Title: Who am I?
Rating: NC17 (I hope)
Pairing: Connor/Abby
POV: Abby
Genre: Smut, PWP
Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm just hurting them, make them have sex and then I put them back! No copyright is intended
On that first day I was scared.
My head ached and I couldn't even remember what my own name was. I couldn't remember ME! The basic knowledge was all there; I knew which year it was, I knew who was Prime Minister - but I didn't know who I was.
There were people around me, demanding to know if I recognize them. Asking questions. When I started crying a tall slim man told me that I had an accident while we were on a 'field trip'. He told me not to worry about the details too much; it would come back to me eventually.
Yeah, right! Even if I wanted to, I couldn't focus on the details. Any details about me!
I just wanted them gone.
Most of the people around me crowded me, asked me if I remember them, showed me photos.
The only one who made me feel safe and protected was the man with the large brown eyes and the slightly nervous smile He seemed kind and I wished I could remember who he was. He was the one who was there when I first woke up and he also stayed when the others had gone.
He was crying when I couldn't remember anything that was me, and he kept mumbling that it was his fault; that he never should have let me go with Danny. He told me that I had been hit on the head by some guy on that ominous 'field trip'.
He stayed with me that day even though we kept silent the whole time. I didn't even know his name but when the woman he called Sarah came to see me, the man stood up and said he needed coffee and left the room.
"Your name is Sarah, right?" I asked her when she sat down on the chair next to my bed.
She smiled "Yeah. We work together. How are you today?"
Ugh! Next thing she would ask me if I remembered something. I hoped she would let it go and just answered "Fine. Uh … can I ask you something?"
"Sure. Whatever you want!"
I looked to the door, where the man just had left and asked "The man? Who is he?"
"Connor?"
Was she always this dense? How would I know what his name was. I gave her a pointed look.
She cleared her throat and looked down before looking me in the eyes again. "Sorry, uh … Connor! That is Connor."
"Is he my boyfriend?"
"Ah … no. But he is your best friend from what I can tell. You are flat-mates."
Hmm. Okay, if he is my best friend it would explain why he was so upset that I got hurt. But he was properly distressed about it.
"Are we friends Sarah?"
"Not really. We work together. I've only known you for a relatively short time."
"Okay. What is our job?"
Her look grew panicked. She stood up and gathered her stuff.
"Ahm … Abby, I have to go now. Connor'll be back soon. See you!"
With that she crossed the room and was out the door in record speed.
When Connor came back I saw that his eyes where red and puffy and I didn't really have the heart to interrogate him with too many hard questions right now.
"Connor?" He looked at me and hope flashed through his eyes for a second. "Abs?"
He sat down on the chair Sarah had vacated. "Would you tell me a bit more about me?"
The hope left his face but he nodded. He told me some basic stuff, but it was enough for now.
Doctors checked me over and explained that my memory should come back soon, but there was no guarantee when or how much I would remember. After two days, they let me go home because physically I was OK.
Okay. I was determined to make the best of my situation. Maybe my forgetting things wasn't all that bad from what Connor told me about my past. He explained that I never really talked about my family, and that he believed it was because something bad had happened to me.
I had found a diary under my bed. I cried the whole night after I had read what was in there. No... forgetting really might be a good thing here. Only the last few years seem to be happy. I had written about my work, the ARC, my friends. But there was nothing about Connor in there.
All the pictures in my room and around the flat showed us together at different places. Laughing and smiling. I felt protected and he was the only one who didn't crowd me. He was there for me, but I didn't feel pressured. And it helped that he was handsome. Not too tall, but taller than me. Slim but strong. Those tight red jeans he wore today showed his firm ass. My stomach fluttered when I saw him, and even though I couldn't remember him, I knew that he was in my heart.
We were huddled together on my bed. Watching a DVD together. It was one week after I woke up with no memory.
I had asked Connor about movies I had liked and he had said that Cruel Intentions was one of my favourites. After a bit of begging and pouting from me, he agreed to watch it with me. Since the sofa in the living area was too small to stretch out comfortably, I convinced him to watch the movie with me in my room.
When the bad-girl in the movie made the bet with her step brother and said that she would have sex with him if he could seduce the other girl, I looked over to Connor. That was when I noticed the bulge in his pants.
I don't know what I was thinking but I put my hand on his chin and turned his face to me and started kissing him.
It was slow at first and then grew heated. As we kissed, my hands wandered slowly down his chest and down to his stomach. My fingers reached his waist band and I heard his breathing become quicker.
When I opened the buttons on his jeans I was surprised to find that he was going commando.
I took his already hard cock into my hand and stroked him once. Up and down and then I stayed still. Connor's face held a look I wanted to remember always.
His eyes were closed and his mouth was open a bit, his lower lip between his teeth.
One more stroke. Up and down once more. He moaned and I felt heat race through my belly.
„Do you want it, Connor?" I smiled when he nodded.
Then he took a shuddering breath in and opened his eyes to look at me. His eyes grew large with panic and he took my hand away from his cock. "Abby! No! I can't take advantage of you!"
I sighed and watched as he closed the buttons on his jeans again and stood up.
"You are not taking advantage of me! I want it, I want you!" I got up as well to stand in front of him.
"Please Abs! When your memories come back, and you if still want it, I'll be there! I'll never leave you, but you have to let it go now!"
A memory flashed through my mind. Him looking down at me, crying, begging not to let go. Telling me that he loves me.
I look up and my eyes locked with his. I gasped and tears welled up in my eyes.
Where was that memory from? Does he still love me?
Connor must have seen that something had happened because he looked at me, questioning me with his eyes.
"You love me!"
He looked down at my accusation, sighed and just nodded. He looked as if he was waiting for me to slap him.
What have I done to him in the past? That memory was only very brief but from what I could grasp he was trying to save me from falling down. The feeling I had when I heard the words made the butterflies in my stomach flutter even more excitedly!
Could I have turned him down? Why does he look so ashamed now?
I may not be able to remember what had happened, but what I did know was that he had been here with me all week, taking care of me and trying to help me. I felt safe with him and knew that I could trust him.
"Connor?"
His brown eyes looked back at me. "Yes, I love you."
All I could do was smile. "I remembered! I remembered something!"
We both sat down on the bed again and I took his hand in mine. The gloves on his hand were warm and I wandered why he wore them so constantly. Did my memory-me know why?
"Connor? Why aren't we together? I mean … you told me that you love me, and you are cute and bright and nice. Why are we not together?"
He looked at our clasped hands.
"Abby. We ... we are just mates. I'm not your type! When your memories are back you're gonna hate me because I took advantage of you!"
He is not my type? What is that supposed to mean? I can judge that just fine, and he was exactly my type. How could he not be? He had a sharp mind, he was kind and helpful and not to mention his body! Those tight red jeans left nothing much to the imagination, and the feel I got of his cock … WOW! My hand couldn't even close around his girth! How could I not want him? Not want to be WITH him?
"Connor! That's crap and you know it. I'll still know that I wanted it, that I wanted to sleep with you! And you know what the doctors said, maybe I'll never get my memory back. I feel safe with you! I may not remember my past, but I know what I feel now. You make me feel safe and loved!"
The look he gave me was making me horny again and he simply nodded.
I leaned over and kissed him again. Connor opened his lips and his tongue licked over my upper lip. A moan escaped my mouth when I opened my mouth to allow him inside.
The kiss was slow and hot and it seemed to go on forever. We only separated when I sat myself in his lap, facing him.
His hands were at my back, but still above my shirt. I wanted him skin to skin and simply took off my shirt. Connor's eyes grew darker, the pupils wide as his gaze wandered over my upper body.
I noticed him swallow twice, his large Adam's apple danced up and down his slender neck and I wondered why he was so nervous.
"Are you alright?" I asked him as he seemed to be frozen to the spot. I took his face in both of my hands and made him look me in the eyes.
"I … I don't …" he stuttered before he cleared his throat. His eyes closed "I never did … this. It."
AH! that was what had him scared. Well. It would be my first time too. I couldn't remember any other man. I WANTED Connor to be the one. The only one. Somehow I knew that I love him. This safe, protected feeling he gave me didn't just have the friend-vibe! It was more than that!
"Connor! Look at me! It's my first time too! The only time I remember anyway! Lets just do what we both feel comfortable with. Okay?"
"Yeah. Yes!"
I smiled and this time he started kissing me. He put his hands on my hips as the kiss grew more passionate; his grip strong but in a good way. When I needed to breathe I sat back a bit, taking in big shuddering breaths.
Connor still had his shirt and his waistcoat on. I took one of his hands and peeled off the fingerless glove and threw it behind me. The second glove got the same treatment. When I let go of his hands I started on the buttons of the waistcoat.
Why he wore so many layers was beyond me, but it gave him a bohemian look. Waistcoat and Shirt joined my shirt in the floor.
I pushed Connor down on his back and started on the buttons of his jeans again; opening 3 of the 5 buttons. The coarse pubic hairs tickled my fingers again and I stood up. Connor looked at me but stayed on his back.
The tight jeans I wore were stripped off in seconds. He licked his lips and adjusted his jeans.
"Take them off!" I said and pointed at his own jeans.
Connor opened the last two buttons and his cock sprang out before he even started lowering the jeans down his narrow hips. He was completely naked now and his cock was standing straight up proudly.
"Show me how you touch yourself!" I don't know why, but being in control here and giving him orders seemed just right for us. Connor groaned and began stroking his cock with his right hand. His long fingers barely closing around his shaft. It was my turn to lick my lips now.
I watched him for a bit and felt myself grew wet. I wanted to touch him too and laid down on his left side. My hand closing around his right hand. "Go on, please." I wanted to feel him stroking himself.
His eyes were closed now, his breath quick. "What are you thinking Conn?" I could only whisper but my mouth was right next to his ear. "Tell me!"
"About you!"
"Then open your eyes and look at me, I'm right here! What do you want?"
Our eyes locked before he took his hand out from under mine. "Touch me! Touch my cock!"
I moaned. This sweet man's cursing made me hot! My hand gripped his shaft tighter and I felt him jump a bit and hiss "YESSS!"
"Touch me too Conn!" My right hand stayed on his cock, stroking him more as he was caressing my thighs. I opened my legs a bit to give him better access. His hand pushed against my knickers.
"You're wet, Abby! Oh god … and so hot!" Gone was the shy nerdy guy. His instincts took over when he slipped his hand beneath the thin material of my knickers. He slipped one finger inside of me. One of his knuckles grazed my clit and I moaned. "You like that Abs? You like my finger in you?"
I nodded and he smiled. A second finger slipped into me. In and out. I tried to time my strokes on his cock with his stroking fingers in my pussy but thinking was hard. I really wanted, no needed, to feel him in me! Right now!
"Connor! Please fuck me!"
"You want me? Want my cock in your pussy?" His voice was deep and raspy and it made me lose all thought.
He helped me to get rid of the last bit of fabric between us and positioned himself between my open legs. When he looked down at me his smile was so bright that I knew this was the right decision! I wanted him, I wanted to be WITH him!
"Make me yours, Conn!" He nodded and I felt his cock enter me. He stretched me in all the right places and it felt simply amazing! When he was fully sheathed inside me my back arched. The tip of his cock reached places that made me tingle and when he started moving I was in heaven. With each deep stroke he tickled the nerves deep inside me and it took only what felt like seconds before I screamed his name in ecstasy.
"Yeesss Abby! So tight! Hot!" He panted but kept the slow pace.
I looked into his eyes after a long drown out orgasm. When I noticed tears there I knew without a doubt that I love him and with that thought I felt a second orgasm approach.
"Let yourself go Connor! Come with me!"
"No! I want it to be good for you!"
"It is! ... It is … better ... than good!" I panted out between moans. But he needed something more.
"I love you Connor!" A tear dripped onto my one breast and then I felt him shudder and come deep inside me.
My second orgasm hit me with a force I never had experienced. Stars exploded behind my eyes and with that a flood of memories came back to me. Me and Connor sitting on a desk, flirting. Evenings spent together in front of the TV. Me peeping at him while he showered. My hatred for Caroline. Eating pizza together, laughing together. My feelings for him!
"I love you Connor!" it was the only thought on my mind after these memories invasion.
"I love you too, Abs!"
He fell down next to me and I cradled his head on my chest. I smiled. "I remember!"
That simple statement made him jerk up. Fear was mixed in with hope when he looked at me.
"I remember everything!"
He saw my smile and smiled in return. "Everything? And you're not mad at me now?"
I was confused "Why would I be mad at you?"
Connor gestured between us, seemingly not able to form words.
I tried to get him to lie down again and when his head hit the pillow I laid my head on his chest and hugged him to me. "Oh god no! That was amazing!"
"It was? And is now the time you tell me that is was just this a one time thing?"
"Believe me Conn! This is definitely NOT a one time thing. You know what I remembered first?"
"What?" his hand was on my neck now. Caressing the muscles there.
"That I love you! I love you with or without my memory."
I felt him taking in a deep breath and heard his heartbeat speed up. His hand started to wander down my back and I looked up to see his face.
A big smile stretched over his expressive face and I looked down again to see his cock spring to life again. Oh god! This was definitely the best decision I ever made! I rolled on top of him.
"Are you ready for round two, babe?"