Pairings:
Jay/Alex
Jay/Emma
Jay/Spinner
Jay/Jimmy
Jay/Toby
DISCLAIMER: Nothing is mine except for the names of the kids and Emma's hubby.
Realizations
"What are you doing here?" Jay tapped the blonde on the shoulder and turned around to see Emma's older, but still beautiful face staring back at him. He remembered the eyes like he hadn't seem them in years. In reality it had been so much longer than that though. She was two years younger than him, so she had to be about 22 or 23.
"I'm hear to meet my husband from work. He's a surgeon."
"Husband?" Jay asked astounded that there was actually someone out there good enough for Greenpeace.
"Yeah. His name is Jason, ironically enough." Emma seemed reluctant to divulge that information.
"Can't keep away from us Jason's can you?" Jay asked with a big grin on his face.
"Whatever." Emma brushed off his vulgar comment, wishing he'd just go away.
Jay noted the expression on his face, and realized that it was time to apologize to Emma for everything that happened back in high school. "Look, Em." He started unsurely.
"Emma." She corrected him.
"Right, of course. Emma. I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For everything."
"I don't believe you." Emma said arching her eyebrows.
"Well you should. I've changed. It's been nine years since I was kicked outta school, and its been nine years of maturity. Back in high school I was a jerk. A big horny jerk that had no thought for anyone but myself. I treated you and so many others like shit and I'm truly sorry, OK? For everything I ever did to hurt you."
"Do you know what?" Emma said in a small voice.
"What?" Jay asked, fearing a rebuff.
"That sounded genuine."
"That's cuz it was!" Jay said smiling proudly.
"Why are you here anyway?" Emma asked, conjuring up all manner of reasons in her head.
"Alex." Jay answered monotonously and Emma couldn't figure from his tone what he meant.
"Is she OK?" Her voice sounding genuinely concerned.
"Yeah!" Jay began smiling again, but this time it was a happy, delighted smile. "She just gave birth to our second."
"You have two kids?" Emma sounded shell shocked.
"I know, pretty amazing, huh?" Jay sounded dazed. "We got our little girl, Daniela who's two and a half, and our new little girl born yesterday. Doesn't have a name yet." Jay got his phone out and showed Emma a picture first of the toddler, Alex's dark complexion, Jay's striking blue eyes and a mixture of the two's dark straight hair, then a picture of a tiny baby with her eyes screwed shut and a head of familiar looking dark hair.
"Oh my God she's tiny!" Emma gushed.
"She was three weeks premature. Like her sister." Jay said sadly.
"Well they're both beautiful children. You and Alex are lucky."
"Hell yes I'm lucky. After her time with Paige, I thought I was doomed. But... I got her back."
"Must be that irresistible Hogart charm."
"Exactly." Jay chuckled light heartedly.
A man dressed in navy scrubs was approaching. He was young like them, mid twenties, fair skin, brown hair, not too tall, not too short.
"Hey baby, who's your friend?" The man stopped at Emma and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
"Jason!" Emma hopped up on her tiptoes and gave him a dignified kiss on the cheek. "Uh, this is an old friend from high school."
Jay held out his hand and greeted this new Jason. "Hey man, I'm Jay."
"Nice to meet you man, Jason." He introduced himself formally. "You ready to go Emma?"
"Sure." Jay wasn't sure if he was imagining things, but he was sure he detected a hint of sadness and reluctance in Emma's voice. She bent down and picked her handbag up off the floor before turning to Jay with a small half-smile. "Congratulations on the baby, Jay. I'll see you again, maybe..."
She turned and Jason linked his arm around her, his hand coming to a rest on her ass.
"Bye, Greenpeace." Jay whispered as she walked down the corridor, and turned a corner, out of sight.
- - - - -
Jay stood by the elevator waiting for what seemed like hours, and it still didn't arrive, so he decided to take the stairs. He descended the stairs quickly. He scaled three flights of stairs in a short time and as he turned to go down the fourth set, he ran slap bang into a familiar figure. He was bald like Homer Simpson but thin and gaunt like a beanpole.
"Hey Spin, I haven't seen you for... ages. What are you doing here?"
"Check up." His voice was weak and flat.
"Check up?" Jay asked, unsure of what he was referencing.
"Cancer came back." Spinner replied, showing no sign of emotion.
"Oh God man, I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. It's not like you caused it." Spinner said, making eye contact for the first time.
"Yeah. About that. All the stuff that happened in high school. I wanna apologize."
"Jay, I'm not in the mood for your crap." Spinner said, sighing heavily.
"I'm serious, Spin. The Rick thing, getting you expelled, loosing you all your friends, screwing up your life. It was my fault. I'm sorry."
"How come you've had a sudden attack of conscience??" Spinner said slowly.
"I saw Greenpeace this morning, too. I need to make amends before I go back to BC."
"Why, you scared the plane'll crash if you got a guilty conscience?" Spinner asked, looking to the floor again.
Spinner was harder to get forgiveness from than Emma, and Jay wasn't expecting it to be such an uphill struggle.
"Spin, I just wanna clear the air. So I know we're cool again, no hard feelings. I am genuinely sorry. I've moved on from that dickhead I was in college. I've got two kids now. Me and Alex, who'd have thought it, eh?"
"Do you want a round of applause?" Spinner shot back sarcastically.
"No." Jay said solemnly. He knew Spinner was going to make him pay for this. "I just wanna know that there are no hard feelings." Jay repeated.
Spinner took a deep breath, then looked up. "Have a good life, Jay. See you another time." He shuffled off in the opposite direction, clutching his side as he moved.
Jay watched him go, and felt a sickening lump in the back of his throat rising. He swallowed it down and tried to ignore the temptation to be sick.
- - - - -
"I saw Spin." Jay told Alex. He stood at the window soaking up the sun that was filtering in through the glass. He held his little girl in his arms and stared down at her with a look of content and jubilation on his face.
"Where?" Alex asked wearily. She was leaning back on her pillows, her eyes drooping.
"Uh, cancer ward. His cancers back." Jay said sadly.
"Did you have a nice chat?" Alex said as if she didn't hear Jay say Spin's cancer was back.
"Yeah..." Jay confirmed, half truthfully. He had apologized to Spinner, and he wasn't sure if Spinner had 100 bought it, but he'd done as much as he could and even if Spinner wasn't totally forgiving, he knew that Jay was sorry. And that was better than how he'd left things with Spinner when he ditched Toronto for British Columbia after getting Alex back.
"That's good..." Alex said quietly. Jay turned to see her eyes had completely closed and she was sound asleep. He looked from his new baby to his fiancée and relished in the fact that he was happier than he'd ever been. When he took Alex and the new baby home tonight, to their own apartment, and Alex's mom bought Daniela back round, he'd have his own little family all together. He couldn't wait.
"Mr Hogart?" A nurse entering the room broke his chain of thought.
"Oh hey." Jay whispered.
The nurse smiled kindly. "The nursery is ready for your daughter now. Looks like both your special ladies are in the land of nod now."
Jay smiled and nodded in agreement.
He followed the nurse to the nursery to place his daughter in the crib so she could sleep before he took her home that night. He gently kissed her forehead and headed down to the gift-shop on the ground floor to get Alex something.
- - - - -
He stared out of the window as he waited in line to pay. Outside, there were hundreds of people flitting too and from the hospital. He thought he saw a recognizable figure walking towards the doors, but he told himself it couldn't be him. For one thing, it was just too weird that such a high number of people from Degrassi would be in the same hospital at the same time on the same day. And another, the last time Jay had seen this guy, he didn't have the use of his legs.
He got to the end of the queue, payed for his things, then headed out to the elevator. "Jason Hogart?" A deep voice called him over.
He was right! "Jimmy." Jay looked up at him. When he was out of his wheelchair, Jimmy was way over six foot, taller than Jay.
"I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me." Jimmy said dryly, his voice dripping in sarcasm.
"No, it's me." Jay said unsurely, feeling like he was swimming with sharks.
"What are you doing here?"
"Alex has just had our second baby. A little girl."
"Oh. Congratulations." He said in a similar sarcastic tone to Spinner.
"What about you?"
"Routine check on the old spine. You know, the one I got a bullet through cuz of you."
Jay knew this one was gonna be hard. "About that man, I'm so, so sorry. I really am. You don't know how sorry I am."
"How long have you been practicing that one?"
"I mean it, Jimmy." Jay insisted, feeling useless. Jimmy leaned forward resting on his crutches. "I hate what I did. It was stupid. So stupid."
"Yeah it was." Jimmy confirmed bitterly.
"But I've changed. I've got two daughters now. And I own the garage, and me and Alex are gonna get married next year."
"Well it sounds like you got everything you wanted."
"How about you? How are things?" Jay tried not to sound fake.
"Me? Single, renting a place. No kids, no girl, no job. Life's peachy." Jimmy said angrily.
"But at least you're walking again, hey? That's gotta be a weight off your shoulders, right?"
"It's one pro against about a million cons. It's mediocre." Jimmy shot back.
"All I can do is ask for your forgiveness. If you're not willing, then at least I can say I tried. I am truly sorry for everything back in high school, but it was a long time ago."
"That doesn't make it OK!" Jimmy spat incredulously.
"I know! I know, that's not what I meant!" Jay insisted. "I gotta get back to Alex, but once again I am very, very, so sorry for what I did. I hope in time you'll realize that."
As Jay was on his way back to Alex, he saw yet another familiar face sat in the café. He headed over, and his target spotted him from afar.
"This is the last place I expected to see you." Jay observed. Toby still looked frightfully nervous being around him, and that triggered unheard of emotions in Jay.
"Yeah, uh I haven't seen you in... years." Toby stuttered shakily.
"I've been in BC." Jay explained. "Me and Alex have just had another baby. That's why I'm here. She wanted both our kids to be born in our 'homeland'. We go back Friday."
"Both your kids?"
"Yeah, two girls. Daniela and No-Name." Jay smiled. Toby could tell by the wistful look in his eyes that Jay was quite possibly the proudest father in all of Canada.
"That nice." Toby was lost for words. "I'm training to be a doctor."
"I'd never have thought it. I thought you were a computer nerd?" Jay asked insensitively.
"Ha, thanks!" Toby seemed to be loosening up. "I got stuck in a rut. I needed a new direction. I applied here and it's been the making of me, it really has. I even got a girlfriend."
"Woah, Toby Isaacs the stud!" Jay laughed.
"Her name is Sophie. She's perfect." Toby said happily.
"Well good for you man. Listen I gotta get back to Alex, but before I go I just wanna say I'm sorry for everything that happened in the past, at Degrassi. I was a jerk back then, and now I'm ashamed when I think back to what I did with Rick..." Jay trailed off, not wanting to finish his sentence.
"It's OK man. It's been nearly ten years. I think you paid for it anyway."
"Well, thanks man." Jay felt he'd accomplished something, and he was proud of himself. "I hope all goes well with the job and the misses. I'll catch you later." Jay shook Toby's hand then turned to return to Alex on her ward.
- - - - -
That night, Jay and Alex took a slow ride home to Alex's mom's house, with newly named Zara in her car seat in the back. Alex had the phone glued to her ear listening to little Daniela babble nonsensical phrases down the phone to her.
"Jay, Daniela says hello daddy!" Alex announced, turning the phone to loudspeaker.
"Heyo Daddy!" Daniela's voice came from down the phone. Jay and Alex smiled at each other. "I got a sister daddy!"
"You sure have, baby! We'll be there in ten minutes OK? Be good for grandma!"
"Daniela, can you put grandma back on the phone? OK... I love you too... bye! Hey mom." Alex turned off loudspeaker and chatted to her mom for a while.
Every few seconds, Jay took his eye off the road to check little Zara was safe. He'd done his best today to make amends with those people he'd screwed over in the past. Everyone had moved on, with the possible exception of Jimmy and Spinner, but those were the two people he expected to get a hard time from, so somehow that made things easier.
When they got home, Alex and Emily were transfixed cooing over new baby Zara, while Daniela played contently with her toys. Ellie and Sean were there too. Jay could see that Sean was getting slightly panicked by Ellie's new found brooding.
While everyone was distracted by the baby, Jay took five minutes to go upstairs to the spare room where he, Alex and the kids were temporarily staying. He unzipped his duffel bag, rooted around to the bottom, pulling out random garments as he did so, until he found his hat at the bottom. He flattened out the peak to its former glory and put it on, the rim of the material feeling comfortable around his head. It was familiar and comforting to wear a hat. It had always been part of him. He looked at himself in the mirror. Twenty six years old and he still looked the same as he had when he was seventeen.
A few more years of experience and life etched into his face, that was all he could place as different. Clothes? Black backwards cap, black tee and jeans...
Some things would never change...
What did ya think to that? The idea just came to me and I wanted it out! So here it is!Please R&R!