"Of Reflections and Fishing Lines"
Copyright 2000
Author's Note:
Ah, finished with my third fic. It is, however, another personal justification fic. I thought that the corresponding scene in the ending movie seemed a little out of place... a loose thread, almost. This is my way of tying it up. It gives Seifer (who was never one of my favorite characters, anyway) a little more depth, and justifies how he returns to "normal" society.
Again feel free to leave a review as I love hearing what my readers think.
Um, I think that's everything. So with out much further ado, I give you "Of Reflections and Fishing Lines."
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The floater bobbed slightly with the gentle motion of the waves. Seifer stared at it absent-mindedly, his thoughts far away on his recent dive into philosophical self-evaluation. The defeat of Ultimecia had crashed through his existence the same way a freight train would, had he stood in its tracks. But somehow, he had survived. He tried again to remember how that had happened.
When time had initially compressed after the defeat of Adel, Seifer had watched his skin liquify, and his clothes begin to drip. His body began to melt, though he felt no pain; he was just another part of the history of time. After a short while, his body had drifted apart in several different droplets of compressed time, though his consciousness stayed intact. Somehow, his senses still fed information to his... his... his what ? Still fed information to him. His body and his consciousness traveled separately. His mind was on the SeeDs who now were on their way to attack Ultimecia, so it traveled with them. His body had disappeared: his two remaining friends had departed, so there was no one left to believe in his existence except himself.
He had watched them defeat one sorceress initiate after another. He would have cursed as the group of SeeDs gained back their powers one by one from Ultimecia's false GF's, except that he had no mouth to speak with. He watched them climb the clock tower, the hatred for Squall still burning in his soul. The battle with Ultimecia was torture for him, as he saw his sorceress's power slowly failing, yet without a body, there was nothing he could do... he was condemned to watch his sorceress die. And in the moment of her death, everything flashed white for Seifer, and he felt himself falling downwards. After a while of falling, Seifer realized he had a body again, but only because his limbs and torso were being jerked around by unseen forces. The thought came to him with surprising clarity that time was straightening itself out, but after witnessing the death of his sorceress, he didn't really care. The jerking became more violent, and Seifer felt himself pulled taut, his body went completely painfully rigid for a second, then everything went limp, and he blacked out.
A strand of hair in his eye brought Seifer back to reality. The wind swept calmly across Balamb Harbour, and the sound of the water lapping up against the pier supports was peaceful. The floater still bobbed up and down with the waves, undisturbed by any fish, and Seifer was only dimly aware of Raijin's quiet conversation a bit further down the pier.
Seifer asked himself the question he had asked him self thousands of times in the past four days: What am I to do now? I'm expelled from the Garden. Ultimecia is dead. And I am hated by just about the entire world. How do I go on with my life ? How do I live with what I have done ?
Once again, Seifer was forced to reflect on the change that had occured in him. Something happened after Ultimecia died. Shortly before he passed out, his body went limp, but Seifer had distinctly felt something else release, and as he slipped into unconsciousness, he had a sinking suspicion that it was his soul.
When Seifer awoke, it was on the beach just east of Balamb. He had washed up on shore, and his clothes were all saturated with seawater. As he stood up, it seemed that every movement took an extraordinary amount of effort. His muscles seemed reluctant to obey his mind's orders. The feeling was very discomforting, and only went away very, very slowly.
Nor was Seifer outraged or frustrated by the seaweed clinging to his coat or the salt water dripping into his eyes, just very confused. He knew where he was and, marginally, how he had gotten there, what Seifer couldn't figure out is why he had gotten there. Upon further introspection, Seifer found that he didn't even mourn the loss of Ultimecia, and upon realizing this, the thought struck him as amazingly honest. It felt like the first honest thought he'd had in years. With that in mind, he started walking towards the town of Balamb, it's coastal shape glittering in the morning sun.
That was just a couple days ago... and yet I feel like a completely different person. What happened to me ? I've cried myself to sleep the past few nights because I can't accept what I've done. Yet I didn't feel an ounce of regret or doubt as I was actually committing these crimes. Was I...possessed ?No...it can't be, can it ?I was fully in control of what I was doing, but...perhaps my judgement was skewed by Ultimecia's influence.
Hmmm... That sounds somewhat right...
But, then, how long have I been under her spell ? I didn't feel any kind of change when I first met her at the TV station... Have I lived my entire life as Ultimecia's puppet?
The thought scared him infinitely more than he cared to admit.
No...I can remember a time when I felt totally in control. However, that feeling gradually went away, so slowly I didn't notice it until now.
Thoughts echoed dimly through his head, but he wasn't aware of them all. Seifer, once commander of the armies of Galbadia, once the self-appointed knight of the sorceress Ultimecia, stared blankly at the floater connected to his fishing line and didn't have a clue as to who he really was.
The realization inspired in him a burning mixture of fear and sadness. Anxiety began welling up in him, but he quickly put it to rest.
A loud whooping and shouting brought him out of his reverie and he turned to watch Raijin dance wildly about, a twitching and snapping fish on the end of his line. It was a final twist of the knife of Fate, a little reminder of how little the world liked him.
Seifer let out a scream of frustration and rage, standing up and throwing down his fishing pole at the same time, the tears welling up in his eyes.
Fujin, seeing her comrade's fragile state of mind, and impervious to Raijin's antics, decided that Seifer needed some cheering up. With that, she promptly kicked Raijin in the calf, who fell tumbling into the water, his curses of pain cut short by an ungraceful splash.
Watching the scene, there occured in Seifer a gestalten switch, a complete change in his point of view. His life was forever changed by watching the clumsy Raijin fall maladroitly into the water. It gave him a reference point from which he could locate the rest of himself. It all rushed back to him now, the disciplinary committee, the rivalry with Squall, his subtle defiance of everything Instructor Trepe had said.
He could not help but burst out laughing.
The sheer joy of being Seifer again got to him. The freshness of a new day, a day without the puppet strings of Ultimecia, the intoxicating taste of freedom surged through him, laughing loud and long.
A low thrumming sound blanketed the harbor, and Seifer looked up to watch Balamb Garden pass overhead.
On its way home.
A warmth of familiarity settled in his stomach, and Seifer smiled.
Maybe I'll stop by and say hi, he thought mischievously.