"JJ," Hotch said, walking quickly to catch up to her as she tried to exit the airplane.
"What, Hotch?" She asked, weary to the bone and just needing to go home.
Callahan pushed past them on her way to the door, and shot JJ a sympathetic glance.
For some reason, JJ hated the sympathy, hated who it came from. Why couldn't Emily be here for this? She'd understand, but she'd actually understand and not just be faking it like Callahan was.
"What you did tonight was not okay," Hotch began. "I need to know that you realized that."
"It was a choice between waiting, and saving a life," she said.
"I'm not asking you to justify it," he said. "It was justified, maybe. I need to know that you recognize that you disobeyed a direct order."
She bit her tongue, considering words. "It won't happen again." She said flatly.
"Do you recognize the choice you made?" Hotch asked again, and she breathed out in a huff.
"Yes, I recognize that I went against orders."
"Do you recognize that you might have died?" Hotch said. "You didn't know that that it wouldn't ignite."
"How do you know?"
"I know," Hotch said. "It was all over your face when you were writing it up at the station. And then there's Reid."
"What the hell did Reid tell you?" JJ shouted, furious.
There was silence, and Hotch lowered his face. "He didn't tell me anything with words," he began. "But your attitude, and then his attitude after he spoke with you, tells me that there's something going on."
JJ tried to leave, but Hotch grabbed her arm.
"Tivon," he said, one word that chilled her to the bone. "It's coming up on a year now."
"Hotch," she said, brokenly, and suddenly her knees gave out and he only barely caught her before she crumpled. Next thing, she was sobbing against his suit jacket and he was holding her tight.
"It's okay to cry, to mourn," Hotch said. "You've been keeping it bottled up for way too long. Don't you think we've known?"
"What do you mean, you've all been waiting around for me to break?" JJ asked, and pulled away.
Hotch saw the brittleness of JJ's stance, and how her shoulders trembled. But her jaw was square, and this time when she walked away, he didn't stop her.
Taking out his phone, he dialed a number.
As JJ left her office, she was still wiping tears away. She felt exhausted and heart broken.
And then she looked up, at the sound of soft footsteps, and met the eyes of her husband.
For a moment, she hesitated. For a moment, she just didn't want to go forward and give into herself, but then she ran to him, and he was holding her tight, and she could finally cry until the ache in her heart just stopped aching.
"Oh, Jen," he whispered, holding her so tight the pain eased. "I love you so much, and I am always here for you."
If only you could have been, her heart cried out and she held him closer.
"Anything you are going through is okay," he continued. "But you have to let me know."
Our baby.
"There's something I have to tell you," she gasped, barely managing to say the words.
"I will listen to anything you have to say."
A/N: Just the two things I'd have liked to have seen in this amazing episode. BTW, I do like Callahan and don't think JJ dislikes her, but I wanted to include her longing for Emily.