Alec Lightwood stood in front of his brother's grave, his blue eyes just as sad and stormy looking as the clouds looming overhead. Perhaps even more so. He wanted so badly to just fall to his knees and never move again, and he probably would have, had Jace and Isabelle not been standing on either side of him. They were the only things keeping him upright.
The three of them had come together rather than separately, as they needed each other for emotional support. Each blamed themselves for different reasons, and whether or not they would ever forgive themselves remained unknown. They all saw the same thing staring back at them as if it were etched into the headstone that stood before them, almost throwing it back into their faces like salt in the wound. They saw Max and the future that he had lost. All the missed opportunities. He could no longer receive his first Marks at age 12, no longer train to become a Shadowhunter and join the rest of his family. He wouldn't be taught archery by his older brother Alec, or how to use a whip by his sister Isabelle, nor would he be taught swordsmanship by the one whom he worshipped the most, Jace.
Alec's heart gave a painful thud in his chest and he stumbled a bit, moving to lean slightly against his parabatai. The two were drawing strength from each other despite there not being a single demon around for miles. The parabatai bond worked in weird ways like that from time to time. He suddenly felt bad for his sister Isabelle who had no rune or bond to draw strength from. He glanced over at her for a brief moment. There were tears in her eyes. Isabelle, who was always so adept at hiding how she was feeling. An unfortunate trait of the Lightwood's. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. She placed her head on his shoulder and silently thanked the Angel that she still had these two.
The three Shadowhunters were suddenly very conscious of three pairs of eyes on them, all filled with worry and concern over them. None of them could bring themselves to move however. Clary, Magnus, and Simon all stood a fair distance away simply watching, not wanting to interfere but at the same time feeling helpless as there was nothing they could do or say to ease the pain. The grief had unexpectedly struck Jace, Alec, and Isabelle after the Dark War. No one had had any time to properly grieve during either the Mortal War or the Dark War. There simply hadn't been any chance to. But now that it was all over, every single emotion that had been held back was coming forth with such crushing force that they had all bowed beneath it's weight. Now they could finally grieve the little brother they had lost.
After what seemed like ages of silence, Isabelle finally broke it with a soft sob. "I'm so sorry, Max. I'm so, so sorry, baby."
Alec gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. He couldn't bring himself to tell her that it wasn't her fault. Not because it was her fault, but rather because he knew she wouldn't believe it. Telling her that now would only make her blame herself even more. He knew that regardless of how many times any of them heard it wasn't their fault, they would continue to think it a lie fabricated to ease their guilt. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect.
Another sob wracked Isabelle's body, her composure breaking entirely. Alec himself nearly broke down at the mournful sound. Instead he wrapped his arms around her in a comforting embrace, holding her until her crying ceased.
"We'll be okay." He said as he released her, although he couldn't even manage to convince himself.
She nodded in return, wiping at her eyes. She hated crying. With one last look at Max's headstone, she turned and headed back up the hill towards the others. A sad sigh escaped his lips as he followed after her, Jace trailing after him a few steps behind. They reached the top of the hill, Isabelle and Jace splitting off to reunite with Simon and Clary. Alec however, stayed where he was. He couldn't seem to make himself move any further; his legs were as heavy as lead. So he stayed there, any and all effort going towards keeping his breathing even. He could feel Magnus' eyes on him. Watching. Waiting. But he didn't make any sort of move towards Alec until the others had gone. Then and only then would he detach himself from the tree he had been leaning on to stand beside him. Only then would he wrap an arm around the blue-eyed Shadowhunter's waist to pull him closer. And it was only then that Alec's resolve would shatter.
"I should've been there that night." He mumbled angrily. "What kind of older brother isn't there to protect his younger siblings? I should've- I should've sensed something was off about him. I never should have left them alone with him." Alec had disentangled himself from Magnus at this point, beginning to pace back and forth in front of the warlock as he went on with his tirade. It was as if all the fury he felt towards both himself and Sebastian was coalescing into a single body, only further fueling the fire. He ran a hand through his hair. "That bastard nearly killed Izzy. And Max-" He winced as if the name of his brother had become taboo to say. It essentially had, considering nobody could so much as mention it without looking to the Lightwoods in pity. He hated it.
It was silent for a while, the mere mention of Max enough to effectively end his previous rant. The archer just calmly stood beside his boyfriend while the wind gently blew through his hair.
"Does it ever get any easier?" He asked suddenly, eyes still on the headstone in the distance.
Magnus looked over at him, a certain sadness to his eyes. The kind of sadness that came with centuries of life. These were the eyes of a man who had lived to see hundreds of years and a countless number of mortals die. "Yes...and no." He said finally. "The grief will fade with time, but the memories will remain. Yet despite what the Mundanes say, time alone does not heal all wounds." He mused, a distant sorrow to his voice.
Alec glanced over at him, interlacing their fingers together. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly.
Magnus was almost unable to suppress a chuckle. Here Alec had stood falling to pieces mere moments ago, only to ask him if he was okay. He didn't know what he did to deserve someone as self-sacrificing as his Shadowhunter, but he wouldn't trade it for the world. "Yes, I'm quite alright, darling. 'The past is in the past' and all that." He told him before his expression turned serious again. "Are you okay?"
He nodded. "I'm okay."
And he meant it. A weight had been lifted from his chest and he could finally breathe again. All the guilt, all of the anger, was gone. They could all be at peace now. Max could finally rest now knowing that his family had forgiven themselves, had truly begun to heal.
We love you, Max. Don't worry, I'll look after them for you. You can rest now. We'll be okay.
Ave atque vale, little brother.