What He Meant to Say
Authors Note: You know, I kinda like this one. Tim and Dally are just so freakin' interesting together. This is in Tim's pov. Also, this is my first full on try at second person in years, so let me know how I did.
No one really understands the relationship the two of you have. People have words they use to describe it, but there's no way they understand it. It's complicated and messy, and you've spent the better part of your life trying to figure it out. There's no way someone can just walk up to the two of you and just get it.
Some say you're friends.
You'd say they're wrong.
Friends don't slash each other's tires, sleep with each other's girlfriend's, or beat each other in hopes of seeing blood and broken bones.
Some say you're enemies.
That's not even close.
Enemies don't help each other up from the ground once they've finished fighting. Enemies don't go out for drinks after the fighting is over. Enemies don't fight for the same side.
Some say you're indifferent to each other, that you're two people who simply end up thrown together because you're both no good hoods.
You wish it was that simple.
You can't be indifferent. You both spend too much time trying to figure the other out to be indifferent. You spend too much time trying to decipher the codes you each put in place. You both want to understand. You both want to know why the other won't admit to that.
When it comes down to it, there is no name for the relationship the two of you share. You just have codes and secret meanings that you've both spent your lives putting in place and figuring out.
Everything between you and Dally has a meaning. Every action has a meaning deeper than what others see. You know what all of his actions mean. You should, after all, you've spent enough time with him to learn them, even the difficult ones.
One of the easiest messages to interpret is what he means when he slashes your tires. People like his friend Two-Bit may say Dally was just causing trouble for no reason. That ain't true.
Slashed tires mean 'Hey, fucker, I'm out of the cooler. Come find me if you can.' It's meant playfully, you can imagine his face and his 'come get me' expression. Maybe others would laugh at you describing Dally as playfully slashing your tires, but it's what it is. Dally's playful. You and Dally have always just played rougher than the other kiddies on the playground.
When you eventually do find him the issue of his girlfriend usually comes up. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes he lets it slide because he figures you're in the right.
You sleep with his girlfriend a lot when he's away. You do it to communicate a message, not because you think Sylvia is something special. Sylvia is just another greaser girl.
You sleep with her so you don't have to say, 'When I'm mad I relieve stress by fighting with you. You didn't think about that when you got sent away. So I'm going to relieve stress by sleeping with your girl. Next time think about how I feel.'
If he's mad at you it means, 'Fuck, Tim. I've been in the damn cooler, and I just want an easy lay and now I can't have it because the broad cheated on me again. Why the hell can't you just find someone else to entertain you while I'm gone?'
If he pretends he doesn't know you were the one she cheated with it means, 'Okay, fine. I shouldn't have gotten caught. We're even.'
Usually he's mad. Usually he wants to make something of it because he just got out and he's itching for a fight anyway, and even if he wasn't, he's sick of you trying to punish him when he gets taken in by the fuzz.
When the fight over Sylvia breaks out he asks why you helped her cheat again.
When you respond with, "She wanted to." It actually means, 'Because she doesn't see the difference. We're both hoods, and you ain't no better than me. You don't get special privileges. The world doesn't stop spinning because you got hauled in. It wouldn't happen if you thought about what I wanted.'
When you inevitably end up in some parking lot to fight, every move has a meaning. Where you choose to hit and how hard you choose to hit has a reason behind it. They aren't just calculated blows to hurt one another, they're messages. You fight to relieve the anger, but you do it just as much to see how you're both feeling.
He almost always begins a fight with you by hitting your face. It always means the same thing. 'I don't understand why you care so damn much. Stop looking at me like I did something to hurt you. I didn't do shit. Don't even look at me.'
You take his blow to the face. You almost always respond with a fist to his ribs. 'You never think about me. Maybe when I crack a few ribs and it hurts to breathe you will. Maybe every time the pain hits you when you inhale you'll think about how I made it hurt and how maybe next time you should think before you get sent to the cooler.'
Who gives up first means everything. You and Dally are evenly matched. You may be bigger, but he's ruthless in a way that you've never seen before. The two of you could fight forever; fight until you're both too tired and broken to even fall to the ground.
You never do.
When he falls down and stays down the message is clear. 'Fine, Tim. I'm done fighting about it. You win asshole.'
When he refuses to go down the message is even clearer. 'I'm not letting you win. I ain't sorry. Stop being so damn butt-hurt and buy me a drink, you fucker.'
When the fight is over there are only two things he'll do. He either goes with you to get a drink or he says that he's going to the Curtis'.
You know when he gets a drink with you that he's over it. Whether he won or lost he's done thinking about it. He's saying, 'I don't wanna fight. I kinda missed you, and you kinda missed me, so let's just drink and not talk about it.'
When he says he's going to check out what the Curtis' are doing then he's still mad. He wants you to know that you've overstepped a line. 'I've got other people to buddy around with, you ain't special. Stop acting like you are. Stop trying to soften me. You aint my damn girlfriend, and I won't treat you like you are.'
The worst way he hurts you after a fight is when he says he's going to the Curtis' because he figures the kid is there. You know the kid is Johnny, and you're getting his message loud and clear. 'If I was going to treat a guy like my girlfriend, it'd be him not you.'
Most of the time he will spare you and drink for awhile. The two of you will sit and talk about things that have been going on while he was gone. You'll talk about who rumbled, and who won the latest rodeo, and all of the stupid shit that neither of you really wants to talk about.
Then you start going into coded messages.
"I'm probably going to be too drunk in the morning to remember this. 'I'm not really drunk, but you can tell me anything and in the morning I'll pretend you didn't.'
"I'm sick of all of these stupid broads." 'I'm glad you're here.'
"I'm thinking of watching the drag race on Saturday." 'Come with me, please?'
"She wasn't hot enough for me to leave my drink." 'I just wanna stay with you.'
"I beat his head into the floor." 'I just want to impress you.'
And then the inevitable part of the conversation occurs.
"It's getting late." 'I shouldn't still be with you.'
"What are you? Some fuckin' pansy with a curfew? 'You've stuck it out this long, just stay with me.'
"I could steal a key from Buck." 'Beg me.'
"Save yourself some time and just stay with me." 'I'll make you beg.'
"Alright, I'll take back my key tomorrow." 'Just for tonight.'
So many messages over the years. So many things that both of you knew, but neither of you said. And now all of a sudden Darry has come to deliver Dally's last message to you, and it hits you like a ton of bricks.
"Dally's dead, Tim. He got shot by the fuzz." Darry tells you. He doesn't look sad, but you know he is.
You feel sick, but you don't show it. You take a long drag of your cancer stick before you nod.
"Knew he'd fuck something up once the kid died." Because you knew the kid was going to die. He was too soft and when you saw him you just knew. You start to turn away, but Darry stops you when he speaks again.
"He didn't fuck up. His heater wasn't loaded. He aimed it at them… He was smiling." Darry admits. He doesn't need to offer anymore explanation. You know what he means.
It hits you harder than when he told you Dally was dead. You don't show it. Darry might know, but he won't say anything.
"Thanks for letting me know." That's all you can say before you split ways with Darrel Curtis.
It's one last message for you, one last code for you to crack. It's easier than any other code has ever been.
'You're a good guy, Tim, one hell of a greaser. But when I said one time I meant it. When I said you weren't special, I meant it. When I went to find that kid instead of staying with you, it was because he was more important. I love him and there's really no room for me to love you too. I love him too much to love anyone else. No hard feelings. I just couldn't care to think about you. I was always too busy thinking about him.'
When you flip the table over at Bucks and throw the beer bottle against the wall with a cry of, "Fuck you, Winston!" you know you're sending the message loud and clear.
'I know. I was just dumb enough to love you anyway.'