Islophobia. Monophobia. Eremophobia. It all started when I saw Maxie fall through the ice and was forced to go off by myself. It was fed by Zack's insistence that we split up and follow a strict code of no communication with anyone except him. I'd be lying if I convinced myself it really started there. I think I was always a little bit afraid of being alone, because at Manticore I never was. If I wasn't with one of my fellow soldiers then there were the scientists or the doctors or other soldiers or even Lydecker himself. If I was ever the last to leave an area I knew I wasn't really alone either, there was always the watchful eye of the surveillance equipment. At night I was never alone. Max was always there for me. On the off chance that they had taken Max away from me for some reason, Krit would always take her place. Krit only slept one or two nights a week and only for two or three hours. Krit made a good substitute, and sometimes even Syl and Ben would join us. We were given six full hours in which to sleep each night, it was determined we'd be able to function at peak performance with that much sleep. We never functioned at peak performance, now that I think about it, not even Zack. We all had our own little imperfections and weaknesses, though we were in no way as bad off as the nomies. What was mine? Besides deserting my little sister and best friend in her most dire time of need, the living conditions at Manticore had turned me into a Monophob.
Even when it came down to escape and evade exercises where it was supposed to be every man for themselves, Max, Zack, Krit and I made sure that we all made it back to the rendezvous point in the allotted time. Every time we were paired off to spar it was Max and Zack, Krit and I, Syl and Zane; no one was ever left alone. It was training that had overpowered me when Max fell through the ice only a step behind me. Never go back for a fallen soldier you could get compromised or even killed. This time it was no exercise, the stakes were high and it was all or nothing. My sister or my freedom and my life? And still I went back for her, I had to. The soldiers drove me away, I didn't want to leave her, but I didn't want to get caught either. I would circle back and help Max once they had moved on. When I made it back to the hole in the ice the soldiers were gone and so was Max. Did they get her? Did she get away? Was that the footfall of a soldier behind me and the click of a gun? Training told me to keep moving, so I ran and met Zack at the rendezvous point at the time he'd indicated to me. We all had different set appointments, he didn't think it was safe for us to ever come together in-groups of more then two again. Two by two we had always marched in a line. Two by two we spared. Two by two, Max and I had always been two by two and I let her down. We slept in neat rows of two by two. Max and I spent most of our nights two by two. Two silhouettes against the moon of the barracks roof. Two bodies on one cot talking the night away. Two holding hands and prowling around the compound after lights out. We lived out lives two by two like the animals on Noah's arch. Always two by two and now I was alone. An army of one. Alone.
______________________________________________________________________________
AN: This is only the introduction for now. I have the start of the first chapter but not really a clear idea. Plus I think I need to finish Carnival first and get Extraction part two to Ashes to Ashes done. Anyhoo tell me what you think. . .
Preview of first chapter ( Back against the wall) :
Everywhere I went I was alone, even when I wasn't. Alone and on my own with the enemy everywhere I turned. I never let my guard down. I would carry out Zack's orders even though it meant being alone all the time. Being alone was better then being back at Manticore. I'd do anything to stay free. I'd be alone forever if it meant never having to go home.