I can feel the waves rolling on the shore.
Gently lulling me, as I stare to the great sea.
Ever blue,
open, a bit frightening - the mist in the air is making it difficult to see. I do belong here,
to the land where the waves roll from day to day.
The mist will not disappear,
not until I find my destination.
Maybe it's inside my head. I don't know what I want from myself.
If I left now, I wouldn't get anywhere, the mist would get me cornered and I would just end up here again.
I slowly tap the sand out from my worn-out sneakers,
and tie them up again.
I rise to my feet,
and quietly turn my back to the sea.
One month ago,
I could just have walked in the waves,
and let them finally take what they wanted.
I was an adult with a child's mind, not yet ready for the hectic pace and the rules of that world of grown-ups.
Completely getting lost, lacking common sense, doing regrettable things.
I don't really remember anything about those times anymore,
the pressure was building up,
going over limits,
until everything shattered.
The pieces of what used to be me are very small,
now scattered around in my consciousness.
I am afraid of them. I don't want to find them.
Days spent in darkness,
in my safe little hideout where the world couldn't touch me ended.
Instead, another story began with a whistle of an old-fashioned steam train.
I bounced up and down on the wooden bench of that steam train.
The numb feeling was still filling my body,
but not as overwhelming as before.
Somehow calming, my fear started to fade, just a little bit.
A familiar feeling of childlike excitement went through me.
I started to examine my surroundings, touching things and listening to the voices of the others in the carriage.
The smooth and sturdy surface of the wood under my hands, the smell of bubblegum and bad breath. Somehow, the world seemed much broader than before. So many things I wouldn't usually even notice.
"Hello, dear, is this seat free?"
I was too concentrated on my new observations, that I didn't notice him at first.
So, there he stood, proud and with an unnaturally wide grin. A cat, a lot shorter than me,
with very narrow eyes - but that grin! I hadn't ever seen such an expression before.
"Um... I guess it is", I answered before I even thought about it.
"Excellent", he said and slid himself onto the opposite bench with one quick motion.
I felt a little nervous, but attempted to keep my face straight.
"You're looking great today, Miss", he said all of a sudden. It was a bit unexpected, but somehow I lost my uneasy feeling and decided to put all in this little game of ours. "Thank you", I said, and attempted to smile at him. Something was changing, I could already feel it.
"May I ask, where are you headed? You must be one of those hipster kids who travel a lot, want to see the world", he asked friendly.
"Not really, it's been such a long time since I last traveled like this", I sighed. This was easier than ever before, relaxed.
"And what about the location? Of course, you don't have to tell me, sorry if I invade your privacy too much.
"Cherhill", I answered quietly.
"Wow, really? One of my favourite places, really good people there." He stopped for a moment, looking out from the window. Time was passing a lot quicker when you had someone to talk with.
"But, still, that place's sorta quiet. Not very much to do", he continued with a puzzled expression.
"I'm pretty sure it'll do just fine", I said.
"Well then, if you're sure about that". Another break in his almost constant talking.
"Just one last question: what are you planning to do in Cherhill?"
"Actually, I'm moving."
A shocked expression on his face, then diverting back into the usual grin, this time accompanied by a hearty laugh.
"Moving to Cherhill? Well, that's certainly an interesting choice", he laughed.
"... They sent me there, to rebuild myself", I whispered. Those words sounded cold, frightening. I was a broken toy that were to repair itself.
The ward. They tried to help. But somehow, I also felt that I was just an object, an accomplishment to be made. They wanted to help me to feed their egos. No, I know it isn't that way, but something in their attitudes irked me. Nah, just forget about it. This shit is getting too complex. I should just leave that behind and start over. This is my chance. I will not give up, not yet!
"Station of Cherhill! Now arriving to Cherhill!"
The train slowed down, until completely stopping to the station.
"We're already there?!" Rover exclaimed, swinging his back paws on the air. I stood up from the bench, and took my bags from the shelf hanging above me.
"It was a pleasure meeting you", I said with a shy smile. What a silly little cat he was, being this open for an unfamiliar person. He must get friends easily. It wasn't just a compliment, it really felt nice to talk freely with someone.
I walked to the doors of the carriage. For my suprise, Rover also stood up.
"Hey, one last question, Miss! May I have your name?"
"It's Nana. Sakamoto Nana."
It had already begun. I could feel it rushing through me. The waves were changing.