This is related to episode 19x01, where Noah said he wished Lucy was his mum and it wasn't mentioned again afterwards.

Written for phoenixwrites on Tumblr! I hope this is a bit like what you had in mind! I couldn't keep myself from throwing some Barba family in XD

And of course I hope everyone else likes it too, I'm looking forward to your feedback :)

Taking Away The Smallest Pain (Can Make A Difference In The End)

"I wish Lucy was my mommy."

It had taken some time for the word to reach Rafael Barba's ear, especially since the shocking abuse accusations against Olivia were what gathered most attention. Eventually, it was – to Rafael's surprise – Mike Dodds who relayed all the details to him, probably acquired from a gossiping Rollins or Carisi. Or maybe she'd talked to the young Sergeant in private, he didn't know, and while he normally would have disapproved of such a break of trust, he was genuinely glad that Dodds had come to his office to tell him about it. Rafael felt like the words Noah had used were almost as horrible as what some uninformed and, in his opinion, incompetent, people were claiming his mother had done to him. If someone had taken the time to question the little boy properly…

He sighed inwardly, hating that he wouldn't be able to help her as much as he wanted to. The thought of Olivia feeling hurt by her son and also shocked by the ridiculous accusations… it surely was almost too much. Why couldn't they ever catch a break? There had to be something he could do to ease the pain, to take at least some worries from her, but he felt utterly uninformed.

Was it normal for kids to tell their mother they wished someone else was their mum? In this moment he seriously wished he knew enough about children to be able to judge.

And so he decided to do what he rarely had to do – get a second opinion. Pulling his phone from his briefcase, he pulled a name from his contacts and dialed.

"Rafi. Didn't we talk just one week ago? You start to turn into Lucia, contacting me that often."

He smiled weakly about the joking tone in the young woman's voice when she finally picked up. "Don't worry, I have a busy week ahead so there'll only be a few texts, Fia."

"Heaven. Now, what can I do for you?"

Rafael hesitated for a second, then he explained: "It's about the son of my colleague. He said to her that he wished she wasn't her mommy. How serious do you think he meant it?"

There was silence on the other end of the line for a few long moments, and Rafael wondered if the connection got cut, then he heard her snort. "You, a childless person, call me, your childless cousin, to ask about children? Isn't that what they call the blind leading the deaf?"

He sighed inwardly, of course knowing how ridiculous this had to sound, but he really felt like she was the only one who could help. "You know why I don't want to ask Mamí about it."

"Of course. You know what she said last week? 'Delfia, I need to find you a man, I guess, as you don't want to date. Your biological clock is ticking.' Seriously, she needs a hobby. But why do you think I would know something?"

It was a rhetorical question, they both knew it, and Rafael rolled his eyes before grumbling: "Because you're not awkward with kids, and I told you everything about Olivia and Noah."

"Exactly. I feel like I've met them already, it's funny."

"Fia…"

"I don't think he meant it, but also didn't realise how much his words would hurt Olivia. Sometimes children just don't know how much impact things they say can have," Fia answered after a short pause, and Rafael hummed in response so she knew that he was still listening. "So… maybe you could…"

She was more than obviously waiting for her cousin to click and complete the sentence, but Rafael was waiting patiently, not sure what she meant.

"Rafi."

"Huh?"

"You could talk to him and get him to apologise so she smiles again? Who of us is the Harvard graduate again?"

Rafael bit his lip, a wave of insecurity rushing through him. "Are you sure I can do that? I mean…"

"Rafael Barba, could you please stop acting like you'll kill the kid? You're a good person and Noah is old enough to be talked reasonably with. Just take the leap, I know you want to do it but you're afraid to admit it so you're calling me whenever you have a question you have an answer for already," Fia said, annoyance swinging in her voice, and Rafael pinched the bridge of his nose, hating that she was right.

"Okay, okay, stop ranting at me. I'll try to think of a way-"

"No, Rafi, you'll get your ass into a cab and then knock on her door, march past her and say you want to have a word with Noah about hurting his Mama. Afterwards you better kiss her. Use that ridiculous confidence of yours to make yourself happy for once."

In one point, Delfia was just like her aunt Lucia – it was more than clear when she wouldn't accept protest, and he knew that he had no other choice than to obey, as it wasn't beyond Fia to fly over from Chicago and show him that for a ballet dancer she knew how to fight dirty.

"Okay… uh… okay."

"Great, we definitely need to have dinner with the two when I'm in New York next month. Speak to you later!"

And with that, she just ended the call, leaving him staring at the opposite wall of his office with light panic as he realised what he was about to do.

OoO

Rafael's nerves had gotten worse with every meter that he'd come closer to Olivia's apartment block, and as she buzzed him upstairs with a surprised greeting he felt like he would pass out any minute. She looked tired when she opened the door for him, and he could see the hurt and worry that were gnawing on her when she gave him a weak smile. Yet she was obviously trying to sound normal as she asked why he was here, causing him to have to resist the urge to pull her into his arms and tell her that she didn't have to conceal how she really felt, not with him.

"I… I thought I'd check on you, see how you're doing."

Olivia stepped to the side to let him in without hesitation, and he thought that he briefly saw relief on her face, as if she was glad that someone was there because he cared about her. A part of him wanted to ask how much she'd been under attack today, but he refrained from it, not wanting to risk to make her feel even worse.

They walked into the living room together where Noah was sitting on the floor, drawing on a big piece of paper and smiling up at Rafael when he noticed him. "Do you want a coffee, Rafael?" Olivia asked, keeping Rafael from gliding into a state of panic, and he welcomed the opportunity to have a minute with Noah, so he nodded with a grateful smile.

The minute Olivia walked into the kitchen, Rafael squatted down next to Noah, gathering all his courage. "Hey amigo."

"Hey Rafa," Noah replied with a small smile, grabbing a red pencil from the pile next to his paper, and Rafael gestured at what the boy had drawn so far.

"That looks great."

Taking a deep breath, he briefly glanced to the breakfast bar behind which Olivia was busy making a coffee for him and he took a deep breath, telling himself to just do it. "I need to have a word with you, amigo. You know, Do… Uncle Mike told me that you said something mean to your Mama. That you wished Lucy was your mommy."

Noah's movements of dragging the pencil over the paper slowed and a guilty expression appeared on his face, his brown eyes flickering up to Rafael with insecurity shining in them. Rafael measured his words carefully; the last thing he wanted was for them to have a negative effect.

"You know, your Mama loves you more than anything in the world. And you hurt her by saying that you want someone else to be your Mama. I know that going to school isn't always fun, but hurting your Mama because you're upset isn't okay."

When Rafael saw tears gathering in Noah's eyes he felt his stomach drop and he asked himself in panic if he'd done something wrong; a moment later Noah sniffed out: "I didn't mean it, really. I didn't want to hurt her. I promise, Rafa!"

Out of instinct, Rafael reached out and gently ruffled Noah's hair, smiling softly. "It's alright, amigo, but you need to apologise to your Mama, okay? And always think about your words before saying them."

Noah nodded hastily and the two looked up when Olivia exited the kitchen, smiling at them lightly while placing the mug of steaming coffee on the coffee table. "What are you boys whispering about?" she asked casually and Noah jumped to his feet in the same moment, crossing the distance between them and slinging his arms around Olivia while sobs broke out of him.

"I'm sorry, Mama. I love you!"

Olivia's eyes widened in confused surprise, then it seemed to click in her head and she kneeled down so she could hug her boy easier. Running her fingers through his hair, she dropped a kiss on his temple and whispered: "I know you didn't mean it, baby. I love you so much."

Rafael watched the scene from some distance, but somehow he didn't feel excluded; he could feel some relief rolling off them both and smiled softly at the sight of mother and son holding each other.

"Rafa said I can hurt people with my words, so I have to think about them!"

Opening her eyes, Olivia glanced up at Rafael over Noah's shoulder and her lips curled into a small smile, signaling him that he'd done the right thing. While the accusations were still looming darkly over her, he'd still managed to take at least some weight off her shoulders. Maybe it would give her strength for the fight that lay ahead.

"Oh, he did? You better listen to Rafael then, because he's right."

Noah nodded and Olivia pecked a kiss on his hair before pulling back. "How about we get some cookies, hm? No more being sad."

She wiped some stray tears off her son's cheeks and Noah smiled at her bravely, nodding – cookies always made them feel better. He ran off to the kitchen after giving his mother a kiss, impatient for his favourite treat, while Olivia stepped over to Rafael, her fingers brushing over his forearm. "Thank you, Rafael."

"That's what friends are there for, right?" he replied, trying to sound casual and as if it wasn't a big deal, but he knew that she wasn't buying it, they knew each other far too well for these kind of games. His heart skipped a few beats as she leaned in and kissed his cheek, her lips lingering a little longer than necessary and making his skin tingle pleasantly. Their eyes met and she didn't need words to make him understand how much this meant to her, how good it felt that he was there to make sure that at least everything between Noah and her was alright. So much was left unspoken in this brief moment, but it just wasn't the right time and a silent agreement passed between them that they would address it once the worst was over.

"You can stay for cookies if you want," she suggested quietly, though she already slipped her fingers around his wrist lightly and tugged him with her towards the kitchen where Noah was staring up at the cookie jar with desire. She didn't let go of him while reaching for the cookie jar on the top shelf and handed it to her son, and when they followed Noah back into the living room, the boy carrying his precious cookies, she gave him another small smile.

In this moment, Rafael was glad that he'd finally taken the leap, and he knew that he owed Fia a favour, but that was something he would deal with later. For now, he concentrated on enjoying the privilege of being a part of a Benson family moment, and as he watched them he swore to himself that he would be by their side through the storm that was brewing over them.

And maybe afterwards they would finally be granted to stay moored in the safe harbour, far away from all the troubles that tried to destroy their little family.

THE END