Title: Swarmed
Author: mysticalweather

For the Dan/Jan Ficathon. Recipient's name: SaraC
Challenge: 1) some reference to "House, M.D." (or characters in it), 2) kisses, 3) snarky Jack and Daniel banter over Janet (and Sam if you wish), 4) creative use of Daniel's 'green bandana'

This is for you SaraC, hope you like it.

"So, you're ready to go then?" Janet asked as she and Daniel stepped on the elevator.

Daniel nodded. "We had our mission briefing this morning and we're scheduled to leave in fifteen minutes."

"Be careful."

She had that look in her eye, the one she always had whenever he went off world. The one she had whenever she worried about him coming back in one piece. It had been bad enough when she was his doctor, but now that they were officially together, that look had taken on a whole new meaning.

"It's just a routine mission," he reassured her.

"Still, be careful."

"You always say that."

"I always mean it."

"I know," he said, leaning down to capture her lips with his own.

"Woah!" came a surprised voice in front of them.

Daniel and Janet jumped apart at the unexpected intrusion. Daniel could feel his face flush as they walked into the hallway, embarrassed that neither he nor Janet had even noticed when the doors opened. Jack could've been staring for a full five minutes, for all he knew.

"Well, I'm glad to see someone is making productive use of time spent riding on this thing," Jack said with an exaggerated wink as the door slid closed.

"I don't think we'll ever live that one down," Janet said as they started walking toward the Gate Room.

Daniel gave her a small shrug and a sly smile. "Yeah, but it was worth it."

So much for this being a routine mission.

"Sir, you're standing right on top of the nest."

Leave it to the Major to state the obvious.

"Thank you, Carter, I can see that."

"Just stay perfectly still, Jack," Daniel said.

Great. Wonderful. The one thing Jack found nearly impossible; his mind and body were always far too active to remain in one spot for long. What made things worse was the cloud of angry alien insects swarming around him. Yup, this had all the makings of a bad sci-fi movie.

And then he felt it...one of them was crawling on the back of his neck. Jack closed his eyes and gritted his teeth in an attempt to remain still. Talk about torture.

Seconds before giving in and swatting at the insect, he felt a jab of pain and the sensation of pinpricks spreading across his neck and shoulders.

So much for standing still.

The next few seconds flashed by in a complete blur. He darted off the alien bee's nest, swatting at them while he ran away as quickly as his protesting knees would allow. Sam and Teal'c took the opportunity to zat the cloud of bugs that had surrounded him, and Daniel had whipped off his green bandana and was collecting a few of the fallen insects.

And then all was lost to Jack as the burning pinpricks that had spread throughout his body seemed to fade away, leaving nothing but darkness.

"What happened?" Janet asked the second Daniel and Teal'c arrived through the Gate with an unconscious Jack in tow.

"Alien insects," Daniel replied as he and Teal'c handed Jack over to the medical team that was standing by. "We were on our way back to the Gate and we stopped to rest for a few minutes. We had no idea he was standing above an underground nest until it was too late."

Janet nodded as she checked the colonel's vital signs.

"He was stung in several places and passed out soon after," Teal'c added.

"Get him to the Infirmary," Janet ordered the medical team. "I want tests run on the bites." As the medical team hurried off Janet turned her attention to the rest of the team. "Was anyone else stung?" she asked, eyeing Daniel suspiciously.

"No, but we did manage to zat a few of the bugs and bring them back with us," Sam said, holding the green bandana up for the other woman to see. "Just in case..."

Sam didn't need to explain any further.

"Right, we've been down this road before." Janet couldn't help glancing over at Teal'c. After his experience on BP6-3Q1, they knew all too well how dangerous alien venom could be. "I'll take them to the lab and have the techs start the venom analysis. The rest of you get up to the Infirmary."

"What can you tell us, Doctor?" Hammond asked as he leaned over the Briefing Room table.

"He's awake now, Sir, albeit groggy. It appears that the alien venom acted as a powerful seditive, effectively knocking him out."

"What about any other effects?" Daniel asked. "I talked to him a few minutes ago, and he seemed a little...off."

Janet nodded and gave him a small shrug. "I thought so too, but it's hard to say for sure what we can expect. An alien chemical has been introduced into his body, and it could be as harmless as a bee sting or it could rewrite his DNA. For now, I'd like to keep him here for observation. If he suffers any other after effects from being stung, I'd like to monitor them."

The General nodded in agreement. "That seems wise given our past experience. And until Colonel O'Neill is cleared for duty I'm putting SG-1 on stand-down. Dismissed."

"Jack's not going to be too happy with that," Daniel commented as he helped Janet gather her notes from the table.

Janet gave him a wry smile. "That's why it's not up to him."

"You can't tell me you don't see the similarities between them."

Daniel looked at Jack and shook his head in amazement. There were times when Jack's unique point of view gave Daniel a greater insight and understanding to the world...and then there was now.

"Well, seeing as how I have no idea who - or what - 'Cuddy' is, no, I can't say that I do see the correlation to Janet."

It was Jack's turn to shake his head and sigh. "You know...Cuddy! From House..." he trailed off, as if Daniel should immediately catch the reference.

"Oh, of course!" Daniel said, sarcasm in his voice. He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "Now it all makes sense."

Jack looked at him with disbelief."You mean you've never seen House? Daniel, do you ever watch TV?"

"Do you ever do anything else?" Daniel countered.

Ignoring Daniel's remark, Jack continued, "House is a medical show, Cuddy is the head of the hospital...and let me tell you, she runs that place just like Fraiser runs the Infirmary."

Jack's complaining tone wasn't lost on Daniel. "Let me guess, you're upset because Janet still won't clear you for active duty, right?"

"It's been three days! If the damn bug bite did anything other than give me a good night's sleep it would've happened by now."

"And you told this to Janet?"

"Yeah, and she said that ever since Teal'c's little...incident...they have to take "extra precautions" with alien venom."

"Did she say anything else?"

"Just some crap about me being blunt and irritable and that she needs more time for all the test results to come in."

"Well, Jack, you do have a point."

"I...do?" Jack said, his eyes sank in confusion. Clearly, he'd been expecting Daniel to side with Fraiser.

"Well, if irritability was a symptom, then you've been infected since we met."

Jack narrowed his eyes and smirked at Daniel, "Funny."

"How are you feeling today, Colonel?" Janet said as she and Carter entered the room.

"Fine. Well. Able to work..."he opened his mouth to say something else, but stopped short as he trained his gaze on Sam. "You have pretty hair," he commented in a faraway tone.

The Major's eyes sank in bewilderment.

"And eyes," he added.

"Uh, thank you, Sir," Sam said, exchanging confused shrugs with Daniel.

"Colonel, your test results came back," Janet said. "I'm afraid I'll have to keep you here a while longer."

"What? Why?"

Janet put her hand up to silence him. "I'll explain as soon as the General and Teal'c get here."

"We are here, Doctor Fraiser," Teal'c said from the doorway.

"What's this all about, Doctor?" General Hammond asked.

"The venom is dissipating from the Colonel's blood stream," Janet began.

"Isn't that good?" Sam asked.

"Yes, but the tests I've been running show that as it dissipates, it leaves behind a non-persistent chemical in the bloodstream for a short amount of time."

"That still doesn't sound all that bad," Daniel commented.

"No, in fact, within two days the venom and the effects of it will be completely gone. However, the non-persistent chemical I mentioned is still having an effect on the Colonel...I've noticed in the past couple days he has been unusually blunt and spaced out at times, even for him."

"Hey!" Jack complained, but didn't argue further.

"The chemical's composition indicates that it acts like an inhibition blocker...a type of truth serum, if you will."

The General nodded in understanding. "If he were to go off-world and get captured..."

"He would be a security risk," Teal'c concluded.

"It'll only be a couple more days," Janet said. "And from what I can tell, the less active you are, the faster the chemical will leave your body. So, until then, we'll let you get some rest."

"General," Jack called as Janet began to usher his friends out, "Sit down for a minute, we should talk about the need for higher security measures in the elevators, there are several things I've been witness to, the most recent of which happened just prior to this mission..."

Janet and Daniel exchanged shocked looks as the General walked back over to Jack's bed.

"I have to insist, General, he needs rest," Janet interrupted, turning to give Jack a hard Look. He gave her a smug smile in return. Truth serum or not, he knew exactly what he was doing. Janet turned her attention back to the General. "You can talk later when he's out of danger." She didn't add that the danger he was in was from her.

Jack sighed as he watched Janet and Daniel link arms and walk away. "Hey! Can I at least get a Play Station?"

The End