truth! Now, back to business! Since I forgot to... Since dog ate my speech, I will be short.
There is a moment of silence in the room, as Maybourne is thinking what would be the best words to say to people who, in his opinion, are probably going to die. Finally he looks like he's ready to say the last words to the expedition before they go into the unknown.
Maybourne: Goodbye!
Soldier 4: Sir? Was that...
Maybourne: My speech? Yes! I told you it will be short!
Maybourne then turns up to Harriman.
Maybourne: You, with the funny glasses. Dial the gate!
Harriman: Dialing the gate, sir!
Stargate activates and people of the expedition start moving themselves and all the equipment through the gate. It is a glorious moment for the human kind as they venture into the unknown, into the city of the Ancients, into Atlantis!
Maybourne: I wonder what is on the other side. Sometimes I wish I could go with them!
Harriman: It can be arranged.
Maybourne: What was that funny man?
Harriman: I said you are to important and should stay here, sir!
Maybourne: Ah, you are right, funny man, you are right.
Meanwhile on the other side:
Dr. Weir: This is Dr. Elizabeth Weir, leader of the Atlantis expedition. We're through!
Maybourne: You obviously are! What is it like?
Dr. Weir: It's dark!
Maybourne: Is it big, majestic? Tell me!
Dr. Weir: I said it's dark! We can't see shit!
Maybourne: Use the lights!
Dr. Weir: Ah yes, the lights! Lights on! (She says it again, this time louder) Lights on!
Maybourne: I meant the flash-lights!
Dr. Weir: Oh! Colonel Sumner! Colonel Sumner!
Sumner: Ma'am?
Dr. Weir: Find me some flash lights!
Sumner: Yes ma'am! Rogers, Bates! Where are those flash lights that we should've mounted on our guns but we didn't since it was deemed unnecessary, by Dr. Weir?
Bates: I have them right here somewhere.
Rogers: Here they are, in these boxes.
Sumner: Take one each.
With the flash lights distributed and working, the Atlantis gate room is now visible.
Maybourne: So? How is it?
Harriman: Sir, we're losing power!
Maybourne: So soon?
Harriman: Well the Pegasus galaxy is quite far away...
Maybourne: Yeah, yeah. Listen Dr. Wierd, we're losing power. We'll have to shut down the gate or the ZPM will be completely drained!
Dr. Weir: Understood! And it's Weir not Wierd! Weir out!
Maybourne: Whatever! Stargate Command out!
Stargate shuts down.
Sumner: OK, boys and girls! I want you to form teams by four. Search the city! Anything suspicious report to me or Dr. Weir! Is that understood?
Soldiers: Yes, sir!
Sumner: Good! Sheppard, you stay here and watch over scientists. Make sure they don't do anything stupid.
Sheppard: But sir...
Sumner: That's an order! Or do you intend not to follow them? Because if that's the case I can shoot you where you stand!
Sheppard: No, sir! I'll watch the scientists!
Sumner: Good! Let's move out!
So the soldiers move out and scientists go check out the control room, where there is plenty of geeky stuff to be worth examining.
Kyoshi: Oh my god! This console is way cooler than my home-made Xbox1440 made out of four Xbox360's!
McKay: Don't touch anything! And stop babbling about your Xbox's. Why don't you find out how to turn on the lights?
At the same exact moment the ligts turn on.
Zelenka (over the radio): Dr. Weir, this is Zelenka, the Czech guy! I have found a light switch!
Dr. Weir: Yes, we can see that! Good work!
Sumner: Colonel Sumner to Dr. Weir! Colonel Sumner to Dr. Weir!
Dr. Weir: This is Dr. Weir.
Sumner: We have a major problem!
Dr. Weir: With Sheppard?
Sumner: Not that kind of major problem ma'am!
Dr. Weir: Oh, I see! What kind of problem then?
Sumner: It seems that the city is under water! Some of the sections are already flooded! I lost eight of my men already! They were not important but still... like I said... we have a major problem!
McKay: Oh no! This is a big big problem! The shield is collapsing!!!
Dr. Weir: So?
McKay(panicking): So???!!! If the shield collapses we will all drown! Like a whale strapped to the ocean floor!!! We will eventually suffocate! Oh so horrible death, we have to get out of here! I'm getting out of here! My god I'll die and we've just come here! I didn't even had a chance to look at all those fancy ancient consoles...!
Dr. Weir: Are you finished?
McKay: I will be when I drown!!!
Dr. Weir: McKay! I need you to calm down and engage in your Techno Babble Mode so you can save us!
McKay: OK, calm down, calm down. Think about the dolphins, the beach and the sea! NO DON'T THINK ABOUT THE SEA! Monkeys! Yes monkeys, bananas, palm trees... OK. I'm calm, I'm calm... (deep breath) Let us see. You there!
He points at a soldier standing a few metres away.
Soldier: Me?
McKay: Yes, you. Take some men, take the naquadah generator then find someplace where you can connect them with the city so that the shields will last long enough for me to write a subroutine into the ancient computer which will rise us from the bottom of the see to the...
Soldier: Yeah yeah yeah! I get it! Osbourne, Fukishita and Balboa, you're with me!
So the soldiers go and mount the generators and McKay is writing a subroutine when suddenly, a child's voice is heard not from the radio but from the preinstalled Atlantis surround sound system.
Voice: Hel... Hello? Can anyone hear me?
Dr. Weir: What the hell is this? Is the city alive? Is there anyone left here?
Grodin: I don't think so Elizabeth, but to be...
Voice: So you can hear me! This is great!
Sheppard: Identify yourself, or we will take action!
Voice: Do you not recognize me? It's me. Zelenka. The Czech guy, you know?
Sheppard: Who?
McKay: Zelenka. The genius who turned on the lights and therefor drained power from the Zed-PM and collapsed the shields!
Zelenka(still with a voice of a child): Hey! It wasn't my fault! The lights had nothing to do with that! It was because of the gate!
McKay: Stop criing like a spoiled child!
Zelenka: Ha, ha! Very funny! (speaks Czech)
Sheppard: Yeah, what's with the voice?
Zelenka: I don't know yet, but I will figure it out!
Sheppard: Do that. Sheppard out!
: Wait! If the ZPM is drained out of power, how are we supposed to dial earth?
McKay: We can't at the moment, that's why someone should go to some planet looking for it and also look for a possible Alpha site if our primary plan fails. Also we should evacuate as many people as possible.
Dr. Weir: Good idea! I would never think of that myself!
McKay: Because you're not a genius. I am!
Dr. Weir: Sheppard take yours and Lorne's team and go investigate and stuff like that. Peter! Find an address of the last planet dialed 10000 years ago!
Sheppard: Ma'am excuse me, but do I and Lorne even have a team? And isn't Col. Sumner in charge of military operations?
Dr. Weir: 1. I am in charge of everything around here!
2. You and Lorne WILL take three soldiers each and go investigate.
3. Colonel Sumner drowned a few minutes ago.
Sheppard: He drowned? Does that make me... a... a... a ranking military officer?
Dr. Weir: We will discuss this when, and if you, and all of us survive! Now go!
Sheppard(over the radio): Major Lorne, report tho the gate room with your team!
Lorne: I have a team?
Dr. Weir: The one you investigate the city with maybe?
Lorne: They're dead ma'am!
Sheppard: Oh, then you don't have one as of yet! Come to the gate room we will find you a suitable team.
Lorne: OK, Lorne out!
Grodin: Elizabeth! I've found the gate address which was last dialed!
Dr. Weir: Good work Peter!
McKay (to Kyoshi): They're calling each other by names. Do you think he's doin' her?
Kyoshi: Probably. Weir likes his English accent.
McKay: That's ridiculous, his accent! Ha!
Kyoshi: I'm telling you! It's the truth!
Lorne comes to the gate room, Dr. Weir assigns him and Sheppard a team, Peter Grodin dials the gate Lorne and Sheppard go through and McKay is writing a program which will rise them on the surface.
Dr. Weir: Peter, shut down the gate.
Grodin: Yes, my lady!
Kyoshi (to McKay): Did he just say...
McKay: Oh god! He did! This is so much a soap opera!
Kyoshi: I hate soap operas!
Mckay: Me to! Anyway, I have completed the program. (over the radio) Hey, you! The one I sent to mount the generators!
Soldier (over the radio): What?
McKay: Are you finished?
Soldier: In a moment! (Moment later) OK, we're done!
Kyoshi: The shields are holding for the moment.
McKay: Great! This will give us enough time to resurface but it will drain the generators almost completely.
Dr. Weir: So what are you saying?
Kyoshi: He's saying (He gets interrupted by McKay)
McKay: I'm saying that if we don't find the Zed-PM we'll have no shields.
Dr. Weir: But we won't need them once we're on the surface, right?
Grodin: Well...
Dr. Weir: Well? What is it that bothers you my lo... lonely scientist?
Kyoshi (to McKay): I'm gonna be sick!
McKay: Me to!
Elizabeth! The prob...
Dr. Weir: Elizabeth?! Elizabeth?! You will call me Dr. Weir! Only Peter here can call me Elizabeth!
McKay: Alright, alright! I'm sorry! So Dr. Weir, theoretically once we hit the surface, shields will no longer be necessary...
Kyoshi: ...but since you send Sheppard and Lorne on another planet...
Dr. Weir: What? Tell me!
Grodin: Lizzy!
Kyoshi and McKay are both like WTF.
Grodin: Lizzy you have to understand!
Dr. Weir: Understand what Sugar?
McKay: Oh come on! Could you please stop with this soap opera shit? He's trying to tell you that Lorne and especially Sheppard are known for stumbling upon trouble. Sooner or later some angry aliens will be in front of our doorstep with guns blazin' and when that happens, shields would come in real handy!
Meanwhile on the planet which was dialed by Grodin and is now known to Sheppard and Lorne as Athos.
Teyla: Run!!!
Sheppard: I AM RUNNING!!!
Teyla: In here!
They find a cave and hide in it.
Lorne: Who are they?
Teyla: The Wraith! They harvest humans so they can feed on them?
Lorne: Feed on them?
Teyla: Not feed feed you know but feed... like... they eat your life essence!
Sheppard: Maybe we should go investigate!
Teyla: I do not think that is wise!
Lorne: We probably shouldn't, Sheppard!
Sheppard: Oh c'mon, it will be fun. Last one beamed aboard buys a dinner!
Sheppard runs out and gets beamed by a wraith darth. Lorne follows. Teyla stays in the cave. Shep and Lorne both wake up locked in a cell.
Sheppard: Looks like we're locked in a cell!
Lorne: No shit Sherlock!
Sheppard: Oh, don't be mad! Isn't that fun? Grave danger, locked in a cell... Enemy territory... No?
Lorne: For me, fun is beating McKay like guys, but since we're here...
Sheppard: Oh yeah!!! That's what I'm talking about! I only wish I had a beer!
Lorne: Me to!
A disgusting figure approaches the cell... two more follow. They are the Wraith.
Sheppard: Who are you?
Wraith: Silence! You will come with us. Take them!
The two wraith warriors grab Sheppard an Lorne and drag the out of a cell.
Lorne: Where are you taking us?
Wraith: To our queen where you will be questioned and then fed upon!
Sheppard: Don't you need to cook us before you do that? You know we won't tell you anything!
Wraith: Make fun all you want! But our queen can be very persuasive, not to mention how hot she is!
Lorne: Based on how you look she's probably a real beauty!
Wraith: Insult my feelings and my queen again and I will fed upon you myself!!!
Lorne: Jeez we're touchy!
The wraith drag them down the disgusting corridor into a big chamber where this red haired wraith chick is standing between two bodies who look like 100 or more years old.
Sheppard:What the hell is that?
Wraith: Our queen!
Sheppard: I got that. I meant those bodies. What's with the bodies?
Lorne: They have been drained of life. Fed upon!
Queen: Bring them!
They are brought before the queen.
Queen: Who are you!? Where do you come from!? Tell me!!!
Lorne: I am Vader and this is Palpatine. We' re of the Sith.
Queen: You lie! The Sith have light sabers. You didn't have them when you were beamed here!!! Now tell me!!!
Sheppard: He already told you...
The wraith warrior kicks him in the face.
Queen: Tell me or die!!!
Lorne: You still think this is fun?
At that moment Lt. Ford comes in with a few soldiers and kills the three wraith, Sheppard grabs a wraith stunner and stabs the queen.
Queen: AAAAGGHHHHHHHH! You fools! You don't know what you have done! We are only the caretakers for those who sleep! But now they will all awaken, then they will find you and fed upon each and everyone of your people! For you this is POINT OF NO RETURN!!!
Sheppard pushes the stunners blade deeper into the flesh of the queen.
Sheppard: You are mistaken. For us this is POINT OF NO RETURN part 1!