POV's are always much easier for me to write than a story in general. Please give me some feedback on this piece, even though it might not be up to your standards.

Preparation and Unease

1864, January 12th,

I have decided to take his offer…The Yaminobu's offer. My goal is to find his weakness and leave the rest to them. But this man, battousai, has driven my happiness away from me, beyond my reach. I've never tried to kill, nor do I wish to.

I can never find one like Kiyosatsu again…I loved him, so much. But I have never had the chance to say this to him, how happy I was…Why can't I smile? Even when I was happy…I don't understand…I just could not.

I know that I have nothing now…but Enishi. My dear brother, I must leave him to complete my task. I want to take him with me, but it would be too dangerous, and I do not wish to influence him of such things; of what his sister does to have revenge…

I will give up my unstained hands for you, Kiyosatsu,..for us.

1864, January 24th,

It will be a few months, until I finally confront the murderer of my husband. I do not yearn to meet, or speak with him, but for the sake of my fiancé, I will. It will be hard to find him, I hear, but I see no boundaries… My soul will not be complete; I want battousai to face death, and be defeated, like my husband to have been… I realize what I have become to avenge his death, and I accept to suffer, and gain.

Happiness can never be achieved by me no longer, only loath, and the anguish that lingers in my heart… My life had been ruined, but Enishi's has not yet. Perhaps I have told him too much, for his own age…He is still too young to know about Kiyosatsu's death, and too haste to tread slowly. I only wish for the best of my little brother. I pray to my gods that they will forgive me, and save Enishi from further corruption.

1864 February 21st,

It has been a month since I've received word from Mr. Tatsumi…I hope that he does not forget our pact and the plot for battousai.

Since last month, it has not left my mind…every waking moment I can not help to think about the day of my pain, and how he will finally pay…

I see Enishi now, playing outside, by himself, while the other children are off someplace bright. He remains in the corner, routing insects and twiddling with sticks. Already, I am beginning to see the change in his ways…I see past his adolescent face and to his soul, and I see the same hate as the one hidden beneath my chest, I shouldn't have told him…this is my only regret. Now he will live uneasily, like an orphan...without me.

1864 February 27th

I have not enough time to write. The Yaminobu sent a messenger, and insists for me to leave Edo immediately. I am sorry for Enishi, he is asleep now, and I must leave him to father's care. My mind rushes me, I must end here. It will be a while until I will finally write in this book again.

Hey, I tried, didn't I? Please RR