A/N: Damn Damien Rice! He makes me write sad stuff. Anywoo, here's a short little something I just wrote. Spoilers for everything from Verdict in the Story on.
It was too much.
For once, her life was falling apart, like sand through her fingers and she could do nothing to stop it.
She was the queen of compartmentalizing; she could handle this, she could handle anything.
Anything but this.
The last month had been...stressful to say the least. First the trial. Yes, her father got free and she was sublimely happy about that but at what expense? She saw the look on Booth's face as he realized what she was asking him to do.
They were on opposing sides and it didn't feel right. Even later, when they had moved past it, they hadn't really. She had asked Booth to something he had done for her so many times before. But aside his dedication to the law.
It was then, that moment on the stand when she realized that Booth loved her. The earring in New Orleans, not arresting her father, these things that he did for her.
And she wasn't ready for it. She doubted that she would ever be ready for that. Love with Booth meant everything, a complete upheaval of her world and right now she was trying to grip onto it so tightly, keep the strands together.
Then he died.
He left her and she couldn't do anything about it. She just paced up and down her apartment, ignoring the incessant ringing of her phone.
She had tried to work, but found herself contaminating the bones with her tears. She couldn't eat, her appetite completely faded now that he wasn't there to shove takeout in her face.
She went with Angela to the funeral, not wanting to be there, not wanting to face the idea of Booth in the ground. And when he turned out to be alive, she hit him, hard as a wave of anger washed over her.
And that's when she realized that she loved Booth.
She had burst into his bathroom, finding him naked and she yelled at him for what he did. But it wasn't until she reached the car, that her tears soaked her shirt, blinding her view.
Finally, Zach.
This was a blow that struck her deep. She knew Zach, worked with him, loved him. Booth had said that there was more than one type of family and he was right, the team was hers. To have Zach betray her like that, to have him leave her family was too much to bear. Another person walking out of her life.
She pulled another shirt out of the closet and folded it carefully, packing it into her almost full suitcase.
There were going to be consequences. Life had shifted and the team was going to pay for it for a long time. Her and Booth, they were changing too. She wasn't ready for either of these changes, didn't want to face what was directly in her face.
It was time to get away from the Jeffersonian, from her job, from Booth. She was just too tired.
As she zipped the suitcase, she wondered what he would do after he got her letter. She would be long gone by then, and she expressed clearly that she didn't want him to find her.
For once, she didn't want to continue.
Didn't want to be strong.
It was just too much.